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I'm not talking about when you tell a child to do something and they say no. Not that type,
I mean the type if you and your child disagree.
Do you allow your child to question/disagree with you verbally? Or is your word law?
Having a discussion is not necessarily talking back. So long as it is civil and reasoned (the level of 'reasoned' depends on age) then I think it is a healthy interaction.
I would hope my kids disagree wit me on some things. I brought them up to be adults and not clones.
As long as they are not disrespectful they can express an opinion. I will hear them out. But once I hear them if I still say no, the conversation is OVER. After that point they can get in trouble if they keep arguing.
It really depends on what type of parent you are, how you model, and your goal for your children. If you want to raise children who are thoughtful and comfortable engaging in conversation, even if a bit heated, then a parent guides them through it. If the parent's goal is to raise compliant children who agree with the parents at all times, then you lay down the law I guess.
There are parental rules and opinions that are open for discussion, and there are those that are not, and they would differ within each family.
I don't mind my child disagreeing with me. It happens all the time. I encourage critical thinking. Sometimes she comes up with something that I hadn't considered and I do change my mind.
Whenever my now grown kids disagreed with me usually about permission I would say "Convince me" and I would listen to what they had to say and sometimes they would convince me. I always said "Give me a minute to think this over" and would excuse myself from the room.
But as far as smart mouth or sassy mouth, I'll have none of it. One of my 10 y.o. girls has started to "cop an attitude" only in the last month or two with "So--what about it" kind of response. DH and I stopped that as soon as we noticed it. I think she is hearing this from some neighborhood kid or else puberty is coming up really soon.
Once years ago when my 15 year old son came out with some smartass response and was disrespectful, I jerked a knot in his tail and said:
"You may hate my guts right now but as long as you are living in my house you damn well better learn how to fake it cause I'm not putting up with that mouth one more minute"
Guess what? He faked it till he made it and as an adult I couldn't ask for a better relationship.
My kids talk back all the time-according to the OPs definition. We have lots of discussions. But ultimately I make the decision. And they are very familiar with my saying: "No" means the discussion is ending, not beginning.
Yes, I allow it. I encourage discourse that promotes critical thinking and argumentation skills. Of course she knows that No means no and that 'end of discussion' means just that.
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