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Confused here.....if your wife lacks drive, that's going to be an issue if she is looking for "more than" menial/unskilled labor type jobs. In this economy, there are plenty of people looking for jobs who are driven. Guess who will be getting the jobs that require more than just showing up and doing a basic level of work? Is she actually lazy or just intimidated?
I have no idea what you meant by the mall situation....are you indicated people at the mall lack drive? Most people who are home during the day, to walk in the mall probably are women or retired. Not sure what it has to do with drive. Oh well.....
I absolutely think she ought to think about what's available using her language skills.
Regarding her "drive", I don't think she is lazy at all, probably intimidated and not used to focusing on a career.
The shopping mall thing I was mentioning was meant to allude to the fact that by and large, it is the norm for many women to not be in the workforce, probably due to the nature of being mothers, and that it is not my wife especially that has some sort of "special problem with being career driven".
It had nothing to do with malls specifically, but more to the fact that I suspect her life situation is more predominant with women in our society than men.
Regarding her "drive", I don't think she is lazy at all, probably intimidated and not used to focusing on a career.
The shopping mall thing I was mentioning was meant to allude to the fact that by and large, it is the norm for many women to not be in the workforce, probably due to the nature of being mothers, and that it is not my wife especially that has some sort of "special problem with being career driven".
It had nothing to do with malls specifically, but more to the fact that I suspect her life situation is more predominant with women in our society than men.
Does that make sense?
yes and no
I do not believe that it is "the norm" for women to not be in the workforce. I do believe that by and large, of the people who are of working age (not young teens and not retired), but not employed, yet able to be at the mall, are most likely women. For the very reasons you mentioned.
Volunteering can help. Not only does it help with networking but what can start out as a volunteer position can turn into a part time or even full time job.
Prior to having kids, she worked a variety of jobs (a mix of part time or full time) none of which I would say she found very fulfilling or stimulating: clerical library services, quality technician in a small tech company, she also tried her hand at investment brokerage.
She definitely does want to work yes. It doesn't have to be a hardcore full blown career like a doctor or engineer...I feel she would be happy with something to take away from the every day mundane-ness of dealing with things centering around children and household upkeeping.
I would say strengths and interests of hers that immediately come to mind are politics, fluency in the Arabic language, and health services or related fields. Her weaknesses are in computers and technology related areas.
If she's fluent in Arabic, she could work for Language Line, or some other translation service. They set you up at home and you answer phone calls during a certain time period and translate between an English speaker and a foreign-language speaker. Large companies such as AT&T use the service for their foreign-language speaking customers. She could ask for hours when the children are in school or bed. My friend is fluent in Spanish and did this while her children were younger.
I'd also recommend she check out the local community college. Just taking a course or two would boost her self confidence, get her out of the house, and help her decide what career paths might appeal to her. Also, check out your state labor department. They often have programs for people re-entering the workforce.
Good advice so far! I just went back to work after being home for 5 years. I am confident it was a good choice for us, but it has been difficult. I would suggest she keep an open mind, first of all. I considered part time and full time, depending on the location and hours. Even though I have a degree I considered getting an additional AA or certification in medical billing or something. Second, I suggest you both think long term. I ended up going back to my former career, but at a major pay cut. Some days, it doesn't seem worth it. By this time next year, I think it will be.
Things my husband has done to help - adjust his work schedule so he can pick up the kids, unpack back packs, start homework, start dinner, offer to throw the kids laundry in with his own, offer to stop at the grocery store, take the kids to their doctor's appointments, etc. because I don't have PTO yet. He helps with a lot of the stuff at home that I used to do, and it has made this transition bearable.
If she won't have a serious conversation about what she wants to do, there is a chance she really doesn't want to go back. It is daunting, but she can't do it unless she tries.
ETA - if it is appealing to her, maybe she could try to get a job as an aide at your kid's school. If she wants to do that, she should volunteer so they get to know her. The way it works here, you don't have to get before and after school care if you do that. They start shortly before school starts and are finished shortly after school is out.
To reenter the work force, she will need to have some drive -- or find her self-confidence. I agree with others that the language may be a great beginning of a career.
She might want to look for part time work if she's not very career focused. If she doesn't need the money, it's okay that she's not very career focused. She could find something that interests her and try to find part time work. If she's good at accounting and payroll, she might find a small business that needs someone to do it on a part time basis.
She may need to accept that people who first enter the work force generally don't get very high wages. The competition can be tough. She made a choice not to work for so many years but in doing so, she's not going to be viewed as someone with a lot of work experience and will start out at the bottom at least in most careers.
Undoubtedly, there will be some mental hurdles. That's normal, but as she starts to make the thought a reality, she may become less tentative.
Some ideas to get her in the mindset:
Join Toastmasters. Great to get a person speaking to small groups. You don't have to be a longtime member to participate. She can just drop into a meeting. Nice for networking, too.
Check out any vocational resources (agencies) your community has - they can provide tests to help guide her.
Volunteering - whether it is linked to what she may later do or not - it'll exercise those social skills and ease her back into it (delivering meals to the elderly, something community related, translation services)
Community Center/Recreation classes - anything will help, whether it's a yoga class or a writing class. It'll get her out and talking to people.
Truth be told, most jobs come from networking, knowing people. The sooner she starts getting herself out there, the better off she'll be.
SHAM's are becoming a rarity. I know none personally and I work in a office department that is predominantly women. All with children ranging from 6 months to 15 years in age. My mother went back to work when I was about 4 months old and was never a SAHM. There were no SAHM in my neighborhoods growing up even though there husbands made more then enough to sustain a household on there own.
I am getting my masters and there are women in my classes working full time, with children and obtaining their masters. IMO its a dying acronym that describes something that tends to be limiting.
Your wife should find something she's passionate about. Something to ignite a fire in her that will help her realize her potential outside the label. Like most people in most aspects of life, she will be challenged and probably fail a few times. But she needs to step outside the box of your home and recognize that she most likely has more to offer then just being a mother.
If she truly loves children she can do volunteer work or go back to school and get an accreditation in order to work with children on an educational level. Or she can take classes to find an outlet for her political passions or fluency in Arabic.
SHAM's are becoming a rarity. I know none personally and I work in a office department that is predominantly women. All with children ranging from 6 months to 15 years in age. My mother went back to work when I was about 4 months old and was never a SAHM. There were no SAHM in my neighborhoods growing up even though there husbands made more then enough to sustain a household on there own.
Hmm, there are tons around here. I think more moms in my neighborhood stay home than work.
I agree that part of her problem is a personality issue resulting in lack of "drive" when it comes to work or career. I think it is definitely compounded by the many years of being a stay at home mom though. Like, if I suddenly became a full time stay at home dad for 6-7 years I would have a hard time driving myself to get back into the workforce because the obstacles (increased age, lack of recent experience, relevant skills for the industry, etc) would seem daunting.
To be frank, I don't think it's just my wife though. I notice it as a general truism of many mothers. Go walk through a shopping mall or something in the middle of a workday and you will overwhelmingly see that most of the adults are either women, mothers, or the elderly.
Anyway, keep the ideas coming, I would also love to hear the experiences of other husbands or wives who went through such a transition.
You do realize that not everyone works a traditional schedule...so being at the mall is not indicative of employment status. For those that can take advantage of going to the mall when it is less crowded...good for them.
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