16-yr-old son out of control (baby, parent, clothes, 17 yr old)

[Moth]

I understand that. Just realize that if there is no incentive to stop, no kid will do so. There have to be consequences for actions- a certainty of punishment.

Yes, you are his mother. But if that does not motivate him to behave with a least a modicum of respect....

Anyway, good luck.

[astrogal]

my grandmother was an immigrant to this country and a very small woman at that. She had no problem wielding a broom no matter how big you were. Sometimes 'shock and awe' works.

[GreenMachine]

Originally Posted by Twinkletoes

Thanks for the replies.

He went to public school through the 8th grade. He is super smart and was in gifted classes but got low grades. I thought homeschooling would allow us to focus on subjects that interested him in addition to moving quickly through the "boring" required subjects. It worked well for awhile. I don't think he could go back to public school now. Our goal is to get GED and start college courses, one or two at a time while he lives at home.

We tried sports. He was in karate for 2 years, kayaking for a year.

I have not allowed him to get a driver's license or car. He's too irresponsible. I also stopped his allowance when he stopped doing chores. He paid for his own computer with money he earned cutting lawns. I won't take that away because he EARNED it and I think that's a good life lesson. I'm afraid to take the phone (because I want to be able to locate him) and he is pretty good about not abusing the number of minutes we have. I do like the idea of giving him a "kid" phone though.

Smoking IS bad because I have allergies. Also, he nearly set his bedroom on fire when he left a burning cigarette in his trash can. The room filled with smoke before we found it. I have asked him not to smoke in the house but I have found ashes at times.

His father has been MIA since before he was a year old. My dad and brother are good role models. He has been raised to have good manners. He's just not using them! I can't imagine why he doesn't respect me. I work hard, obey the law, am very polite, and don't tell lies. I have provided a good life for him. Teenagers are so frustrating!

Twink,

If it's this bad, then go see a counselor and get some professional advice. Posting on a message board is not going to get you too far. And don't be afraid to see the counselor on your own.

I wish you luck. I don't have kids, but I know how tough it can be when they start to become adults.

Greenie

[laurbell]

I know exactly what your going through! I have a 16 year old girl and we would fight like cats and dogs. She had no respect for me and only cares about herself. You need outside help! its the only way and you need to drive him to the local highschool enroll him and leave him. The next day drag his but outta bed drive him and leave him.... He will eventually get tired of walking and start making friends and hopefully find a new path. But you have to be consistant, take all pleasures away untill he deserves them and earns them. Hopefully he will start feeling better about himself through some counseling at home and at school and will make better choices. I had to let my daughter move in with my mom and dad for a year because they live in the country and she couldnt go anywhere but school to see friends. She is a different kid now. today! One day at a time. Good luck, be strong and get some counseling of your own.

[overtaxedunderpaided]

It's difficult for two parents to keep their patience during the teen years..........never mind a single mom. I dont think anyone doubts your love and concern for your boy, soon to be a man...............but a serious reality check is in order.............and the sooner the better. Sure taking away favourite items and privilages may work for the short term............however there is always someone elses house with a computer or nintendo game or whatever. My suggestion is to open the dialogue...........talk about anything and everything...............with a low tone on the motherly advice stuff............yep being a friend, getting to know your son all over.............for some reason many of us because of the daily stresses of living lose track and the generational gap grows larger..................remember how it was growing up?...........we stress over friends, gf/bf, fitting in, being cool and just about everything...........including the state of the world(wars, environment etc).....................remember those depressing times? Perhaps he is depressed and has a "what's the point?" attitude?
Talk to him..........does he want a job? maybe you can help him get started.................does he see a final goal to all the schooling? maybe if he sees the prize at the end this will motivate him...........

..........still not interested in anything?..............if he leaves think it through what's the worst that can happen?.................how long do you think these "friends" will put up with him eating their food and smoking their ciggies?

[Magnolia Bloom]

How do you homeschool him with a full-time job? High school isn't about studying the subjects that interest you and avoiding the boring ones. It's about studying a wide-range of subjects so that you can narrow the field in college. It's about the socialization- the good, the bad and the ugly. Learning how to get along- with peers and authority figures. For that is what will be required in the real world.

He must feel very isolated. Could he be suffering from depression?

[Twinkletoes]

Some of you are questioning homeschooling. I just want to say that it isn't a lack of socialization. He actually has more friends now than he had when he was in public school. At school, they has "silent lunch" every day, where the students weren't allowed to talk to each other. They also were not allowed to talk in the halls. So he wasn't getting a lot of social time at school.

Anyway, speaking of friends, he has told me he is going camping with two older boys from this afternoon until Thursday. These kids are much older, at least 18, maybe older. I don't know them. I have told him he can't go. I think it's weird that two older boys would take 16-yr-old kid with them. He says he has a lot of older friends, and he does look and act older than his age. Maybe they don't know how young he is. He says he's going anyway, but would call me at least once a day. I said I would call the police to come and find them, and my son said he would run away if I do that, and he meant it.

What do I do???? My son's safety may or may not be at stake here. I don't know. I will certainly lose him if I make the call to the police. He may turn up in 3 days just fine, but he will have established that I have no control over him.

[theqbaby]

You may/may not find this thread helpful :My son packed his bags (Parenting)

I have learned alot in the past couple of days AND I beleive my son did, as well.
My son is also bigger than I.
I do beleive "our" situation was one of testing limits. I had to make it clear ! (I did not understand it while it was happening)
He packed his bags-I bought him a train ticket. Simple as that !
Its been 2 days, he's ready to come home. I am not ready yet. He can come home on the weekend. This is something HE chose. I feel if I let him come home now, he will feel that I can be walked on. NOT HAPPENING.
He is with family and is safe.
I had told him many times, that if it was his father/my husband, treating me the way he does, he'd be gone.
Even as parents we have to maintain a certain level of SELF RESPECT for our children to learn respect for themselves.
Did I do the right thing , I don't know. Did I feel horrible, absolutely !
BUT I do beleive that lines had to be drawn.
When we were at the train station, and he said " I can't beleive you are making me leave", I knew he had realized the impact of his actions.

STAY STRONG, STAND STRONG !

[sean98125]

Cut off his money. Tell him that he gets an allowance or spending money only when he's doing his school work. If he isn't doing that, don't give him a dime for anything. He can go out and get a job.

And cut off his cellphone. A thousand generations of parents did just fine by cutting the umbilical cord at birth.

[NJTina]

My relationship with my son was much like yours. As a single mom, he had me pulling my hair out. We went through some very rough times. I had to just pray and give it to God. I could tell you stories..but I would rather focus on the good news. He completed college with a degree in business last June and is doing very well. He and I talked about his teen years not too long ago and he just meekly smiled and said "sorry mom". So, be encouraged this too shall pass.

Oh, and I agree with Sean. Cut those purse strings. My son began to mature when he was forced to get a job at 16. One thing about kids today, they like their "things". It was a turning point for us.