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Old 10-08-2007, 08:34 PM
 
1,352 posts, read 3,234,713 times
Reputation: 552

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You MUST put your foot down. Unfortunately, if you've allowed yourself to be a pushover for all these years, then it's going 2 B tough, but YOU MUST DO IT!

I had a friend who went through the EXACT same thing as you. She was a single mother and when he got to that age, he started smelling himself and being disrespectful. I would suggest that you do what she did, KNOCK THE H*LL OUT OF HIM.

If you're against that, I would suggest enrolling him back in public school, since he obviously has too much time on his hands and you're working which means no supervision going on - which leads to delinquency.

I would suggest that you send him away to "boot camp". There he can get his diploma, structure, and most of all some discipline.
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Old 10-08-2007, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,230,006 times
Reputation: 679
I agree with what the others are saying here. Take EVERYTHING away and be the "Mean Mom" for a while. Yes, call the cops on him when he doesn't come home. Get your father and brother involved. He needs to be reminded that independence comes when you can trust him to make the right choices and show respect for you. You've provided for him since birth and you deserve respect.
My mother decked my brother when he was 17 and pulled the "I'm bigger than you and you can't control me anymore" crap. It took a lot for her to do it, but he straightened up!!!
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Old 10-08-2007, 09:53 PM
 
Location: California
3,432 posts, read 281,289 times
Reputation: 138
Send him to military school.
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Old 10-08-2007, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Independence, MO
542 posts, read 1,413,681 times
Reputation: 350
I have a 17 yr old doing the same as yours. His older brother and sister never pulled half the stuff this one has. We have tried everything we can think of, if we could afford it we would put him in military school. We did cancel his phone, but I know all his friends phone numbers. Half of them I can't trust.
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Old 10-09-2007, 12:22 AM
 
Location: California
3,432 posts, read 281,289 times
Reputation: 138
In extreme situations like that, send him to a correctional facility. Or just scare him with the cops. Oh wait, you should take him on dr. phil.
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Old 10-09-2007, 03:05 AM
 
Location: 602/520
2,441 posts, read 3,862,994 times
Reputation: 1815
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenMachine View Post
Twinkletoes,

Your son does not take you seriously and has no respect for you, for some reason. I really don't think homeschooling is a good idea. It isolates a child and he ends up spending too much time at home with his parents. Peers are very important to kids. Here are some ideas:

1) If he won't do his schoolwork, get him into a public school system. He'll have teachers and other people that demand his respect. He'll also have an opportunity to get into some sports. Sport is really good for young boys. It teaches them discipline, teamwork, and keeps them out of trouble. If he won't go to school, call a truant officer.

2) Does he have a car, cell phone, or computer? Do you give him an allowance? These are things that you control and can take away from him.

3) If your son won't go to counseling, then you and your husband can go without him in order to learn more about what you are doing to enable some of your son's behavior.

Greenie
Putting this kid in the public school system will not change anything. The worst thing teachers can do is demand respect, because they will not receive it. In order for teachers to get respect in this day in age, they have to give it to students. I agree the sports would be the route to go, only if you find a sport that he is really into.

The OP said the only chore that her son will do is cut the lawn. If that's the case maybe try to get him some type of landscaping job. Not all kids are cut out to go to school, and I believe that 16 is the age in which kids can drop out of school. If he doesn't want to go back to school, there's no way to force him to go.

I don't believe in conseling at all. Many psychologists just listen to the issues that you are having, ask you about ways you think you can change the situation, and then collect their money.

Reactive responses such as putting your son in boot camp or trying to get him into juvenile hall will not work. He will likely only rebel more when he gets out.

Be proactive and try to encourage the development of constructive skills your son already has.
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Old 10-09-2007, 04:34 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,595 posts, read 8,683,383 times
Reputation: 3975
I think you should get him a GED as soon as possible and the day he turns 17 have the military recruiters start calling. If he decides he wants to go, sign the paperwork and let him go. In a few weeks they'll have him making his bed, ironing his clothes, and calling you "Ma'am" and not "Ma". Personally, I think ALL 18 year old males should go in the military for a minimum of 2 years. It gives discipline, but it also shows them that they can do anything. And don't worry, just being in the military is not an automatic death sentence or trip to Iraq.
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
273 posts, read 1,202,445 times
Reputation: 80
I wish I could afford boot camp or military school

I talked to him on the phone last night and he is safe for now. At least I can be grateful for that.

Haven't figured out what I'm going to do to him when he gets home. I can't "deck" him! I've already stopped his allowance, I only give him money if he does extra work outdoors for me, and the cellphone is a safety device as far as I'm concerned. If he wants a ride somewhere, my standard answer is "What are you going to do for me?" and he has to do it before we leave. I can't think of what else to take away from him. I don't want to make life at home to horrible in case he does run away. I want him to remember that Home is a nice place to be.
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Old 10-09-2007, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 3,677,678 times
Reputation: 2189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkletoes View Post
I want him to remember that Home is a nice place to be.
Sometimes ... you don't know what you have untill its gone.

You take for granted what you have....

My son has only been gone a few days. He misses his bed, his dogs, his "HOME".
He is at grandmas house. She spoils them. Everything he wants/needs is there for him. HE WANTS TO COME HOME. HE MISSES HOME.


I do think that your son is trying you, just like mine is.
It is a hard learning experience for both mom/son. (I'm still learning)


The following is a quote from Pirategirl on my thread.
"And although this is painful today, in five years when he's a true productive member of society rather than a lazy sponge on your sofa, you will probably look back on this as a turning point. "

For some reason this gave me lots of comfort.

I don't know what is the right answer for you. Hell, I don't even know the right answer for me, and kids do not come with a handbook.
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Old 10-09-2007, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,503 posts, read 6,163,460 times
Reputation: 15676
Default 16 year old out of control

Quote:
Originally Posted by theqbaby View Post
You may/may not find this thread helpful :My son packed his bags (Parenting)

I have learned alot in the past couple of days AND I beleive my son did, as well.
My son is also bigger than I.
I do beleive "our" situation was one of testing limits. I had to make it clear ! (I did not understand it while it was happening)
He packed his bags-I bought him a train ticket. Simple as that !
Its been 2 days, he's ready to come home. I am not ready yet. He can come home on the weekend. This is something HE chose. I feel if I let him come home now, he will feel that I can be walked on. NOT HAPPENING.
He is with family and is safe.
I had told him many times, that if it was his father/my husband, treating me the way he does, he'd be gone.
Even as parents we have to maintain a certain level of SELF RESPECT for our children to learn respect for themselves.
Did I do the right thing , I don't know. Did I feel horrible, absolutely !
BUT I do beleive that lines had to be drawn.
When we were at the train station, and he said " I can't beleive you are making me leave", I knew he had realized the impact of his actions.

STAY STRONG, STAND STRONG !
Q...you hang in there.....sounds like you are doing the right thing especially when you turned the tables and said you are not ready for him to come home,. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
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