16-yr-old son out of control (playing, classes, 16 year old, grandmother) - Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - Page 7 - City-Data Forum

Twinkletoes · 10-17-2007, 06:54 AM

I am in tears right now over all of your kind words for me.

Roselvr, it's true that part of the reason I am here is to vent. I am so ashamed to tell any of my family and friends what I am going through. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I finally called my parents last night, but they are the only ones who know. It helps me to come here and write out my thoughts, and for someone to say - "hey, you're not crazy, there are things you can still do."

I have received many good suggestions here. I have tried some of them and will try others as I work through this with my son. You all have given me the courage to keep trying. Thank you.

theqbaby · 10-17-2007, 07:07 AM

As my son often says "LIFE SUCKS".. my reply... "yes, life sucks and as you get older, it sucks more !"
Stay strong !
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
And who thought the nights of colic and fussing were the worst???
I'll take those nights anytime over worrying where your kids are and if they are safe!

Jaxson · 10-17-2007, 08:38 AM

Amen qbaby! I know my mother is heaven laughing so hard at my struggles with my DS. I can still here her saying "wait until you have kids" when I would get mad about something with my parents.

Twinkletoes don't ever lose sight or faith that God entrusted you with your child! I wish I knew about this board when I was going through our storm as a single parent with no outside support. Even from my church as they were all lost at what to do for me but pray. At my darkest times I would tell God "I don't know what your plan is but mine isn't working!"

Just remember the morning will come and give you new light to see by so of it maybe ugly but one morning you will hear the birds sing again I promise.

Roselvr · 10-17-2007, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinkletoes

Roselvr, it's true that part of the reason I am here is to vent. I am so ashamed to tell any of my family and friends what I am going through. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I finally called my parents last night, but they are the only ones who know. It helps me to come here and write out my thoughts, and for someone to say - "hey, you're not crazy, there are things you can still do."

I have received many good suggestions here. I have tried some of them and will try others as I work through this with my son. You all have given me the courage to keep trying. Thank you.

Venting is fine, sometimes we need to vent before we are actually able to act on suggestions. It's very hard being a parent. It's hard looking at suggestions and actually doing some of them, I know, I have a daughter that isn't typical.

I hope you do consider the phone tracking since he is known to just leave. What if something does happen to him and you had no clue he even walked out? Having the phone turned on just may save his life.

My daughter picked a phone that can't be tracked. I tired my hardest to change her mind, but she was paying for the phone with her gift money from her fathers house, so I really didn't have much say.

My daughter can be the sweetest girl, which makes it harder to get tough the times I need to.

Beth56 · 10-17-2007, 02:45 PM

I would like to add in a different perspective regarding your son. You stated he was very smart and gifted. Some of the problems you may be experiencing with him may be due to this. My own son is gifted. At age 10 he was invited to attend college in a special program for the top 1% in the county. He would then bypass the local school system. I did not allow him to do this as I was a single parent and there would be no one to look after him during the day. He was also socially immature for his age which is typical of gifted children. He stayed in regular school with all the gifted programs and counselling. But, some days I went thru he11.

Please Google gifted children problems and do some reading on the subject. My son thought he was a little lawyer and debated me at a high level constantly, which wore me down. Your son is smart and can manipulate you. Your son was probably very bored in school. And even home schooling may not have given him what he needed, no offense to you. I think you said you are a single parent, so there is no one to back you up either. He is bored, has little respect for your authority and can run circles around you. I doubt your son is a bad kid. He's may just be lacking skills to help him with his direction. And since he can understand and talk on a high level, he is making friends who are older. The problem is with gifted kids, their social skills are usually behind so they won't really fit in with the older kids either.

He needs to be academically challenged somehow and I would consider some counselling. My son didn't want the counselling either, but I told him what was said to the counsellor would not be repeated to me and that he would be learning new tools to help him in his life. He gave it a try and it helped him.

My son is in his 30's now with a family. Now his son is showing the gifted signs. Oh, here we go again. Don't give up. Children are a challenge, gifted or not. You are not crazy and i'm sure you are a very good mother who is probably tired. Gather up all your strength. You son needs you sweetie. Good luck.

nancy thereader · 10-17-2007, 04:53 PM

I am in tears right now over all of your kind words for me.

I know exactly what you are going through because I have an 17 year old daughter who has been a problem since she was fifteen. She has even been hospitalized in a psychiatric ward which is something you might consider. ( Her idol was Satan even for awhile if you can imagine.)
She was placed on medication (which your son might resist) and has stabilized somewhat. She'll be on SSI when she does turn 18 & she 'll soon go to an adult living facility. .
It is heartbreaking. It is as if the real person , that sparkly beautiful child that you loved and cared for has somehow disappeared.
I wish you many many blessings because this is the most difficult thing you will have to deal with in your life. The only thing is , is that they do become 18 & you do have rights as a person yourself . As hard as it might be, you might need to wait it out.

Twinkletoes · 10-18-2007, 06:22 AM

LOL, Beth56. You have decribed my son perfectly. Mine thinks he's a "little lawyer" too! If only he WOULD become a lawyer...

Still haven't heard yet from my son. I hope he is okay. I'm praying hard.

Beth56 · 10-18-2007, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinkletoes

LOL, Beth56. You have decribed my son perfectly. Mine thinks he's a "little lawyer" too! If only he WOULD become a lawyer...

Still haven't heard yet from my son. I hope he is okay. I'm praying hard.

Do you have any idea where to look for him? I believe you have already reported him as a runaway to the police. I am hoping they find him and he ends up incarcerated. You have the right to look through everything in his room and on his computer for clues, which I would do immediately if not already done. I would tear his room apart. If you need help, ask your brother. I would also contact all his friends to ask if they know anything. My son never left home and if he did, I would have been mad as he11 that he made me worry like this. His arse would be mine.

Beth56 · 10-21-2007, 08:56 AM

Twinkletoes,

I hope everything is OK and you will check back in and let us know about your son.

Beth

Twinkletoes · 10-22-2007, 06:31 AM

It is Monday morning. I have not heard from my son. This is a very long time for a kid his age to be gone. He doesn't have clean clothes, money, or his cellphone charger. I have no idea how he is surviving. I know if he was with certain friends, I would have gotten a phone call from their parents. I think he must be with older friends who I don't know.

My mother came to stay with me this weekend and keep me busy, so I would be distracted and not worry too much. She called my son and left him a message that he could go home with her and stay at her house if he wanted to. I guess you're never too old to need your parents

I did look through his room and computer. That was a good idea, but no clues there. At least I did not find anything terrible, like a gun or drugs or something.

It is going to be a long day. Thanks for listening.