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Old 09-02-2012, 02:12 PM
 
Location: nc
436 posts, read 1,227,542 times
Reputation: 454

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Ok, I am begging anyone who responds to please only give helpful advice, not negative bashing. I really can't take that right now.

DS 18 told us today that he got a girl pregnant. The girl is 16 and they go to high school together. Yes he is still in high school as he stayed back in kindergarten. He said she is two months pregnant and she currently has a new boyfriend who is also 16. According to DS the new boyfriend is claiming to be the father because the girl doesn't want DS to get in trouble because of their age differences. The new boyfriend knows he is not the father though. So basically the only ones who don't know DS is the father are the girl's parents. I guess the "plan" is for the girl and the new boyfriend to claim the baby is theirs and live happily ever after. DS said he offered to help the girl (IDK how) but she says she doesn't want him to help. I guess she has also said she's thinking about an abortion because she can't take her heart medicine while pregnant. IDK all the facts about that but she has been to the doctor so I'm assuming if there were a risk to her or the baby then the doctor would have already suggested/advised her to have an abortion. I apoligize for the lack of clarity in this post but my head is still spinning from this information and I'm still not sure what to think.

Here's what I think should happen: We need to contact the girl's parents and find out if indeed she is planning on keeping it or having an abortion. I'm afraid DS will just tell us she had an abortion to make things easier on himself. If she's keeping it then DS needs to establish paternity.

From there, I don't know what else to do. He has a summer job that will be ending in another week. He has no license, no car. If it is his baby I don't know if the best course of action would be for him to get his ged and look for a full time to support the baby.

If you were in this situation what would you do?
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,954 posts, read 10,883,116 times
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If it were me my first stop would be a good lawyer who specializes in family law. I would do this before going to see the girl's family. Any deception on your son's part to the girls family is going to end badly.

Unfortunately your son has very little control over the situation, and is at the mercy of the girl and her family, but he needs to know his rights before agreeing to anything.

Was the girl 15 or 16 when she got pregnant? Do you know exactly what the statutory rape laws are in NC?
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:26 PM
 
5,161 posts, read 6,840,865 times
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That's a hard spot to be in. How are you sure the baby is your sons? She's already said it is someone else's baby. It may very well be, and she's just trying to hurt your son. I would NOT contact her parents. I would until the baby is born, and then have your son request a paternity test. By then chances are the current boyfriend will be gone by then anyway. I would not have him sign anything without the paternity test results. Because once he signs that birth certificate that's it he's stuck for life even if it turns out the baby is not his.



ETA: Looking at NC law it doesn't look like he's broken any laws.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: nc
436 posts, read 1,227,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
If it were me my first stop would be a good lawyer who specializes in family law. I would do this before going to see the girl's family. Any deception on your son's part to the girls family is going to end badly.

Unfortunately your son has very little control over the situation, and is at the mercy of the girl and her family, but he needs to know his rights before agreeing to anything.

Was the girl 15 or 16 when she got pregnant? Do you know exactly what the statutory rape laws are in NC?

From what I've found online, it seems that regardless if she was 15 or 16 at the time, he has not broken any laws.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:38 PM
 
679 posts, read 911,124 times
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Yep, get a paternity test, you don't want your son stuck for child support for the next 18 years if it's not his kid. As for education, it may be worth it to support him for long enough to finish an education which will help him get the best paying job he can. Though of course with certain limits. We've had some teen pregnancies in my family/extended family. In one case, the parents of both teens were very clear on the rules. The parents would help the teens with childcare and let them live in their homes, but the teens were responsible for child care when they weren't at work or in school.

While his getting paid income as soon as he can might seem like a good idea so he can meet support obligations, it all depends. If he's sacrificing education for a low paying job, that only helps in the short term, it doesn't help in the long run. If hee's going to have to support a kid for the next 18 years, that's going to be easier to do on a good salary.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:42 PM
 
Location: nc
436 posts, read 1,227,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
That's a hard spot to be in. How are you sure the baby is your sons? She's already said it is someone else's baby. It may very well be, and she's just trying to hurt your son. I would NOT contact her parents. I would until the baby is born, and then have your son request a paternity test. By then chances are the current boyfriend will be gone by then anyway. I would not have him sign anything without the paternity test results. Because once he signs that birth certificate that's it he's stuck for life even if it turns out the baby is not his.



ETA: Looking at NC law it doesn't look like he's broken any laws.
I am not positive it is his baby. He says it is his and according to him, she says it is his. The new boyfriend says it's not his but he is going to pretend it is his. I'm hoping it is not DS's, but I'm not going to get my hopes up right now.

You don't think it would be better for him to be involved now? I know they can do paternity tests while she is still pregnant but I'm sure it's pricey. I'd just like for him to get all his ducks in a row now if she decides to keep it and it is his.

You are right about the new boyfriend probably being gone by then though. That's a good point.
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:43 PM
 
11,511 posts, read 18,466,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
Ok, I am begging anyone who responds to please only give helpful advice, not negative bashing. I really can't take that right now.

DS 18 told us today that he got a girl pregnant. The girl is 16 and they go to high school together. Yes he is still in high school as he stayed back in kindergarten. He said she is two months pregnant and she currently has a new boyfriend who is also 16. According to DS the new boyfriend is claiming to be the father because the girl doesn't want DS to get in trouble because of their age differences. The new boyfriend knows he is not the father though. So basically the only ones who don't know DS is the father are the girl's parents. I guess the "plan" is for the girl and the new boyfriend to claim the baby is theirs and live happily ever after. DS said he offered to help the girl (IDK how) but she says she doesn't want him to help. I guess she has also said she's thinking about an abortion because she can't take her heart medicine while pregnant. IDK all the facts about that but she has been to the doctor so I'm assuming if there were a risk to her or the baby then the doctor would have already suggested/advised her to have an abortion. I apoligize for the lack of clarity in this post but my head is still spinning from this information and I'm still not sure what to think.

Here's what I think should happen: We need to contact the girl's parents and find out if indeed she is planning on keeping it or having an abortion. I'm afraid DS will just tell us she had an abortion to make things easier on himself. If she's keeping it then DS needs to establish paternity.

From there, I don't know what else to do. He has a summer job that will be ending in another week. He has no license, no car. If it is his baby I don't know if the best course of action would be for him to get his ged and look for a full time to support the baby.

If you were in this situation what would you do?
Breath. Your son is not the first young man to conceive a baby out of wedlock.

Your son needs a lawyer. The age of consent in NC is 16. There is a close in age exemption if the older partner is less than 3 years older than the younger partner. However, there are frequently little twists to state laws that a lay person (like myself) do not know. A lawyer will know these things. A lawyer will also be able to tell you what the consequences will be to him if he is complicit in lying about his paternity (which sounds questionable).
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Old 09-02-2012, 02:52 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 26,772,789 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
According to DS the new boyfriend is claiming to be the father because the girl doesn't want DS to get in trouble because of their age differences. The new boyfriend knows he is not the father though.
Think about it. What new boyfriend is going to claim he's the father to keep the ex-boyfriend out of trouble? A 16-year old is going to want to claim he's the dad?

Zimbo is absolutely correct. You need an attorney. (I'm afraid you also need the truth because something is just not right with that story.)

Sorry you are going through this. Get an attorney to advise you on the law. And there is no way I'd accept the word of a bunch of young, immature high schoolers to find out the truth about what's going on.
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Old 09-02-2012, 03:47 PM
 
43,946 posts, read 44,096,289 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
I am not positive it is his baby. He says it is his and according to him, she says it is his. The new boyfriend says it's not his but he is going to pretend it is his. I'm hoping it is not DS's, but I'm not going to get my hopes up right now.

You don't think it would be better for him to be involved now? I know they can do paternity tests while she is still pregnant but I'm sure it's pricey. I'd just like for him to get all his ducks in a row now if she decides to keep it and it is his.

You are right about the new boyfriend probably being gone by then though. That's a good point.
Yeah, but all know that might last two months and then she'll be in court petitioning your son for child support. Take the initiative and get a lawyer right away.
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:09 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
7,973 posts, read 13,139,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
Here's what I think should happen: We need to contact the girl's parents and find out if indeed she is planning on keeping it or having an abortion. I'm afraid DS will just tell us she had an abortion to make things easier on himself. If she's keeping it then DS needs to establish paternity.

From there, I don't know what else to do. He has a summer job that will be ending in another week. He has no license, no car. If it is his baby I don't know if the best course of action would be for him to get his ged and look for a full time to support the baby.

If you were in this situation what would you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Yeah, but all know that might last two months and then she'll be in court petitioning your son for child support. Take the initiative and get a lawyer right away.

Don't put the cart before the horse. You've already gotten advice to seek an attorney now and I concur. The whole concern may be a moot point if the girl chooses to have an abortion - and maybe it's a medically necessary one.

I would not arrange to meet with the parents of the girl until after talking with an attorney. Call your local Bar Association Lawyer Referral Service for a low-cost initial consultation.
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