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Old 09-04-2012, 09:30 AM
 
1,259 posts, read 2,251,367 times
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My daughter is 21 months old and will not go to sleep unless we rock her to sleep. I know this is our fault but now we really want to break her of this habit.

We tried cry it out method and she just will not fall asleep. She even threw up from crying one time, so we are back to rocking her to sleep which can take from 1 to 2 hours every night because as soon as she hits the crib she wakes right back up. We will rock her for about 30 minutes and try to put her down but she wakes right up so we spend the next hour or so trying to get her into a deep sleep. I'm afraid that we are setting her up for lifelong sleep problems.

We have a solid night time routine where we feed her, bathe her, give her a cup or bottle of milk, then read 3-4 books before trying to put her to bed by the time she is asleep its usually 11pm.

Any advice???
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:27 AM
 
4,267 posts, read 6,163,190 times
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I just wanted to provide some reassurance that you are not setting her up for a lifetime of sleep problems because you still rock her to sleep. I nursed my oldest daughter to sleep until she was 3 years old and I co-slept with her until she was 5. I was told by many that she would never learn to fall asleep on her own but she proved all of the naysayers wrong.

Maybe you could switch from rocking her to just laying next to her as she falls asleep and then gradually increase separation as time goes on. Good luck.
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 6,907,711 times
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I agree completely with Dorthy that you are not setting her up for a lifetime of sleep problems. I also nursed mine to sleep for as long as they would let me. Then I rocked, or sang, or layed down next to them until they fell asleep for a good while more. And now, at ages 3 and 6, they are able to go to sleep on their own just fine. Based on my experience, I would also recommend laying down with her to go to sleep, and then sneaking away once she is sleeping. That way there is no transfer to wake her (and, importantly for my kids, no change in temperature).
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:56 PM
 
Location: The Other California
4,254 posts, read 5,586,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Missingatlanta View Post
My daughter is 21 months old and will not go to sleep unless we rock her to sleep. I know this is our fault but now we really want to break her of this habit.

We tried cry it out method and she just will not fall asleep. She even threw up from crying one time, so we are back to rocking her to sleep which can take from 1 to 2 hours every night because as soon as she hits the crib she wakes right back up. We will rock her for about 30 minutes and try to put her down but she wakes right up so we spend the next hour or so trying to get her into a deep sleep. I'm afraid that we are setting her up for lifelong sleep problems.

We have a solid night time routine where we feed her, bathe her, give her a cup or bottle of milk, then read 3-4 books before trying to put her to bed by the time she is asleep its usually 11pm.

Any advice???
Well, a couple of things. 21 months is pretty young. I suggest continuing to hold her when she wants to go to sleep. It's the evening, right, so you can read a book or something, or read to her. And then maybe think about putting her in your bed. Co-sleeping is fine until four or five years old.

Hopefully you started training the child in obedience from 8 months forward, so that if you tell her not to pick something up, she obeys, or if you tell her to come to you, she comes. Easy stuff. By 21 months she has respect for your voice and your commands even if she's not always perfectly compliant. If that is indeed the case, here's a suggestion ...

I'll tell you what has worked for us before we started co-sleeping.

Day 1-2: This should be dad's job. Put the child in her bed, and have dad pull up a chair by the bed. The girl will cry, but dad can gently place his hand on her from his chair and tell her to lay down. He can keep talking to her while she lays there, saying anything at all, or even singing. If she gets up, he immediately puts her back down. If she gets up again, she gets spanked (not in anger, and just enough to sting a little) and put down again. Repeat as needed until she goes to sleep.

Day 3-4: Dad moves the chair away from the bed, and doesn't touch the child, but otherwise does everything else noted above. Perhaps he doesn't talk to her as much.

Day 5-6: Dad moves the chair outside the bedroom door, but leaves the door open a crack.

This can take a week or longer, but in two weeks she should be going to sleep in her own bed. Modify the plan as needed, but that's the idea.

Good luck!
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,632,754 times
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Yep, nothin' says "love" like a swat on the butt before you go to sleep!



Man, the anti-Ferber people are going to go NUTS when they read this.

What doesn't make sense: Why would you ever start co-sleeping after "training the child in obedience" to sleep in her own bed????

OP, I think you should review the Ferber method, which is not a "cry it out" method, but does involve leaving the child in her room for gradually longer periods of time.

Be sure to read how it is actually supposed to work, though, because you don't just leave the baby in there to cry all night.
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Old 09-04-2012, 10:13 PM
 
Location: The Other California
4,254 posts, read 5,586,014 times
Reputation: 1552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Yep, nothin' says "love" like a swat on the butt before you go to sleep!



Man, the anti-Ferber people are going to go NUTS when they read this.

What doesn't make sense: Why would you ever start co-sleeping after "training the child in obedience" to sleep in her own bed????

OP, I think you should review the Ferber method, which is not a "cry it out" method, but does involve leaving the child in her room for gradually longer periods of time.

Be sure to read how it is actually supposed to work, though, because you don't just leave the baby in there to cry all night.
Who's Ferber?

All six of our kids co-slept for at least a couple years. But the first two kids - or maybe it was three? - were put to bed via the second method around two years of age. The other three or four co-slept a little longer and didn't require the chair-in-the-bedroom method when it came time to sleep in their own beds. They were older and more compliant, and besides that, the next child bumped them out.
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:56 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,478,218 times
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I agree with the co-sleeping. If you want a good nights sleep from the time you bring them home from the hospital until they are 2 or 3 or 4, just do the natural way. Making a baby sleep scared and all alone isn't natural. They never have terrifying nightmares if co-sleeping is done.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:13 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,135,403 times
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I have a different take. Lots of people are saying continue to cosleep. Or cosleep if you are not already. But there are things to consider. Cosleeping is not for everyone. It was a nightmare for us. Yah we got through every night. It looked good from the outside. My husband thought it was awesome. He did not sleep next to my son. For my son, it was not obvious but he was miserable. He had adopted such a sleep association to nursing that he woke to nurse many times a night. He was a miserable cranky baby. I thought he had collick. I only realized that HE was exhausted when it was almost time for me to go back to work. I was exhausted. We read the Ferber book (It is called Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems). We instantly recognized the sleep association issue. Three days later, he was a happy sleeping baby.

I recognize that cosleeping works for some people. I imagine that they have found ways to transition out of it that can be gentle. But the poster who advocates setting the expectation of cosleeping with your child just to yank the rug out from under them later does not make sense to me.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:54 AM
 
1,259 posts, read 2,251,367 times
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Yeah co-sleeping is a no go for us. She is a very wild sleeper. When she does sleep with us, she usually ends up with her head at the end of the bed and in some crazy position. I believe she has very active dreams because she moves a lot while she is sleeping.

Thanks for the all the input. I'm going to research the Ferber method more.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,893,325 times
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I second the recommendation for Ferber's book, as well. There are also all manner of variations you can try with it to find what works best for your family. When my oldest was having sleep association difficulty, our pediatrician recommended Dr. Mark Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It reviews the major approaches towards sleep, including co-sleeping and Ferber, in a pretty balanced manner and makes step-by-step recommendations depending on which approach you decide to try. Just another resource to check out. Good luck, I know it feels like sleep problems will last forever when we are in the middle of them!
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