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I must say it's been interesting to watch some people decide that everyone who thinks the 13-year old needs to stay the heck away from the 10-year old's bed (and I'm in that group) are a bunch of dirty-minded ninnies who need to stop jumping to conclusions because, it seems, we've all decided he's a sexual predator. Earth to Mars. Some of us believe that at the age of 13 you're supposed to know how to keep your hands to yourself, respect another person's space and stay out of places you aren't invited.
Which would hold equally true for the 13-year old going into her room to look around whenever he wants, her going through his comic book collection when he's not home, and yes (shocking but true) him staying out of her bed.
A lesson that used to be taught beginning in toddler-hood. Is it not anymore? I'm guessing not considering the number of people shaking their fingers at anyone who dared suggest the 13-year old needed to stay in his own bed.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-13-2012 at 04:41 PM..
I must say it's been interesting to watch some people decide that everyone who thinks the 13-year old needs to stay the heck away from the 10-year old's bed (and I'm in that group) are a bunch of dirty-minded ninnies who need to stop jumping to conclusions. Earth to Mars. Some of us believe that at the age of 13 you're supposed to know how to keep your hands to yourself, respect another person's space and stay out of places you aren't invited.
Which would hold equally true for the 13-year old going into her room to look around whenever he wants, her going through his comic book collection when he's not home, and yes (shocking but true) him staying out of her bed.
A lesson that used to be taught beginning in toddler-hood. Is it not anymore? I'm guessing not considering the number of people shaking their fingers at anyone who dared suggest the 13-year old needed to stay in his own bed.
Possibly because they feel he's getting prosecuted because he's male rather than because of his past and past behavior.
If the upbringing is great I think there will be no issue, however, his age is the start of discovering new things just part of the growing or adolescent years of a teenager. Well, not all teenagers are the same so careful observation is needed these days.
The girl is in therapy because the whole divorce / custody battle has been dramatic and disruptive to her whole life.
Apparently, her father was the first one the girl told and he did nothing. He later admitted to her mother that he didn't say anything to the girl about it and just walked away. He has since changed that story and said that the mother is making things up and putting them in the girls head. The step-brother belongs to his new wife, and she is denying that her son would ever do anything bad. Needless to say that the whole situation is volatile and none of them can talk to each other about anything without it becoming ugly.
The little girl was frightened when she woke in the dark in the middle of the night to find her step brother climbing under her covers with her. He has not been particularly nice to her in the past and usually just ignores her when she is at her fathers house.
So just a thought. Everyone here is reading a story from someone who got the story from the mother who has had a dramatic and disruptive custody battle and divorce. The OP's own words above. The first thought was to call CPS for a boy who reportedly did nothing.
I'm a parent of multiple ages. My children have slept in the same bed, the same couch. Never has one cried or one even thought that laying next to one another had any sexual overtones. At ten years old?
It seems ridiculous to me having raised several girls that a 10 yo would cry unless something happened or was prompted to believe something could happen. So why did she have this fear at 10 years old if nothing happened? Seems like something else is going on here. Either he touched her or someone is angling to continue the custody battle. It wouldn't be the first time for either scenario.
I must say it's been interesting to watch some people decide that everyone who thinks the 13-year old needs to stay the heck away from the 10-year old's bed (and I'm in that group) are a bunch of dirty-minded ninnies who need to stop jumping to conclusions because, it seems, we've all decided he's a sexual predator. Earth to Mars. Some of us believe that at the age of 13 you're supposed to know how to keep your hands to yourself, respect another person's space and stay out of places you aren't invited.
Which would hold equally true for the 13-year old going into her room to look around whenever he wants, her going through his comic book collection when he's not home, and yes (shocking but true) him staying out of her bed.
A lesson that used to be taught beginning in toddler-hood. Is it not anymore? I'm guessing not considering the number of people shaking their fingers at anyone who dared suggest the 13-year old needed to stay in his own bed.
Everyone thinks that he needs to stay out of her bed, but not everyone wants him labeled as a sex offender the rest of his life if he's not, but of course if he is, then there should be no more visits by the girl to that house -- period. If he's just trying to make the girl mad, he needs to be taught that this isn't how he is going to do it.
It's very serious -- but we don't know the boy -- or the parents involved. If the father is actually allowing his own daughter to be raped, both he and the new wife need to be sent to prison and the boy needs to be sent somewhere away from other kids. That's how serious this actually becomes if the boy is a sexual predator preying on a 10 year old girl and her own father is allowing it. The OP would need to file charges against the whole bunch if she believes this is the case.
However if the OP doesn't really believe the boy intended to sexually molest or rape the little girl, then it would be a terrible accusation to make against him. Obviously it's not appropriate for any reason for him to be going into her room, even to make her angry or to provoke her or make her feel unwelcome -- but if he's a sexual predator then it's not about future visits, those would need to be ended completely if he's living there.
I would most definitely never allow a 10 year old girl into any home where the chances of her being raped were high. But I also have sons that aren't sexually precocious, but they can be terrible teasers -- so I can see it being either situation. And also the sad thing is in a step-sibling situation, they really cannot be viewed as brothers and sisters.
A co-worker was stressing the other day because her 10 yr. old daughter came home from her father's house crying because her 13 yr. old step-brother climbed in her bed during the night. She was upset and frightened by the incident. Apparently, he did not touch her...but I feel the implication or intention was there. The little girls therapist said that he step-brother was likely "testing the waters" to see how much trouble there would be by doing something "innocent" (like climbing in her bed in the middle of the night).
My co-worker called CPS (who told her that it is an indication that the boy has the intention of doing something worse) and the police (who told her that it was perfectly fine for him to sleep in the same bed with her because he didn't touch her).
Sorry, but I don't believe this is normal or perfectly fine. I believe this boy has / had every intention of touching or molesting this little girl. At 13, he has to know that this was inappropriate.
How worried should she be here?
If it were me...I would STOP visitation, and let him take me to court for contempt....if it were me. That is a fast way to get before the judge. I'd have my report to CPS documents of their findingsz, a copy of the police report, and a copy of the certified letter that I had sent to my ex stating what the little girl said happened.
Your friend should contact her divorce attorney and draw up new visitation papers. Also she needs to followup w/ CPS, they can help w/ the emergency order....A Judge will not mess around, have the judge talk to the little girl. And the little girl should not be forced to visit her Dad under these circumstances at all. That's why the emergency hearing. They can sit up different visitation. Your friend needs to get this in front of a judge period.
The boy needs to go to a counselor or in front of the custody judge....Someone needs to get control of this...Two lives are at stake imo. So sorry, what a horrific situation. But, she should NOT let this little girl go back until the situation is different, and monitored by the court. Way too risky, and psychologically damaging to this little girl. She needs to be in counseling too. Poor kid..Protect her.
Are you really asking this? I saw my first porno movie when i was 13. I discovered the tape in my dad's room, i use to watch the film everytime my family left me alone in the house. I am 18 now, i can clearly recall events that happen five years ago, so i would know. I actually know several friends who lost their virginity at age 14. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 13(pathetic relationship of course,but you guys intend). My 8 year old cousin likes to play Grand Theft Auto(a video game series) to pick up hookers and grind with girls in the club. Stop calling him a little boy, thats pathetic, the weirdeist and grossest years of a guy is during teenage years.I know teenagers are dumber than what they think, but they are actually more devious than what you think.
Therapy sounds extreme, i really dont know why. But i know if something happens to that girl, it might now tramautize her, heck she might not even know what happen, until a a few years later when she becomes a teenager. Or maybe she wont even have a clue because she was asleep.
If you just know the 10 year old already feels uncomfortable around him, that means she already felt uncomfortable around him before that happen and before you already knew that she feels uncomfortable around him. It actually takes some time for small children to open up to issues like this because they dont really know what to do.
And come on, snuggling because of brotherly love? Pfft only couples who are in love or older teenage/young adult horndogs like me snuggle.
If i was that 13 year old older brother, i would smack him across the back of the head REALLY hard.
Very realistic opinion. I do not get why so many people seem to think this 13 year old "mean" stepbrother crawling into and refusing to leave the bed of his terrified 10 yr old step sister is acceptable.
I strongly agree w/ you that by the time kids are able to express that they are afraid, they've been afraid for awhile. This little girl is crying for help! Very intelligent comments from you.
This is not a clear case of the 13 year old boy having raging hormones and he can't wait to get his groove on with his 10 year old stepsister.
This is all third party information, the girl was startled, does that mean a sexual act was about to begin? No, She was startled, period, that doesn't mean anything. Children do not have adult reasoning, because most of you have a adult sexual thoughts you can not assume a 13 year old is having these thoughts about his stepsister.
There could be many reasons why he wanted to feel close to his stepsister, bonding issues and a new blended family can confuse children.
He may not understand what is exceptable, bonding with step siblings and parents can be confusing, counseling may help.
The phobia this country has with underage sex boggle my mind sometimes.
The same parent that would call the cops regarding this behavior would most likely allow their child to sit and watch a movie where people's heads are being blown off...
This is not a clear case of the 13 year old boy having raging hormones and he can't wait to get his groove on with his 10 year old stepsister.
This is all third party information, the girl was startled, does that mean a sexual act was about to begin? No, She was startled, period, that doesn't mean anything. Children do not have adult reasoning, because most of you have a adult sexual thoughts you can not assume a 13 year old is having these thoughts about his stepsister.
There could be many reasons why he wanted to feel close to his stepsister, bonding issues and a new blended family can confuse children.
He may not understand what is exceptable, bonding with step siblings and parents can be confusing, counseling may help.
Seems frightened is more suited since in the OP it stated she came home crying and was upset and frightened.
It may mean something that she was frightened to that extent particularly by a stepbrother who has a history of being mean and dismissive to her and has not explained or been asked to explain why he crawled into her bed at night unannounced.
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