Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think there is a mix here.. But as one poster said, most of these mom's are easy to spot & I try to steer feee...
I do have a relative though who I am very close with, but she drives me a little nuts lately with all the "bragging".....
She sends weird, random texts like; " making strawberry crepes for my kiddos this am, they just LOVE them" and I think, " how strange to send some random thing like that at 7am "
I mean, honestly, do you care what some mom is making for her kids for breakfast?
It's always about how busy they are, blah,blah...
So, unfortunately, I find myself avoiding conversations with her lately....
I hear you loud and clear. THIS is part of the kind of phenomenon I was talking about. Sometimes the signals are very subtle and small, like the one you mentioned. Many people would probably not even notice or would fine them largely innocent, maybe because self-absorption and "self-congratulism" (I just invented an "-ism"!!!) are becoming completely normalized.
But I don't. Like yourself, I end up wondering: "Really, what is the real reason behind you saying this?...how strange to send some random thing like that at 7:00 am?".
It is not like I meet armies of moms all the time, marching around with huge banners reading "my child is better than yours" (although those "honor student" bumper stickers are something that continues to puzzle me, amuse me, as well as leave me with little hopes for humanity - all at the same time )
And, good for you that you won't respond further. So you do have the sense to know what to do with these moms you encounter
And again, no love lost
Yes, Tell-the-Truth, of course I have the sense to know WHAT TO DO (when it's doable, it's not always, not that easily at least, but not gonna get into details).
Again though, this was not the topic of discussion. The aim of the thread was rather "analytical/contemplative" than "prescriptive/problem-solving".
I never asked you "what should I do about these moms?". Do you really think I would have started the thread only to get answers such as "avoid them?"
I asked you about your opinion on the "mompetition" phenomenon. You responded that this is not a "phenomenon", it is just normal human behavior and then you gave me advice on how to deal with this "normal" (from your standpoint) human behavior.
I hear you loud and clear. THIS is part of the kind of phenomenon I was talking about. Sometimes the signals are very subtle and small, like the one you mentioned. Many people would probably not even notice or would fine them largely innocent, maybe because self-absorption and "self-congratulism" (I just invented an "-ism"!!!) are becoming completely normalized.
But I don't. Like yourself, I end up wondering: "Really, what is the real reason behind you saying this?...how strange to send some random thing like that at 7:00 am?".
It is not like I meet armies of moms all the time, marching around with huge banners reading "my child is better than yours" (although those "honor student" bumper stickers are something that continues to puzzle me, amuse me, as well as leave me with little hopes for humanity - all at the same time )
No one would think a text like that at 7am was normal. At least I don't think anyone would. That's just weird.
I do see stuff like that on Facebook or in blogs though but I don't really see it in the same light as mompetitors as people are just sharing small snapshots of thier life and most people choose to share the positive rather then the negative when speaking to large groups. I know that they all deal with the same parenting crap that I deal with. They probably just tend to share the crappy times with their friends rather then their FB friends or on thier public blog.
When I meet a mompetitor, my gut assumption is that she is lonely and trying desperately to connect but is going about it in a way that makes people want to steer clear rather then befriend so she overcompensates by trying even harder to be the best mom rather then trying to just connect with other moms. Most mompetitors that I can think of off of the top of my head are type A people, perfectionist, controlling, "black and white thinking" types.
Honestly, I think if you're happy and supportive of your own kids and what they're doing, you'll be less inclined to take offense when you run into a "mompetitor". These ladies tend to be highly organized, goal oriented, driven, motivated people who know how to get things done. More power to them.
If you label every woman who brags a little about her kids as a "mompetitor" you might be just a wee bit on the competitive side yourself...
(although those "honor student" bumper stickers are something that continues to puzzle me,
FYI Those started because forty years ago the only kids who got recognition at school were the jocks. Maybe the band members if they won competitions. Nobody cared about the nerd who won the science fair.
Schools decided to start recognizing the smart kids who made good grades. (I suspect the science geeks became parents and decided it was about time the geeky kid who was headed to MIT got a little public pat on the back.)
I think we all know Mom's like this. And it's not just a normal conversation about your children and what they are up to. It's the relentless on and on and on about their kid; their accomplishments; how hard AlphaMom has worked to make these accomplishments possible (strawberry crepes at 7 am.)
I cannot stand Mom's like this and I happen to be related to one. SAHM now with a teen-ager in high school. And she is still relentlessly involved in every aspect of her daughter's life. And must share EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT. Her daughter is SO POPULAR and Mom is helping her WORK ON THE HOMECOMING FLOAT; and at least 10 BOYS ASKED HER TO HOMECOMING; did I mention HOMECOMING? . . . . . and it's so exhausting on Supermom - living vicariously through her daughter.
Ugh. I cannot imagine what she will do when her daughter leaves home; if she is ever able to.
But I also agree with the other poster - if your children get into competitive sports - you will see the worst of mankind. Mom and Dad both.
Maybe it's always been like this? Bragging about Johnnie and little Susie???
Honestly, I think if you're happy and supportive of your own kids and what they're doing, you'll be less inclined to take offense when you run into a "mompetitor". These ladies tend to be highly organized, goal oriented, driven, motivated people who know how to get things done. More power to them.
If you label every woman who brags a little about her kids as a "mompetitor" you might be just a wee bit on the competitive side yourself...
I agree with your first sentence whole-heartedly - I think of it as irritating personality quirk, akin to the colleague who will always let you know about his/her integral importance to the team project/the field. I disagree that mompetitors are more organized, goal-oriented, driven or motivated than non-mompetitors. I know plenty of people with those characteristics who don't have the element of "mine or my way is better" or "oh look, my 9 month old is learning Calculus, Mandarin AND ballet." IMO, being proud of one's kids or hearing about people being proud of their kids is different than parenting as a competitive sport (which I think is lame).
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 09-22-2012 at 03:06 PM..
Honestly, I think if you're happy and supportive of your own kids and what they're doing, you'll be less inclined to take offense when you run into a "mompetitor". These ladies tend to be highly organized, goal oriented, driven, motivated people who know how to get things done. More power to them.
If you label every woman who brags a little about her kids as a "mompetitor" you might be just a wee bit on the competitive side yourself...
Brags a little?
Their kids, their minute care for their kids, how well their kids do, how lucky they got with so and so situation... is ALL such women can talk of. I mentioned that they tend to gravitate towards "kids talk" and "kid accomplishment-related" talk, no matter how you twist it.
A movie? A book? Hobbies? Politics? Philosophy? Some travel...then OK...not everyone is a "thinker"...I don't know...some gossip about the next-door-neighbor (just not kid related)?
Not a chance.
I am as concerned about my children's future as these alpha-women are. Absolutely.
The difference might be that I always try to keep my mom concerns and proud moments within the confines of my family, whereas these women feel the need to spread it all around.
This has nothing to do with LOVE OF KID.
It has everything to do with LOVE OF "ME".
I agree with your first sentence whole-heartedly - I think of it as irritating personality quirk. I disagree that mompetitors are more organized, goal-oriented, driven or motivated than non-mompetitors. I know plenty of people with those characteristics who don't have the element of "mine or my way is better" or "oh look, my 9 month old is learning Calculus, Mandarin AND ballet." IMO, being proud of one's kids or hearing about people being proud of their kids is different than parenting as a competitive sport (which I think is lame).
I hear you. But just think of the pressure these women are under to get things accomplished. It would really frazzle me to do what they do. I mean that quite sincerely.
Plus, many times their advocacy/hard work on behalf of their own child winds up benefiting my child, too.
I hear you. But just think of all the pressure these women put on themselves. It must be very exhausting...
Lol! That is a fair point.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) are becoming completely normalized. 
That is a fair point.
