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What? I've always heard that a fully potty trained-circle time sitting-already reading at the 2nd grade level- able to tie their own shoes-and-write their own name two year old is set for life. Nothing left to be done.
I wonder how much of this is really "mompetition," and how much is just someone feeling insecure about themselves. I've met a mom or two that was annoyingly braggy about not just their child, but pretty much everything. That was just their personality. If they didn't have a kid to brag about, they would brag about their car, their home, their husbands, their new shoes, etc. Easy enough to smile, cut the conversation as short as possible, and move on. Not ever annoying or stressing enough to give much thought to.
Most mothers I know, including myself, don't go out their way to rub anything in anyone's face. In casual conversation, or if asked, you may find out that a child is in the gifted program, takes karate, piano, and foreign language classes, eats only organic foods, or whatever...but I don't know anyone who goes out of their way to compare what they do to what you do, or to constantly bring it up in conversation.
Personally, I feel it's my duty as a mom to make sure my child is prepared to be the best she can be. I am proud of her and her accomplishments, and I feel there are close friends and family that I can share those accomplishments with. However, someone feels threatened because I casually mention something about my dd's accomplishments or talents, I feel that's their issue, not mine.
And my ONLY issue with the bumper stickers is I would not advertise to every stranger and weirdo in the world what school my child attends. Otherwise, who cares. Your child is on the honor roll, great. He has every reason to be proud of that. I don't know why that would bother anyone else.
And my ONLY issue with the bumper stickers is I would not advertise to every stranger and weirdo in the world what school my child attends. Otherwise, who cares. Your child is on the honor roll, great. He has every reason to be proud of that. I don't know why that would bother anyone else.
I really don't have a problem with those bumper stickers, myself.
But I've always wondered what happens to those bumper stickers if/when the child fails to make the honor roll in subsequent grading periods. Do the parents peel those things off? Do they keep them on? How exactly does one handle that?
Waoooow!!! 180 degrees turn! Abrupt change of direction, brace yourselves!
Sorry, no.
I was addressing the fact that you had started addressing competition. Mompetition and competition are two different things.
You can be competitive without bragging. And, according to your theory, a key component of mompetition is the bragging and the mother living through her child's accomplishments. Actually, I believe the true competitors don't brag when they win. They shake hands with their opponents and say, "Good game!" Something, if we follow your theory, a mompetitor would never do.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-24-2012 at 07:56 AM..
I wonder how much of this is really "mompetition," and how much is just someone feeling insecure about themselves. I've met a mom or two that was annoyingly braggy about not just their child, but pretty much everything. That was just their personality. If they didn't have a kid to brag about, they would brag about their car, their home, their husbands, their new shoes, etc. Easy enough to smile, cut the conversation as short as possible, and move on. Not ever annoying or stressing enough to give much thought to.
Most mothers I know, including myself, don't go out their way to rub anything in anyone's face. In casual conversation, or if asked, you may find out that a child is in the gifted program, takes karate, piano, and foreign language classes, eats only organic foods, or whatever...but I don't know anyone who goes out of their way to compare what they do to what you do, or to constantly bring it up in conversation.
Personally, I feel it's my duty as a mom to make sure my child is prepared to be the best she can be. I am proud of her and her accomplishments, and I feel there are close friends and family that I can share those accomplishments with. However, someone feels threatened because I casually mention something about my dd's accomplishments or talents, I feel that's their issue, not mine.
And my ONLY issue with the bumper stickers is I would not advertise to every stranger and weirdo in the world what school my child attends. Otherwise, who cares. Your child is on the honor roll, great. He has every reason to be proud of that. I don't know why that would bother anyone else.
Yes, great point about people being "braggy" or just into the habit of oversharing. Some people are selfish conversationalists and don't know how to exchange information. They take over a conversation and divulge the tiniest details, oblivious to whether or not the other person's eyes have glazed over (or closed altogether).
It's very easy to walk away and keep your distance from these types -- except when you have kids. If your kid develops a friendship (and they are too young to just be dropped off at the park) you are forced to stay at the park and socialize and become victim to this type of convo. Sure, bring a book, jump on that cell phone, be proactive and redirect the conversation you are sucked into (I've done this many times, but it can be exhausting and I'm not out to change people).
Perhaps these women were like this all their lives and now just obsess over their kids. I doubt the kid conversation is just saved for other moms at the park. If she works, she prob overshares kid info w/co-workers. If there is such a thing as date-night in that home, it's likely chitter chatter about the kids, too.
I'm all for being proud of your kids (or any family member). I think it's adorable when seniors brag a bit about their kids. After all, it's all about family. There is nothing wrong with dropping a line here and there about what your kids are up to. (And many times, if I care about the person, I am genuinely interested and I ask.) What the OP is referring to here, is the extreme.
Yes, I continue to walk away from it and gravitate toward those with a little more "balance." As my kids get a little older, branch out with more friends, I can avoid these types of moms altogether. Thank goodness.
My question is: have you, personally, been faced with this situation before? Do you perceive it to exist out there or you can say, in all honesty, that you have no idea what such people are talking about?
I would have said no, I have not been personally faced with it, but I have heard other people talk about it. However, then you said--
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
For example, we have some friends...a couple with two children the age of ours, with whom we have kept in touch over the past years mainly on the rationale that we both have kids the same age and they could play together, etc. We also have the same national origins (born and raised in the same country).
I cannot say that I would have had a great friendship compatibility with this mother, in and of itself, above and beyond the few aspects we have in common, mainly "kids the same age" and "same national origins".
When we meet, this lady invariably turns the discussion to children. How they do, what do they do, how much they do, what activities they are in, what she cooks for children, what she packs for lunch and how hers eat so much healthier, fresher foods than what the mainstream generally eats. The woman is obsessed with organics and healthy living, with sports for a healthy development of the body, with running marathons and making sure her kids do the same thing, and with everything else that you could possibly shine at (Her children are indeed quite athletic).
She also talks a lot about her children's school and how the teachers are like, and how lucky they seem to be every year to land the best possible teacher in school, which teacher happens to be so well-traveled internationally, so well-rounded and open minded, not at all like the other "provincials" in the same school, teaching at the same grade. She never said the world "provincial", but this is what she implies. She also documents every step of their lives and posts showers of pictures online (she mass-e-mails a link monthly) with the places they go, the parties they attend, the perfect little attires her daughter wears, the fantastic organic food that she packs for the child's lunch, all events at school. She is literally an obsessive picture taker and cannot live one moment picture-free.
Yes, you are probably tired only from reading this paragraph.
I do know two moms who are very much like this, one almost to a T. The other is my cousin, who is not so regimented at home but still very, very involved with her very busy, very accomplished children. I don't think of them as competing with ME, though. The "to a T" mom I know is the mother of my son's classmate. She talks nonstop about her kids, their activities, their live-in bilingual tutor, their organic vegetarian homecooked meals, their superclean nontoxic home, etc. (peppered with references to their weekends at the lake house with their friends), but I don't know her that well so there's not much to say, just nod and smile. She doesn't put down my son or verbally compare what we do (she does most of the talking), so if she's judging me then thank the Spaghetti Monster I am oblivious. I envy the lake house but the rest of it would drive me insane, seriously. And I don't think my cousin judges me. She doesn't have an air of perfection or superiority to her, at least not with me. She is the picture taker (ENDLESS beautiful pictures and the daily blog), and the seven of them are always color-coordinated and matchy when they go out together.
What? I've always heard that a fully potty trained-circle time sitting-already reading at the 2nd grade level- able to tie their own shoes-and-write their own name two year old is set for life. Nothing left to be done.
Not true?
I think the only thing left is early admission to med school. It's important to get that out of the way before the other 10 year olds have a chance to apply.
I would have said no, I have not been personally faced with it, but I have heard other people talk about it. However, then you said--
I do know two moms who are very much like this, one almost to a T. The other is my cousin, who is not so regimented at home but still very, very involved with her very busy, very accomplished children. I don't think of them as competing with ME, though. The "to a T" mom I know is the mother of my son's classmate. She talks nonstop about her kids, their activities, their live-in bilingual tutor, their organic vegetarian homecooked meals, their superclean nontoxic home, etc. (peppered with references to their weekends at the lake house with their friends), but I don't know her that well so there's not much to say, just nod and smile. She doesn't put down my son or verbally compare what we do (she does most of the talking), so if she's judging me then thank the Spaghetti Monster I am oblivious. I envy the lake house but the rest of it would drive me insane, seriously. And I don't think my cousin judges me. She doesn't have an air of perfection or superiority to her, at least not with me. She is the picture taker (ENDLESS beautiful pictures and the daily blog), and the seven of them are always color-coordinated and matchy when they go out together.
I also know 2 mom's like this as well, one being my cousin that I wrote about earlier in the thread ( texts me to let me know she is making strawberry crepes for her kids...), the other is a neighbor and I would say she is not doing anything to be judgemental, but she is a selfish conversationist ( as someone put it..), she is always,always talking about her daughter's accomplishments and no ine can get a word in about anything else.
As for my cousin , it does drive me a little nuts. She is so judgemental about things I do, such as " why do you spend so much $$ on thekids clothes, it is such a waste, you should care more about the environment and go to the thrift stores" or; " my kids didn't even know what a DS was until YOUR girls brought theirs over, thank god my kids still use their imagination when they play" ( insert- her kids now each have their own DS- but only because grandma bought them-ahem...)
She makes beautiful birthday cakes for her kids, I buy mine at a bakery and I get " such a waste of money again"
I do let it get to me sometimes feeling pretty inferior ...
She is also the type of person that acts like everything is just so easy and why do people get stressed,etc...
My husband travels feequently for his job and with no family around, sometimes I can be a little frazzled, depending on the day... For the most part, I think I am pretty normal with my frustratiions. Her husband doesn't travel and is home from work at 4pm every day.... This Summer, her husband went away on a vacation w/ his brother and she says to me " I don't know why you are so stressed when (hubby) is gone!" " The kids & I had so much fun, we went here with my mom , they had a sleepover at their cousins,etc" and I did kind of snap & say that I felt it was a little different, her husband was on a vacation, it was Summer and the kids weren't doing homework or going to this or that activity or CCd at night AND, the kids were busy with relatives and this was a 1x deal, not a weekly thing.... So, yes, I shouldn't have snapped, but in my eyes, it is just different
So, I do sometimes feel that she is competing, for what? I honestly don't know... But it does bother me.
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Something, if we follow your theory, a mompetitor would never do.
