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This conversation took place on CD a few years ago and gives some interesting information about how much a person would have problems as dating adults. This means, at least to me, that parental support is all that more important since so many would be dismissed if they ever got in a relationship without being honest from the get go. You meet someone, you fall in love, and you find out your true love is a Transexual?
Thank you to all of you. I think I'm feeling particularly sensitive about this topic lately because of the situation with my cousin and her step-son. He's always been a very 'different' kind of kid, just as I was very different growing up.
I actually don't know if he's transgendered or not- my cousin's sole evidence of this is that he 'runs like a girl' and is effeminate in some ways in her opinion. She also believes he may be gay for the same reasons (like many people, she doesn't understand that trans =/= gay.)
She is determined to change everything about this boy. She makes him practice running 'straight' until he's exhausted. She harangues him about what clothes he wears, how he talks, and what subjects he talks about. He has been given the message that everything about who he is, is *wrong* and must be changed.
Not surprisingly, this child is defiant, has low self-confidence, and would rather live with his mother. I had a very long, very honest conversation with my cousin a few weeks ago and basically told her that she is *hurting* him and he would be better off without her in his life. Ideally she would separate from the biological father, but I felt she really liked hearing me say she's damaging him. She wants an excuse to give the biological mother full-time custody because she simply does not *like* this boy. However, she loves his brother, who is *normal* in my cousin's words.
The entire situation breaks my heart (can you imagine knowing you weren't wanted, but your brother was?) The only thing that really stood out to me and kind of really encompasses this entire thread was when I told her she should tell him *now* that if he's gay/trans/straight/whatever, it's okay. She told me she couldn't do that because that would be encouraging him.
You can't encourage someone to be gay or straight, trans or cis gendered. You can only encourage them to *accept* it. If they're going to be trans, they'll be trans...it isn't a choice the parent gets to make. It isn't even a choice the child gets to make. The only choice the parent gets in these matters is if they want to help their child to be happy in their own skin...or not. The fact that some parents choose NOT to help their child to love themselves is a terrible thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
This conversation took place on CD a few years ago and gives some interesting information about how much a person would have problems as dating adults. This means, at least to me, that parental support is all that more important since so many would be dismissed if they ever got in a relationship without being honest from the get go. You meet someone, you fall in love, and you find out your true love is a Transexual?
And this brings up another point. To everyone who said they would want to support their child if they were trans, the best thing you can do is to raise your non-trans children to supportive of transsexuals and aware of the struggles they face (just as you would discuss racism, sexism, and gay rights.) If any of your children DO discover they are trans, they'll already know its safe to tell you. If they aren't, you're helping to protect all of the other trans individuals in the world. Trans individuals don't just face disdain and disgust in the dating world...they face real physical violence, rape, and murder. Transwomen are often barred from support networks and resources for survivors of abuse. By raising your children to be aware, you help support all of the trans children out there who might not have the supportive parents that you hope to be.
This Op Ed piece, written by an Iraq vet appeared on the front page of my local paper recently. I live in a very progressive community and if was hard for Ms. Taylor in this community, I can only imagine what it must be like for folks in really conservative areas.
You can't encourage someone to be gay or straight, trans or cis gendered. You can only encourage them to *accept* it. If they're going to be trans, they'll be trans...it isn't a choice the parent gets to make. It isn't even a choice the child gets to make. The only choice the parent gets in these matters is if they want to help their child to be happy in their own skin...or not. The fact that some parents choose NOT to help their child to love themselves is a terrible thing.
This... parents need to be educated on such things because of the damage they do trying to "correct" things that cannot be corrected (& are not inherently bad anyway). Honestly, this is abusive & I really hope I live to see the day where it is no longer tolerated by society.
I'm sorry for your cousin's ignorance & everything that boy is going through. I really hope his brother does not internalize her hateful behavior & become a homophobe himself. What a terrible role model.
I agree. You don't have to act on your thoughts and desires to be considered gay or straight.
Teenagers are a perfect example. A straight 15 year old boy has a sexual orientation no matter whether he had sex or not. He's never had sex with a female, but he knows he straight.
I think when you constantly think about something such as murder or even sex, your chances of acting upon it are sky-high. No normal person thinks about murdering people all the time or any time without ever wanting to act upon those desires.
Great Post Parell
I started realizing I was attracted to women at 14. I came out at 16. I only had sex for the first time at age 21. Exhibit A.
I started realizing I was attracted to women at 14. I came out at 16. I only had sex for the first time at age 21. Exhibit A.
Exactly. I've noticed that you see signs when a child is young if they aren't going to be straight.
As parents we have to learn to accept our child is going to be how you want him to be. It kill me to hear parents say " She's going to be a doctor" "He's playing in the NFL" "He's this, she's that"
HELLO? Since when did the parents decide what a child will be? Let them grow up and decide for their own.
So do you guys believe that it's more of parents or society that places a pressure? I thought more so, society.. but after some of your stories and it seems parents play a bigger role..
All of yalls insight has helped my understanding!! I can not relate but it's something I do respect.
So do you guys believe that it's more of parents or society that places a pressure? I thought more so, society.. but after some of your stories and it seems parents play a bigger role..
All of yalls insight has helped my understanding!! I can not relate but it's something I do respect.
Which plays a bigger role really has more to do with the child. Some children are very peer orientated, which means the opinions of their peers can have a huge effect. Even if their parents are supportive, if they are regularly harassed by their peer group it can result in depression/suicide/etc.
Some children are just less tied to their peers or more solitary in personality. That child may be able to ignore what their peers think, but may be very affected by family pressure because they love their parents. That love leaves them very vulnerable.
Either way, the other issue is that parents can do something peers can't...they can effectively remove the child's only hope for a safe place. A parent has much more power over the child than their peers. They have the ability to ensure that the child never has a safe place to explore their own identity. A child who is harassed at school may come home to a household where they have to hid who they are...where they are judged, or told to act differently, or not allowed to wear what makes them feel comfortable.
This is why I keep harping on the concept of a safe harbor. It can make a huge difference in the emotional lives of these children. A peer can torment a child, but they don't have the ability to destroy that safe harbor like a parent does.
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