Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I guess I'm new school parent ...what's wrong with a kid snacking and eating throughout the day?
Do you pay for the food,or does the father pay?
This is different than a 17 teen year old. 12 years old can be different. Most kids that age don't like baths.
Personally,I think kids that age needs baths and showers in the morning before school.
But still,why are you telling him when to take a bath? Its like you are trying to micro manage the kid. That isn't important. He isn't taking drugs,nor having sex.
I guess I'm an "old school" parent. In our home there was a thing called a "routine" ! My spouse put it best to our kids by advising them that she was not running a freeking "24 hour diner". A snack after school, activity etc was one thing.......all day "grazing" was out ! Meals were served at certain, predetermined times....and "if you snooze...you lose". Mom's kitchen.......Mom's rules. Bath time was usually predicated on degree of "grubbiness" but usually early hours place a bathroom in high demand.......especially if there are girls in the house (sorry ladies....you know I'm right .....With that said.....it's not about "who" bought the food.......or "who" pays the water bill.......It's about what works best in that home !
Last edited by Irish4evr; 11-03-2012 at 10:52 AM..
Reason: sp
I guess I'm new school parent ...what's wrong with a kid snacking and eating throughout the day?
Do you pay for the food,or does the father pay?
This is different than a 17 teen year old. 12 years old can be different. Most kids that age don't like baths.
Personally,I think kids that age needs baths and showers in the morning before school.
But still,why are you telling him when to take a bath? Its like you are trying to micro manage the kid. That isn't important. He isn't taking drugs,nor having sex.
Yes -- and I think this is more a problem of bringing outsiders into a home and family because all too often the outsiders want to start changing the rules.
There is really no one way to raise a child --- some people want everyone sitting at a family dinner and no one gets up until they're told they can get up and everyone eats what is served - no questions asked. Even 2 year olds are expected to sit quietly and eat what they're served.
Others have a more flexible attitude. I never saw any reason to make any issue at all about eating. If a child comes home hungry for school and has 3 bowls of cereal with milk, fine and then might not be hungry for dinner. And if a two year old eats and then wants on the floor to play with toys - another non-issue.
The problem with that though would be to bring someone else into the home and expect them to agree or to force the children into changing and accepting a lot of new and strict rules.
Hmmmm. I am wondering why it is the OPs business? Hopefully that doesn't sound too rude. It is the fiancee's child, not hers. It sounds like interference to me. If you're not going to support the child, then let the parents and legal guardians raise him the way they've done it for the past 17 years.
I think if you interfere too much, it could cause a lot of conflict w/ the parent/guardian, the teenager and the outside person. If you are really opposed to the son's behavior, be ready for an uphill battle.
I would say in order to maintain sanity, you should simply hide your valuables and mind your business. Since you are now pregnant, I guess you can't really leave...but you are not going to be able to change the son or the father's behavior by nagging.
My soon to be husband has a 17 yr old boy. He is very lazy and everyone knows it. Anyhow, this kid does nothing but "game" day in and day out. His father doesnt know how to parent this child. I offer advice and even try to instill values and hand out discipline. That hasnt worked. The only thing that happened with that was that my fiancee now has his sons back and makes me look like a fool. We are about to have a baby and i cant deal with this. His son has only 7 credits toward high school graduation and is 17!!! His father isnt even trying to get this kid to grow up. He has stolen my credit card, his fathers and now the grandparents card!! There is no punishment from his father!! Funny thing ... my fiancee doesnt have custody. The grandparents do. They dont want him and his mother is mia. Ive broken up with him over this. He is ready to put his son out. Where else can the kid go? Is this the tuff love he needs? To realize theres no such thing as laziness? The kid started his first job only about a month ago and no longer has a job because he is so lazy he does nothing but stand there. How will he survive out there? Im so confused!! What do we do? Just drop him at the grandparents door step? They have custody so they should carry the burden? Help!!!
You are not this young man's parent! For God's sake, you are not even a step-parent! If you feel so badly about his upbringing, why did you procreate with his father? It is not your prerogative or obligation to discipline this YOUNG MAN. Why don't you call him lazy a few more times (and point out that "everyone knows it)? You sicken me.
"We are about to have a baby" - You look like a fool because you are a fool! Leave this kid alone; he has been injured enough at the hand of your (soon to be) husband! The best thing for all involved is for you to go away. Just go do your own thing, alone. Maybe crawl back under that rock . . .
You are not this young man's parent! For God's sake, you are not even a step-parent! If you feel so badly about his upbringing, why did you procreate with his father? It is not your prerogative or obligation to discipline this YOUNG MAN. Why don't you call him lazy a few more times (and point out that "everyone knows it)? You sicken me.
"We are about to have a baby" - You look like a fool because you are a fool! Leave this kid alone; he has been injured enough at the hand of your (soon to be) husband! The best thing for all involved is for you to go away. Just go do your own thing, alone. Maybe crawl back under that rock . . .
Speaking of emerging from under a rock....the thread is 5 years old.
A co-worker of mine married someone who was divorced and had a son she didn't really care for, but she loved the man and married him, thinking it wouldn't be an issue since he lived with his mom. Wrong.
She and her husband went on to have two children. Both parents worked and her family helped out with childcare.
The boy would come over as a young teen and have tantrums, manipulate his father, swear, refuse to help out, and leave messes all over the house,and dad felt guilty he was only a part time dad to him and wouldn't correct him. When the younger kids started copying his behavior, she started leaving their home on weekends the boy was over for visitation with his father, so she and their children wouldn't be subjected to that. They'd stay with her sister every other weekend for years.
Fast forward - her two kids are in high school now. He's a grown adult who doesn't have a good job and is always telling his father why he needs to give him money, etc. and all of a sudden several weeks ago, dad keels over from a heart attack and dies.
Even though he wasn't named in the will, the son has hired a lawyer because he's accusing her of stealing (his word) his *inheritance*.
She's had a lifetime of drama and arguing with her husband about the son and I wouldn't be surprised if some of this contributed to his heart attack.
Your fiance is irresponsible, he's helped create this person, and the time to have resorted to tough love was about twelve years ago.
But he didn't have custody of his son - for some reason the court felt he shouldn't have it or he chose to give it up. Either way, not a model father.
It is easy to blame some stranger you maybe never met and very difficult to see the faults of one you love . . .
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.....With that said.....it's not about "who" bought the food.......or "who" pays the water bill.......It's about what works best in that home !
You're not his Momma
