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I am not saying she is screwy in the head for asking to be paid for regular child care duties.
In my culture, that is utterly bizarre, but I know white American culture often has different ideas and family values.
I am talking about getting peeved over not getting more time with the kid so she can make her 50 dollars.
I mean, duh...if other gammy is gonna take 10 bucks.
And the mall thing really blows my mind.
I agree. It's one thing to be asked to be paid but quite another to complain about wanting more time so you can be paid. If mom wants you today, you get paid. If she has cheaper arrangements, then it's not your day.
And I'd be making sure I took the child care write off for the days I paid $50-grandma.
No it isn't. I don't have time to pull it now but there is research to back this up. Kith and kin care is the only form of child care that is found to be, consistently, inferior to all other forms when it comes to outcomes. On the bright side, it's only slightly inferior but consistently inferior. The theory is that it is viewed as a favor to the parents moreso than a job of helping the child develop resulting in the kith and kin provider not making up for things the mother would have done if there the way an educated and trained dcp would. Even a grandmother is unlikely to do the things a dcp would when "baby sitting"...unless said grandmother is an educated and trained dcp.
Well we are not talking about a "friend or relative", we are talking about a grandmother. Funny enough some people believe love and nurturing to be more important than dcp in the young child. Imagine that!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Mothers tend to figure out what to do, if they are home, because of the sheer amount of time they have with their kids to fill. Dcp's know to do developmental things because they are educated and trained in child development. Hence they make up for what mom doesn't do. A friend or relative may or may not do so. Parents are also reluctant to rock the boat with a friend or relative if they are unhappy with the care being given. Hence this care choice being, consistently, inferior.
Last edited by Zimbochick; 09-26-2012 at 07:32 PM..
FTR, only one form of child care has been found to, consistently, deliver inferior results when compared to other forms of child care including staying home and that is kith and kin care. The use of friends and relatives to provide day care. Often they just baby sit where a trained dcp will have a developmental plan for the child. Are the grandmothers reading to your child? Playing age appropriate educational games? Are they taking the child to the park and for walks and to the zoo or wherever? Are they doing the things you don't have time to because you're working? Often relatives see their time with the baby as their time to enjoy the baby moreso than seeing themselves as a care provider responsible for the child's development in the absence of the parents.
The studies show that children who have received care by relatives and friends have shown (by a very small margin) to be less school ready then their peers. Saying that the results are inferior is a stretch. Maybe it will take them a bit of time to catch up with their peers but there are other factors not measured in the study so saying that the results of the care are "inferior" is disingenuous.
Thank your mom and tell her you want her to just enjoy being with her grandchild, so you will be making other arrangements for childcare.
Magnolia Blooms suggestion sounds like a very gracious gesture....then go with the MIL..I can't imagine charging my kid to spend time with my lil sweethearts...Worse comes to worse just tell her NO, you flat out can't afford her, hopefully that won't deter her from seeing her grandchild..I just can't get over her asking you for that much cash...sooo wrong in sooo many ways...sorry
When she first proposed her "rates," did you tell her she is out of her mind? Did you ask her WHY she thinks she should be paid for interacting with her grandchild?
I would just laugh at her at this point . . . pretty ridiculous.
The studies show that children who have received care by relatives and friends have shown (by a very small margin) to be less school ready then their peers. Saying that the results are inferior is a stretch. Maybe it will take them a bit of time to catch up with their peers but there are other factors not measured in the study so saying that the results of the care are "inferior" is disingenuous.
That's funny. My mommy raised me and I far surpassed 99.9% of my 'peers.'
My Grandma watched my kids, never charged me a dime. I took care of her when she needed help, never charged her either. I did give my Mom some money when she took my kids all summer, for spending money, heck, she took them to Sea World, San Diego Zoo, she loved it. The kids loved it.
Sorry your Mom is like that. Don't stress about it.
I am not saying she is screwy in the head for asking to be paid for regular child care duties.
In my culture, that is utterly bizarre, but I know white American culture often has different ideas and family values.
I am talking about getting peeved over not getting more time with the kid so she can make her 50 dollars.
I mean, duh...if other gammy is gonna take 10 bucks.
And the mall thing really blows my mind.
Not all white American culture. No grandparent in my extended family would ask for payment for taking care of a grandchild. In fact, I lived with my aunt and uncle for a year. My dad did give them what he would have given my mom for child support, but they would have had no problem with my living there even if he didn't give them any money. My mom is adopting my niece and expecting nothing from my sister for doing it. I will say, though, that for some reason my family seems to be very different than many "white families." My sisters-in-law (from a very different culture than here, and a very family oriented one) have already told us they will take care of our kids while we work with no payment necessary. We would pay them, just because we would want to. However, it wouldn't be expected.
I am not saying she is screwy in the head for asking to be paid for regular child care duties.
In my culture, that is utterly bizarre, but I know white American culture often has different ideas and family values.
I am talking about getting peeved over not getting more time with the kid so she can make her 50 dollars.
I mean, duh...if other gammy is gonna take 10 bucks.
And the mall thing really blows my mind.
Yeah, but its different for different ppl...culture that is...so in some u pay for childcare, in other's it bizarre to take money to take care your own...and it's different from family to family.
While I do have full respect and understanding where it comes from, the idea to pay for job ppl are doing, and there is no such thing as free lunch, respect and not to taken for granted, personally I will never expect or ask my step children or our biological children to pay me, if they ask me to babysit our grand kids.End off.
In this case it's to be payed, and it seems we are all deliberating the OP's mum's actions and reasons...either she does not want to be a designated babysitter bc she has other things that fulfill her days, or there is something else going on.
In any case choice should be based on the person u are most comfortable with and have most trust...
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