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OK, so this is a little premature (she's 11 now) But I am not sure what I am going to do once my daughter grows up. Let me explain:
I gave birth to her at 15. I finished High School and went to college off and on, moved about the Country....yada yada. I was never your typical teen mom. I'm now 26, doing good career wise. I will be 33 when she graduates from High School (and I'm going to make sure she goes away to college-like, lives in a dorm, away) I've settled in Las Vegas, for hopefully the remainder of her School-Age Years. It pains me to stay in one place for long, but for her sake I am going to stay here and gain more experience in my field.
I don't see myself ever getting married, and am pretty self-involved, so I don't think I am the marrying type. I definitely don't want anymore kids. I got lucky with my daughter because shes bright and well-behaved. I would hate to roll the dice and give birth to satans spawn. My dream has always been to travel the globe while working. I have seen some jobs that would fit me perfectly after I finish my degree (coupled with my current experience) So here are my questions:
1. Am I wrong for planning for my "reverse-youth" of sorts? I have never made my daughter feel as if I don't want to raise her, I've been extremely responsible-considering the situation. I love her to pieces.
2. I have panic attatcks that one of my older relatives will become imobile- and my plans will be thwarted. Am I horrible for thinking this way?
3. Would I be wrong to send her way to college and then leave the country (she has loads of family, here in the states, she wouldn't be alone) I know people say "Kids dont stop needing you when they turn 18"
OK, so this is a little premature (she's 11 now) But I am not sure what I am going to do once my daughter grows up. Let me explain:
I gave birth to her at 15. I finished High School and went to college off and on, moved about the Country....yada yada. I was never your typical teen mom. I'm now 26, doing good career wise. I will be 33 when she graduates from High School (and I'm going to make sure she goes away to college-like, lives in a dorm, away) I've settled in Las Vegas, for hopefully the remainder of her School-Age Years. It pains me to stay in one place for long, but for her sake I am going to stay here and gain more experience in my field.
I don't see myself ever getting married, and am pretty self-involved, so I don't think I am the marrying type. I definitely don't want anymore kids. I got lucky with my daughter because shes bright and well-behaved. I would hate to roll the dice and give birth to satans spawn. My dream has always been to travel the globe while working. I have seen some jobs that would fit me perfectly after I finish my degree (coupled with my current experience) So here are my questions:
1. Am I wrong for planning for my "reverse-youth" of sorts? I have never made my daughter feel as if I don't want to raise her, I've been extremely responsible-considering the situation. I love her to pieces.
2. I have panic attatcks that one of my older relatives will become imobile- and my plans will be thwarted. Am I horrible for thinking this way?
3. Would I be wrong to send her way to college and then leave the country (she has loads of family, here in the states, she wouldn't be alone) I know people say "Kids dont stop needing you when they turn 18"
I don't see how it would be bad if you leave the country - older parents sometimes do that so being a younger parent shouldn't be an issue.
The fact that you've saved money for her to go to college and live away means you are still financially supporting her beyond age 18 -- that's more than many parents do. And maybe you should travel while you can, your older relatives may stay mobile for now so that might be your cue.
most people are just starting their family at 33 and you will be sending your daughter off to college. If you feel she is well cared for, independent enough to handle college and has some support around her, I see nothing with your setting off on your adventure. perhaps you could include her during the summers or give her a year between high school and college to travel with you.
Since you are so young, why not wait to leave the country when she is 21 with a college diploma. College kids really, really need a home base and their parents, believe it or not. In the meantime, go abroad for your vacations as much as you can. All I know is that when I went away to college, I needed my parents more than ever. I would have been a mess if they left the country. But, maybe that's just me.
I see nothing wrong with making such plans, with the understanding that things may not go exactly as planned. Your dd is still young. A lot can happen between now and then. I would just plan, hope for the best, but be prepared to modify your plans if necessary.
Kudos to you for being a single parent so young and accomplishing what you have. If anyone has earned the right to vacation and enjoy their life, you have. I hope you do get to do so.
I see nothing wrong with making such plans, with the understanding that things may not go exactly as planned. Your dd is still young. A lot can happen between now and then. I would just plan, hope for the best, but be prepared to modify your plans if necessary.
Kudos to you for being a single parent so young and accomplishing what you have. If anyone has earned the right to vacation and enjoy their life, you have. I hope you do get to do so.
I don't think she was talking about a vacation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought she wanted to leave the country as soon as her child entered college which is usally anywhere from 17 and 1/2 to 18 and 1/2.
OK, so this is a little premature (she's 11 now) But I am not sure what I am going to do once my daughter grows up. Let me explain:
I gave birth to her at 15. I finished High School and went to college off and on, moved about the Country....yada yada. I was never your typical teen mom. I'm now 26, doing good career wise. I will be 33 when she graduates from High School (and I'm going to make sure she goes away to college-like, lives in a dorm, away) I've settled in Las Vegas, for hopefully the remainder of her School-Age Years. It pains me to stay in one place for long, but for her sake I am going to stay here and gain more experience in my field.
I don't see myself ever getting married, and am pretty self-involved, so I don't think I am the marrying type. I definitely don't want anymore kids. I got lucky with my daughter because shes bright and well-behaved. I would hate to roll the dice and give birth to satans spawn. My dream has always been to travel the globe while working. I have seen some jobs that would fit me perfectly after I finish my degree (coupled with my current experience) So here are my questions:
1. Am I wrong for planning for my "reverse-youth" of sorts? I have never made my daughter feel as if I don't want to raise her, I've been extremely responsible-considering the situation. I love her to pieces.
2. I have panic attatcks that one of my older relatives will become imobile- and my plans will be thwarted. Am I horrible for thinking this way?
3. Would I be wrong to send her way to college and then leave the country (she has loads of family, here in the states, she wouldn't be alone) I know people say "Kids dont stop needing you when they turn 18"
I'm not getting the "reverse-youth" thingy??
And, kudos for having a plan. As you may know(or life experience is sure to teach you), life rarely happens according to plans, but who despises goals? So, have a goal and don't be anxious!
Last, in any given situation what you've written wouldn't alarm me, but for the fact that you're asking. Consult your own conscience concerning the matter. Don't allow what you hear from anyone, even your own conflicting emotions/reasonings to drown out that very useful voice inside.
I don't think she was talking about a vacation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought she wanted to leave the country as soon as her child entered college which is usally anywhere from 17 and 1/2 to 18 and 1/2.
You're right. Permanent vacation then? Still, I would say plan on it. If things work out, daughter is okay with it, no major calamities, great. If not, maybe at a later date or some kind of alternative dream come true. Personally, at that young age I would still want my mother around but maybe this kid will be fine with it. Only time will tell.
Question - have you talked to your DD about this? (plans to leave the country)
This.
I'm a little concerned that the daughter is going to think, "Mom's outta here when I'm 18." I can't imagine that makes for a secure feeling.
She's still a kid! I think the OP needs to concentrate on helping her child get through the next few years before she makes any concrete plans for what is beyond.
OP You admitted you're self-involved. That's evident. But life is not all about you. You have a daughter. She needs to be your number one concern right now. Have you considered how she might feel about being sent off to college when she's 18 while you go off and try to re-gain your youth? Do her feelings and needs matter? Or only your's? What about the relatives that are still here? If something happens to her while you're gone are they going to be expected to be there for her? Have you asked them how they feel about that?
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Still, I would say plan on it. If things work out, daughter is okay with it, no major calamities, great. If not, maybe at a later date or some kind of alternative dream come true. Personally, at that young age I would still want my mother around but maybe this kid will be fine with it. Only time will tell.
