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I honestly believe that in some cases, women choose to profile and proclaim their breastfeeding as a way of shouting "Look at me! I AM a BETTER mother than you'll ever be!" It may be partly to do what's best for the child, but it also may be partly to get attention, to put down other mothers, and to feel "superior."
I don't find it strange to bf an older child, but see no need to do it in public. If it's done mainly for comfort and bonding, and not nutrition, then it would be unnecessary to do it at a restaurant or while shopping like you would an infant. Also, by the time a child is 4, definitely by 5-6, he or she would be more aware socially, and ready to be more independent of mom. I don't know a single preschooler who would be caught dead nursing in front of other children. Most don't even want to sit on their mom's lap with other kids around. They want to play, interact, socialize, which is all just as important as "bonding" with mom, especially when the kid should have plenty of bonding time alone with mom.
I don't usually get involved in these threads, because it just becomes one big pissing contest. People should just do what is best for themselves and their families, not worry about what other people think, and not worry about what other people are doing. While personally I wouldn't nurse a toddler, I don't have a problem with anyone who does. And while I did breastfeed, I am not going to sit in judgment on those who chose not to, whether it was by choice or circumstances. It really doesn't make me a superior person because I did it and someone else didn't, as long as neither one of our kids starved to death.
Amen! Breatfeeding was something I was not super comfortable with, so I ended up exclusively pumping for three months and built up a freezer stash that lasted another six weeks. But apparently "that" wasn't good enough for many of the types over at KellyMom and Mothering. Whatevs. Eff 'em. LOL
I think it's interesting the mom who mentioned that formula feeding was easier. I agree. It was easier fo rme, but I know a lot of BF moms who thought BF was much easier because you didn't have to deal with bottles, mixing, temperature control, etc. Just lift your shirt and go. I guess it's one of those YMMV things.
I don't agree that the mom on youtube was still breastfeeding for herself. I think she was trying to educate people on extended breastfeeding. I think she was very very naive to think that she could do this because people are so judgemental of things that are outside of their everyday experience.
I agree that people are very judgmental about things they don't agree with or know much about. Which is exactly why that child shouldn't have been featured on a YouTube video, breastfeeding, at age 7. If the mother wanted to educate people about extended breastfeeding, I still see no need for the video with her daughter. That kid, at 7, is presumably in the 2nd grade, in school, with teachers and classmates and friends and friend's parents and everyone else in the world who will see and comment on that. Not to mention how many decades that video is going to circulate in cyberworld and come back up to embarass the girl as a teen and adult. If it's truly a quiet, bonding, comforting moment between mom and daughter, it should remain that way.
I still feel it's a "Look at ME!" moment for the mom. If it was truly about the child, a little common sense would have told her that putting her on the internet was a bad idea. And no one needs to SEE extended breastfeeding to be educated about it.
There are people who judge moms who formula feed and try to make them feel bad and there are people who judge breastfeeding moms and try to make them feel bad. Both of these judgemental groups have been clearly represented in this thread. People equating formula to cheetos and people equating extended breastfeeding to innapropriate and creepy behavior. It's not just breastfeeding moms doing the judging. It goes both ways. Clearly.
To clarify, I said that "at some point, bfing becomes age inappropriate" - as in the mother is doing for the child what the child is perfectly capable of doing for themselves. You don't agree?
As a mom who chose to breastfeed, I was told by one of my in-laws, "don't ever do that in front of me, I don't want to see that". I spent a lot of time at family functions (in-laws) in another room , nursing my baby, feeling alone and unsupported by family because they were all formula feeders and thought breastfeeding was gross. I received looks of shock and disgust by my own mother when I passed the one year mark of breastfeeding because she thought that one year should be the cut off point. I have read enough stranger's opinions on the internet to know that lots of people think it's gross and disgusting and that I'm nothing more then a cow for breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that some mothers have felt judged by breastfeeding moms but you have to realize that the judgment goes both ways. No matter what we choose to do as parents there will always be someone judging. FWIW, I've never seen anyone start a thread on CD bashing formula feeding moms but I've seen plenty started to bash breastfeeding moms. Neither is acceptable, imo.
To clarify, I said that "at some point, bfing becomes age inappropriate" - as in the mother is doing for the child what the child is perfectly capable of doing for themselves. You don't agree?
What age are you talking about? My toddler can drink from a cup, should she be weaned? She can feed herself? Should I wean her?
I think the decision on when to wean is up to the mom and child only. When one or both decide it's time to stop then it's time to stop. I don't agree that anyone outside of the nursing relationship has the authority or all of the information available to say , "it's inappropriate and it's time to stop".
As a mom who chose to breastfeed, I was told by one of my in-laws, "don't ever do that in front of me, I don't want to see that". I spent a lot of time at family functions (in-laws) in another room , nursing my baby, feeling alone and unsupported by family because they were all formula feeders and thought breastfeeding was gross. I received looks of shock and disgust by my own mother when I passed the one year mark of breastfeeding because she thought that one year should be the cut off point. I have read enough stranger's opinions on the internet to know that lots of people think it's gross and disgusting and that I'm nothing more then a cow for breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that some mothers have felt judged by breastfeeding moms but you have to realize that the judgment goes both ways. No matter what we choose to do as parents there will always be someone judging. FWIW, I've never seen anyone start a thread on CD bashing formula feeding moms but I've seen plenty started to bash breastfeeding moms. Neither is acceptable, imo.
It's sad you had to experience that. I can quite honestly say that in the years I breastfed my children I don't recall anyone making disparaging remarks.
What age are you talking about? My toddler can drink from a cup, should she be weaned? She can feed herself? Should I wean her?
I think the decision on when to wean is up to the mom and child only. When one or both decide it's time to stop then it's time to stop. I don't agree that anyone outside of the nursing relationship has the authority or all of the information available to say , "it's inappropriate and it's time to stop".
Define "toddler". Are you talking about a 1 year old or are you talking about a kid in Kindergarten? Some people (not saying *you*) don't seem to see the difference.
As a mom who chose to breastfeed, I was told by one of my in-laws, "don't ever do that in front of me, I don't want to see that". I spent a lot of time at family functions (in-laws) in another room , nursing my baby, feeling alone and unsupported by family because they were all formula feeders and thought breastfeeding was gross. I received looks of shock and disgust by my own mother when I passed the one year mark of breastfeeding because she thought that one year should be the cut off point. I have read enough stranger's opinions on the internet to know that lots of people think it's gross and disgusting and that I'm nothing more then a cow for breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that some mothers have felt judged by breastfeeding moms but you have to realize that the judgment goes both ways. No matter what we choose to do as parents there will always be someone judging. FWIW, I've never seen anyone start a thread on CD bashing formula feeding moms but I've seen plenty started to bash breastfeeding moms. Neither is acceptable, imo.
Exactly like I told the bottle feeding mom who was judged by breastfeeding moms, that is unfortunate and it should not have happened to you. Each and every parent is entitled to decide what works best for them, their children, and their families without being judged and put down, or made to feel like bad parents. It's wrong either way, whether it's bottle feeding moms shoving their choices in the faces of other mothers as THE only right choice, or breastfeeding moms doing it. There is no one right choice. My mother was the 5th of 8 children, and a twin, and my grandmother couldn't produce enough milk to feed the two of them. And this was pre formula days. She mixed Pet milk with water and fed them that. They lived. Every mother has different circumstances, opinions, and feelings. As long as her children are cared for, it's really no one else's business HOW they are cared for. Like my grandmother, you did the best you knew for YOUR child.
This is SO TRUE. Not all BF-ing moms are like this but when I was BFing my daughter, I was in a hot mess. My daughter was always cranky, didn't sleep like newborns are supposed to sleep, and witching hour felt like it was forever every-single-night. I went on KellyMom for BF-ing advice and I got so much judgement from some of the moms there. I couldn't decide if I wanted to supplement or not. I got bashed for even considering supplementing with formula. I finally broke down and did it b'c I just couldn't have my daughter nursing for an hour, have an hour break, and want to nurse again. Yes, she would nurse for an entire hour. Anyhow, I just couldn't handle it anymore but after I started supplementing, it was like night and day. I must not have had enough milk or something. Still had witching hour but that went away after 2 months, thankfully. Point is, I had never felt so much judgement in my life. It was very disheartening for me.
Loved your post. Really good points but this topic especially got my brain boiling!
I thought I had done all my research when I decided to bf my son. He was the same as your daughter. Would feed for a whole hour, sometimes longer. In the hopsital the lactation nurses said it should take 30-45min. But I didn't want to give up, as exhausted as I was! So I just toughed it out. After this phase passed, and he slept longer, I read that newborns use the breast like a pacifier. Even if they're not hungry, they want to suck for the comfort. They are able to control the flow of milk with their tongue. So even if they are at the breast sucking, may not necessarily be drinking milk. Wish I woul've learned that sooner. The whole time I was thinking something was wrong with my supply.
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