U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:00 PM
 
605 posts, read 1,833,900 times
Reputation: 448

Advertisements

I really despise my inlaws. Problems stemmed from my being of different religion from my husband, their son. They didn't want us to get married, etc., caused lots of heartache the weeks leading up to our wedding. Over the past 10 years, our relationship has been strained and basically disintegrated this summer when they blew up at me (extreme profanity) for no reason. My husband was present and can't figure out what happened.

From the very beginning, my mom told me that my mother in law would be a problem for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I don't want them near my kids, yet my husband doesn't want to keep our kids from their grandparents. I just don't think they deserve to be in our lives because of their behavior. I'm not saying not to talk to them again, but I would like to limit visits to twice a year or something. They aren't bad people, they are just inconsiderate, very one sided, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:14 PM
 
2,841 posts, read 4,165,389 times
Reputation: 6889
Your husband should stand up to his parents and tell them it is not acceptable to 'blow up' at you. They are his parents and when you married him - you got them too.

You will regret it if you keep your children from their grandparents. Your children deserve to know both grandparents (unless they are abusive, etc.).

I too married someone of a different religion and I did not get along with them either. They were condescending and manipulative (to me) but good grandparents. Looking back, I wish I had tried harder to include them for the sake of the children. Don't make my mistake.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, Pa
1,434 posts, read 1,549,608 times
Reputation: 1604
I think you all need to go to family therapy to work out your issues.

I think your husband needs to sit down and talk to them first.

It's not good to drag the kids in to the mess of something they didn't create.

I wouldn't keep them away from them as they still are there grandparents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,433 posts, read 41,976,963 times
Reputation: 83443
Do they live out of town?

If not, just have your husband take the kids to visit them every once in a while, or arrange to be out of the house if they come over. Unless they are spewing general hate speech, they should see the grandkids. You just don't have to participate.

If they were THAT resistant to you, they won't go to family therapy. Mainly they see you as the problem, so why would they go to therapy to fix something they don't see as broken? I doubt they feel any accountability for the problems in the relationship.

Not all families are picture-perfect. It happens.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:43 PM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,716,537 times
Reputation: 26200
You have to do what is best for your children. It is not good if they are running you down in the children's presence....Nor if they are abusive or use bad language. IMO Your husband needs to lay down the law regarding these issues....abuse is not acceptable...period, I meant lay down the law regarding verbalizing anything negative about you to the children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:47 PM
 
11,636 posts, read 20,462,325 times
Reputation: 12165
I do not think that the fact that you don't like your inlaws (and they don't like you) is enough of a reason to keep the kids from their grandparents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:54 PM
 
2,763 posts, read 4,702,825 times
Reputation: 2764
Why cant your husband take the kids to see them without you? Seems like that would solve some of the issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,124,215 times
Reputation: 32406
Do they do or say anything to your kids that would be damaging to them? If not, I wouldn't keep them apart. I have issues with my in-law's and I don't go out of my way to see them, but I don't purposely keep the kids away either.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 09:05 PM
 
Location: California
30,708 posts, read 33,513,041 times
Reputation: 26138
Quote:
basically disintegrated this summer when they blew up at me (extreme profanity) for no reason.
No reason really? Unless they are addicts or otherwise certifiable someone should maybe ask? Hearing one side is always so hard.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 09:10 PM
 
32,532 posts, read 30,697,051 times
Reputation: 32350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic78 View Post
I really despise my inlaws. Problems stemmed from my being of different religion from my husband, their son. They didn't want us to get married, etc., caused lots of heartache the weeks leading up to our wedding. Over the past 10 years, our relationship has been strained and basically disintegrated this summer when they blew up at me (extreme profanity) for no reason. My husband was present and can't figure out what happened.

From the very beginning, my mom told me that my mother in law would be a problem for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I don't want them near my kids, yet my husband doesn't want to keep our kids from their grandparents. I just don't think they deserve to be in our lives because of their behavior. I'm not saying not to talk to them again, but I would like to limit visits to twice a year or something. They aren't bad people, they are just inconsiderate, very one sided, etc.
Hmmm... Not one mention on whether or not your in-laws love your children or how they treat their grandchildren. I'm guessing they're normal, loving grandparents or you would have started by saying, "My inlaws hate my kids and it's breaking my heart." You started with, "I really despise my inlaws". (So this is about you. Not about them. Get it? They just have to love your kids. Not you.)

How many people do your kids have in their lives who love them? So many that they can afford to loose two?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:54 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top