U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-11-2012, 09:28 PM
 
639 posts, read 1,451,724 times
Reputation: 1308

Advertisements

She's 18 and she absolutely refuses to use birth control. She will use condoms but says she doesn't need anything else and that she wants to have kids within 5 years anyway. I have tried everything I can think of to convince her to go to the gynecologist. She doesn't want a pelvic exam so she refuses to go. (This mean she won't ever get a pap smear either). I tried explaining that pregnant women have to go to the OB/GYN many, MANY times during their pregnancy and get pelvic exams but she doesn't listen. She's an adult so she can do whatever she wants. Her teenage boyfriend has a 3 year old already. Every single person in his family is/was a teenage parent. I think she is starting to think it is normal to be a teenage parent.

She already went to the health department and got BC pills. They will give you 3 months worth without a pelvic exam (they require the exam after that). She couldn't remember to take pills so she gave them away to a friend who also didn't want an exam and had used up her 3 months' worth. (I don't understand why the teenage girls have no problem with getting "pelvic exams" from boys but are horrified at letting a female doctor look at them!)

Any suggestions? At this point I am about to give up and just hope that condoms work for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-11-2012, 09:30 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
Reputation: 8956
Will she get the shot or an IUD?

If not, just stock up on condoms and spermicidal gel.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 09:37 PM
 
639 posts, read 1,451,724 times
Reputation: 1308
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Will she get the shot or an IUD?

If not, just stock up on condoms and spermicidal gel.
I can't physically get her into a doctor's office. I think her problem is more with the doctor's visit and being examined by a doctor rather than the actual method of BC. The doctor I made an appt with (and now have to break and pay a fee ) would barely allow me to make an appt without telling them when her last period was. I don't know if that's normal for a gyn office or if they were being difficult. Asking when her last period was is something that should be done AT the appt.

Actually, the OB/GYN office made me pretty mad. When I tried to explain she was a teenager who was resistant to going, a scenario I'm sure they are familiar with, their response is that she is an adult who can do whatever she wants. The lady on the phone sounded like a teenager herself by saying that!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 09:50 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
Reputation: 8956
Ok. So what is her issue with getting a pelvic exam? Does she have phobias about going to doctors, in general, or just OB/GYN's? Will she accompany you to a therapy appointment to discuss her reluctance to perform as an adult and take charge of her body?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 10:15 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
Reputation: 33915
I would look for a doctor that would see her for an initial consultation, and hope that leads to her feeling comfortable enough to take the next step to get a pelvic exam. And I would tell her the risks of getting pregnant before making sure she is healthy enough to have a successful birth.

Medically and legally, she is an adult. Hopefully a self-supporting one?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 10:31 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,447,336 times
Reputation: 25990
Interesting. Doesn't she have any goals for education or travel? Employment? My teen hates small children. She thinks anyone who wants one is crazy. She has taken birth control pills since age 14...for her skin and to make her periods shorter and lighter. And to know when it will happen.

Have you discussed those benefits of the pill? Worst case...just tell her she has a choice...she has an appointment with a nurse practioner for an implant....or she needs to find a new place to live. Her choice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 10:47 PM
 
639 posts, read 1,451,724 times
Reputation: 1308
She is in school for cosmetology (hairdressing) while working as a cashier. But she also really wants to have kids, get married, be a mom, etc.

She already moved in with the boyfriend and his family a couple months ago (they don't speak English so I can't talk to them). She works but struggles to make her car payment, insurance payment, and buy food. She doesn't pay rent, and has a small cell phone bill. Boyfriend makes more money but has a kid to support already. It would be a terrible situation to give birth to a child in.

She has been to therapy before with no results of any kind, and it was incredibly expensive. I understand why she doesn't want a pelvic exam, that's natural. But it's something you have to put up with as part of being an adult and having sex. It's so much easier than the alternative. But I can't get through to her! I am making myself sick stressing about this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,317,990 times
Reputation: 9271
People have been having children for millions of years...Everyone is acting like this young woman is ill or something. One writer states that she should be tossed out of the house for not doing what others want...Use to be a parent would toss their daughter out for being pregnant, now it looks like they want to toss her out just in case she gets pregnant..Having babies is not a bad thing...She is an adult..maybe it is no ones business at this point?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 11:41 PM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,907,081 times
Reputation: 24725
Are you the mom? I'm sorry, you may just have to accept that she is going to have a hard life. The world is full of people who seem to seek out the hard road for some reason. I have a D who was like that at 18 but fortunately this particualar issue wasn't a problem. Maybe it will work out well, condoms work for many but only if they use them regularly and it doesn't sound like that's a priority for her. All I can say is to find ways to protect yourself and learn to seperate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-11-2012, 11:45 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 20,332,656 times
Reputation: 16136
As you know you cannot force her to do anything. As far as being afraid of a pelvic exam, I can understand, I felt the same way at her age. She needs to know that if she gets pregnant she will have to go to an OB/GYN and get an internal exam at least a few times when she is pregnant. Taking birth control pills and missing days is the worst thing to do. Many girls get pregnant when they skip their pills, even for 1 day. She would be better off to get an IUD or a shot or the under the skin thing. If she will not do any of this then she should at the least use a condom each time and get some spermacidal gel to use each time with the condom. If she does this and does it every time she has sex, that should work pretty well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top