Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I woould not get upset if DD is not invited to a birthday party because you can't invite everyone. I understand that. Coincidently, the other girls that DD invited were not in the same class as this neighbor girl.
I have however explained it to DD about if this girl would have a birthday party and DD is not invited, how would she feel? Her answer: I don't care.
Even 6yos can have opinions on friends and acquaintances. Sounds like she just doesn't like this kid that much. There is nothing "right" about making her invite someone she does not want to. If it were a matter fo inviting only some in the presence of others, that is another story.
Tough call. I think I would err on the side of what my kid wants in that case. I sort of get where your husband is coming from in terms of thinking it is "proper" to invite the neighbor. They are new to the town, the kids sometimes play together and unlike kids in her class, the neighbor is someone that will be right next door for a long time. Your husband may also be concerned over "insulting" the neighbors and causing tension and therefore his reasons have nothing to do with anything but his own concerns over "what the neighbors will think". I have to think that the latter is your husbands angle because, frankly, that's what I would be thinking about before my wife reminded me that just because we are neighbors it doesn't mean our kids need to be friends.
At this age your daughter is obviously old enough to have input on her party. You have made the case and she doesn't want the neighbor there. I think I would respect her wishes for her party. The worst would actually be inviting the neighbor only to have the other kids ignore/shun her. That one is much harder to explain then why you didn't invite her to the party.
I have however explained it to DD about if this girl would have a birthday party and DD is not invited, how would she feel? Her answer: I don't care.
Then there's your answer.
It's her party. I would trust my kid's instincts. Any associated guilt you or Dad may feel by not inviting the neighbor is resolved by the party being at another location.
Residential proximity does not guarantee friendship. It's a kid's birthday party, not a wedding.
We have been in situations that are similar. If it's one of the group who is being excluded because your daughter and her are having some differences then I would overrule daughter and invite the girl, but if this girl isn't friends with any of the others AND your daughter thinks she will be disruptive then take your dd's lead. Also remind your daughter that if she feels so strongly and consistently about not liking this girl then maybe you should stop the playdates. See how your daughter reacts. It will be telling.
This reminds me of the time that a coworker called my husband to find out what kind of cake to get for my birthday. He told her that I don't particularly like cake and that bagels might be better.
Tough call. I think I would err on the side of what my kid wants in that case. I sort of get where your husband is coming from in terms of thinking it is "proper" to invite the neighbor. They are new to the town, the kids sometimes play together and unlike kids in her class, the neighbor is someone that will be right next door for a long time. Your husband may also be concerned over "insulting" the neighbors and causing tension and therefore his reasons have nothing to do with anything but his own concerns over "what the neighbors will think". I have to think that the latter is your husbands angle because, frankly, that's what I would be thinking about before my wife reminded me that just because we are neighbors it doesn't mean our kids need to be friends.
At this age your daughter is obviously old enough to have input on her party. You have made the case and she doesn't want the neighbor there. I think I would respect her wishes for her party. The worst would actually be inviting the neighbor only to have the other kids ignore/shun her. That one is much harder to explain then why you didn't invite her to the party.
It very well be a valid reason. If the child suffers from ADD or ADHD and it is not being monitored or controlled or, for whatever reason is not otherwise in check, the child may have a habit of being rude, disrespectful or otherwise inappropriate.
We have a very similar problem in my apt. complex. There is a (when behaved) a delightful 8-year-old boy whose parents take or sell or otherwise choose not to medicate him, and he can change from an angel to a devil in a moment's notice. He cannot communicate with children; most don't want their children to be with him because his behavior is inappropriate. Adults can't stand to be with him because he's rude and obnoxious (as is his father) and doesn't respect other's property.
There is no RIGHT thing to do. If your daughter said, "NO" and she gave you the reason, drop it. If, for some reason the mother (or parent) questions you, explain your daughters' concerns.
Invite the neighbor. First, as you said "its the right thing to do". If you have told your child its the right thing to do, and then allow her to exclude this child, you are sending a strong, negative message about not having to do what is right if we do not want to.
Additionally, you have no idea if this will hurt the child, and potentially sour an otherwise positive relationship with the neighbors. People have had falling outs over less than a birthday party.
On a personal note, while I do value the opinions of children, the idea that their opinions are law at birthday parties is what gives rise to the "Super Sweet Sixteen" mentality. I would treat this as opportunity to teach kindness and inclusion instead of exclusion.
If your dd is adamant about not inviting this new neighbor friend and the party is at a different location, just tell your dd not to discuss the party at all with this girl and don't invite her.
What if she finds out? You know how kids are. I think it's cruel to leave a child on the side lines for any reason. My girlfriends daughter invited a special needs child to her birthday party and it was the first one she had ever been invited to. Kudos to my friend for raising such a thoughtful kind person. She's only 8.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
