U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-13-2019, 01:39 PM
 
3 posts, read 528 times
Reputation: 15

Advertisements

We have a daughter 13 at the time who yelled and screamed at the top of her lungs she was bisexual.

We said, great, you can be with whoever you want to be with ... no problem.

She posted it on Instagram, told all the family members .. no problem.


Then when she was 15 she changed her mind and only likes boys .. . ..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-13-2019, 04:11 PM
 
3,961 posts, read 7,562,380 times
Reputation: 3432
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-14-2019, 06:32 AM
 
11,813 posts, read 9,607,390 times
Reputation: 15376
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
If they are not capable of "declaring" it, it is because they do not feel comfortable with their acceptance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-14-2019, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Florida
5,042 posts, read 3,409,260 times
Reputation: 9823
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
So you didn't date or have an attraction to anyone until you were 18-19? I know that I started having crushes on boys when I was in middle school, probably age 11 or 12. All of my friends started around the same age, some even earlier.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-14-2019, 06:47 AM
 
Location: here
24,775 posts, read 29,522,223 times
Reputation: 32039
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
Oh yes they are. Sure some may take longer to realize it fully, and some may be in denial. Some may be a little more fluid. Others are quite sure of who they are. It is better for their mental health to be "out" and able to be comfortable with who they are. It is not up to them to stay closeted for your comfort.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-14-2019, 04:13 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,473 posts, read 8,672,591 times
Reputation: 10366
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
You never had crushes in middle school? Kids have a pretty damn good idea by this age.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-15-2019, 11:25 AM
 
287 posts, read 54,539 times
Reputation: 906
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
Nonsense. I knew I was straight long before I was 18.

I didn't think in terms of straight and gay because when I was an adolescent (the 1980s) in my small town, 'gay' wasn't really on the radar. But if I'd been able to put a word to what I was experiencing - at first, a sort of nebulous fondness for girls; later, an understanding of exactly what I wanted to go with girls - it would have been 'straight' (or 'heterosexual').

Today, we (as in society, widely, even in small towns) do understand that sexual orientation is far more extensive than just opposite-sex attraction. There certainly are some who do not figure it out until later, but the notion that no 13- or 14-year-olds, to say nothing of the later pre-18 teens, can know whether they're straight or gay or something else is beyond ludicrous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
You never had crushes in middle school? Kids have a pretty damn good idea by this age.
Yes. By sixth grade, there was something going on with me, even if I didn't know precisely what it was. My older son was 16 when he came out to my wife and I, and he had known for some time. And my wife had inklings for many years before that he might be gay.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-15-2019, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,519 posts, read 21,491,956 times
Reputation: 17856
[mod]reminder[/mod]


Keep in mind that Religion is off topic in this forum,many of those posts along with other off topic and bickering posts and responses have been deleted
__________________
Moderator of:
Non Romantic Relationships
Parenting, and sub-forums
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
7,775 posts, read 5,733,235 times
Reputation: 10730
Quote:
Originally Posted by loose cannon View Post
kids 13-14 are not capable of declaring what they are. You wait until 18 or 19.
I don't think that's true. That's when kids develop their first crushes and whatnot.

At that age, there might be some theatrics about it in the way of attention seeking behavior that aren't a reflection of their real feelings, but that's more about the individual kid than anything else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 03:20 PM
 
13,397 posts, read 13,069,705 times
Reputation: 38630
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexiana View Post
At 26, I finally told my mom I'm a lesbian. Her response, "I always knew."

All the anxiety, crying, depression, suicidal thoughts, and mental anguish that has plagued me for YEARS because I thought she wouldn't accept me, only to find out she always knew?

Would it have been so difficult to, during my extremely traumatic childhood, to just sit me down and say something to the effect of, "honey, I'll always love you no matter your sexual orientation, you have nothing to fear".

Those simple words would have alleviated a lot of suffering on my part. And yet, when I talk to other LGBT gay people, I hear this as a recurring theme. That mom and/or dad suspected but never said anything.

Why do parents do this to their children? Given how homophobic society is, if you can obviously tell your kid is gay, why would you make it that much harder on them by having them doubt your love?
I think accepting parents are reluctant to do anything to box their kid in. But they do the same thing by assuming heterosexuality and don't realize it (but it's logical since that's the greatest part of the population). Still, telling a kid you always knew they were gay is often kind of a copout. When the kid comes out, a parent often says they always knew because suddenly all the "clues" stand out more than the other nonclues.

Look, my male cousins have always been weirdly in touch with their feminine sides when they were small. But they're pretty close to the totally straight side of the Kinsey spectrum. We all laughed about it over the years, wondering whether they were straight or not, but we all were accepting of whatever their sexuality was. Heck, my gay friends were laughing at the pictures I'd show them and were just like "oh yeah, that kid's gay." If they had come out as gay, I guarantee you various relatives would be going "Oh I always knew" - and it would just be a case of hindsight being 20/20.

And my best friend went to her VERY liberal college with a guy who insisted he wanted to have a sex change to become a woman during his freshman year. His behaviors were over-the-top flamboyant. Most people assumed he was gay and couldn't accept that, so he thought he must be trans. Well, MAYBE he's just in denial but at the last reunion he was happily married to a woman and had a passel of kids. So what was that all about? I have no idea.

Honestly, I don't think parents should talk to their kids about gay or straight anymore, but rather just ask them to consider what opportunity set they're comfortable with and that they would enjoy when it comes to dating. Assuming heterosexuality is kind of just laziness. There is a vast spectrum for people to fall along. The conservatives love to talk about children being "confused," but I think that only happens when you tell them certain desires are ok and certain desires are bad. Beyond standards around age of consent and cosanguinity, there shouldn't be any default assumptions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top