U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-20-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Next stop Antarctica
1,799 posts, read 2,387,198 times
Reputation: 2059

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Being gay isn't just a sexual topic. It will determine who your child has relationships with, and where possible, who they could ultimately marry and make a member of your family.

Not to mention the issue of your grandchildren and how they'll come into being.

Not to mention, people do not become social pariahs or outcasts in certain circles for being straight.

It really has nothing at all to do with what they are doing in the privacy of their bedrooms.
Some excellent points, as you say it is nothing to do with sex, it effects everyone in the family and parents cannot just assume their child might be gay they just have to wait until the child wants them to know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-20-2012, 09:25 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,661,211 times
Reputation: 4278
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
I agree that parents usually wait until a kid brings a subject up before discussing it, mostly because kids are somewhat shy about such things and parents don't want to embarrass or distress their kids unnecessarily
However I don't think it should be all that difficult for parents to let their kids know that they are fine with different dating situations, interracial, homosexual, whatever. I simply told my kids that as long as their relationships were loving and respectful I didn't really care who they dated.
The best thing my mother ever did for me was tell me early and often that no matter who I dated or didn't date, no matter what gender I identified with, no matter how I dressed...I was still okay.

She didn't just tell me she'd love me no matter what. That would have been about her ability to continue to love despite such things. She told me that I was okay.

She was basically telling me that she already knew who I was as a person. The gender and sexuality- no matter what I decided on those lines, none of it would change who I fundamentally was. And she liked the person I was. If I someday decided I was a boy instead of a girl, or if I decided to date the same sex, she wouldn't just go on loving me because she gave birth to me. She would go on liking me, which to me is actually more meaningful because it isn't required.

I was the type of kid that you could tell young was going to be 'different'. For a long time I didn't have the language for it though, because for me it wasn't as easy as being straight vs. gay. But I never had a SECOND of doubt that when I knew myself, it would be safe to tell her.

And this is where I'm supposed to say I'm grateful and my mother is awesome and so accepting and yadda yadda yadda. And I AM grateful...but as I've said before, I shouldn't have to be. I just got what every kid deserves...a parent who doesn't confuse sexuality or gender identity for who their kid IS. Those things are part of me, yes, but they don't replace me.

When you don't talk to your children about sexuality, you ARE talking to them about sexuality. There is still a message being given, and that message is that it isn't safe to come to you. If you confuse talking about sexuality with CONFRONTING someone about sexuality, there's a message there as well. If the only time you plan to discuss it is after the child comes to you, it's already too late. By that point, your silence has already spoken volumes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2012, 10:27 PM
 
Location: AZ
741 posts, read 1,362,250 times
Reputation: 1457
I sat my kids down and told them at if they ever think that they may be gay or lesbian that I will still love them the same and to never be afraid if they are... They all laughed and were horrified but I just felt like I needed to let them know "just in case"..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2012, 11:32 PM
 
Location: You know... That place
1,899 posts, read 2,397,200 times
Reputation: 2056
I guess I am in the minority. My 7 YO knows that I don't care if she is gay or straight. She knows that when she is ready for it, it is ok to bring home a girlfriend or a boyfriend. We have talked about it several times and she knows without a doubt that it would NEVER change how much I love her.

I honestly thought everyone talked about these things. I have never had a sit down conversation with her about it. It is just something that pops up in conversation at times. I feel like it isn't worth a "sit down" because it isn't a big deal to me, so I don't want to make it a big deal to her. I feel like causal conversations about this and a LOT of other topics can be more effective than "sit downs" because they feel freer to talk because they don't feel like Mom is making a big deal about it so it must be ok to talk about.
That is just my opinion though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2012, 01:57 AM
 
Location: California
30,189 posts, read 32,805,246 times
Reputation: 25564
Hard to say. I've talked with both my kids over the years and it just came up that I asked them and they said no. It's true, they aren't gay, but if they were they would know I'm not going to go ballistic on them for telling me or anything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2012, 02:22 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 31,160,859 times
Reputation: 26050
I felt like my son's sexual orientation was not my business. Yes...he told the family when he was 21. Yes...we "knew". But...I don't go into the private lives of my adult children. No apologies here. He told us....and...maybe....I thought it was something he was experimenting with and would change his mind. I still think that....I don't judge him or not accept him or his partner.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2012, 03:07 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 59,816,243 times
Reputation: 22212
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuciaMomof6 View Post
I sat my kids down and told them at if they ever think that they may be gay or lesbian that I will still love them the same and to never be afraid if they are... They all laughed and were horrified but I just felt like I needed to let them know "just in case"..
Yeah, if I did that, mine would laugh and think I was just messing with them. They'd probably just turn it around and tell me either that it's okay with them if I need to tell them I'm gay or else the opposite, that they'd disown me but they wouldn't take a talk like that seriously.

Once when they were pretty little, I asked them if they needed to talk about their feelings or any problems and they found that hysterically funny.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2012, 10:50 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,071,990 times
Reputation: 2593
Parents remain silent because in truth they do not really know. It is better to wait than to place an incorrect classification.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2012, 12:05 PM
 
795 posts, read 1,176,411 times
Reputation: 728
Quote:
Originally Posted by cowdog View Post
I did not remain silent. My daughter knew from very young that I expected her to turn out as a nice wife for a man and give me a grandson just like God and I wanted.
poor kid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2012, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,981 posts, read 12,058,356 times
Reputation: 14789
Quote:
Originally Posted by cowdog View Post
I did not remain silent. My daughter knew from very young that I expected her to turn out as a nice wife for a man and give me a grandson just like God and I wanted.
Tell 1952 I said "Hi"!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top