Why do parents of gay children remain silent when they KNOW their kid is gay? (stepfather, teaching)
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At 26, I finally told my mom I'm a lesbian. Her response, "I always knew."
All the anxiety, crying, depression, suicidal thoughts, and mental anguish that has plagued me for YEARS because I thought she wouldn't accept me, only to find out she always knew?
Would it have been so difficult to, during my extremely traumatic childhood, to just sit me down and say something to the effect of, "honey, I'll always love you no matter your sexual orientation, you have nothing to fear".
Those simple words would have alleviated a lot of suffering on my part. And yet, when I talk to other LGBT gay people, I hear this as a recurring theme. That mom and/or dad suspected but never said anything.
Why do parents do this to their children? Given how homophobic society is, if you can obviously tell your kid is gay, why would you make it that much harder on them by having them doubt your love?
A mother normally knows her child and maybe she was waiting for you to trust her enough to tell her, so why did'nt you?
On the flip side, the first time I introduced my parents to a boyfriend in college my mother later remarked, "Oh I just assumed your were a lesbian or something." I was a bit wtf when she said it but I there's a lot worse things your mother could assume about you lol. Unless your mother gave you explicit reason to think she would disown you for being homosexual (nasty comments about or towards homosexuals, constant talk about your "future husband", etc) I'm not sure why you would assume announcing your sexual orientation would adversely affect your relationship with her.
No thread with "gay children" in the title is complete until you stop by.
Exactly. As long as wacko bible thumpers, who aren't even true Christians, are thumping their misinterpretation of schizophrenic scripture, I'll be there to call them on it.
I'm curious why the OP took it the way she did. Was there any reason she didn't take it as total acceptance?
Like....Wow! She already knew and she didn't disown me! She accepts me! She still loves me!." Instead the Mom gets the drama.
I'd like to know more about this "tramatic" childhood to make her feel this way. Why wait so long. OP you had to have know long before age 26.
The best we can do with our kids to to let know know we'll love them no matter what.
I had two male friends "come out" to me. And I said(with a shrug cuz I knew) "Ok". They both asked me..."Do you hate me now?" My response..."We you gay yesterday?" Answer: "Yes". Final word from me...Well I liked you yesterday when you were gay, why wouldn't I like you today?"
I did not remain silent. My daughter knew from very young that I expected her to turn out as a nice wife for a man and give me a grandson just like God and I wanted.
I can't think the last time I read something so backward.
A mother normally knows her child and maybe she was waiting for you to trust her enough to tell her, so why did'nt you?
Why is the onus on the child to step up? The child is the one dealing with the very real possibility of facing discrimination and even violence from society. The child is the one dealing with the reality that the life 'script' they've been handed as a toddler doesn't quite fit anymore. The child is the one facing a situation where 'trusting' the wrong person could turn their entire world upside down.
The child has enough on their plate. The absolute LEAST the parent can do is let them know they are there for them. Again, silence speaks.
My cousin refuses to speak to her stepson about this issue because 'she doesn't want to encourage him.' I think this may be true for many people, even if they can't admit it. By ignoring it they hope to make it all just go away....it should go without saying that it doesn't work like that.
In the end, no-one is a mind-reader, even tho some claim to be. If it is so important to you, you need to get to grips with the fact that you said nothing. Blaming and getting angry at someone else is a little rich. (I am presuming you are not mute). Plus her saying "I always knew" is more likely shorthand for "ahh my suspicions are confirmed" rather than "Yes I knew for sure".
When you want a pay raise you can't just sit there expecting your boss to get your drift by it diffusing through the air. You have to tell him/her.
Sounds like you want to indulge in blaming. Not much happiness down that road.
I did not remain silent. My daughter knew from very young that I expected her to turn out as a nice wife for a man and give me a grandson just like God and I wanted.
You and God must be over the moon. So nice to hear a happy ending for you two and your daughter.
BTW, what does he want for Christmas this year?
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