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Old 10-24-2012, 06:29 PM
 
12 posts, read 14,464 times
Reputation: 38

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my 22 year old daughter is going to prison for one year for fraud related charges. I told her I can't really feel any sympathy for her because she committed the crime and this is the punishment she was given. I never taught her to participate in illegal activities,And maybe it will be a good learning experience for her and toughen her up. Is this too harsh? Am I a bad person for saying this?


is there anything else I should tell her before she goes?

 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:35 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,353,340 times
Reputation: 22356
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3445 View Post
my 22 year old daughter is going to prison for one year for fraud related charges. I told her I can't really feel any sympathy for her because she committed the crime and this is the punishment. And maybe it will be a good learning experience for her and toughen her up. Is this too harsh? Am I a bad person for saying this?


is there anything else I should tell her before she goes?
I think you are absolutely correct in feeling what you are feeling. Hopefully, this will straighten her out.

I would just tell her that I love her and that when she gets out you will do everything you can to help her get her life back on track. But she has to prove that is what she wants to do.

A year isn't very long.

20yrsinBranson
 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:39 PM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,675,331 times
Reputation: 26200
Well, sending a person off to jail feeling like their own mother has turned against them is pretty harsh. I think it would be better if you treated her realistically, like you did regarding she did the crime, now she is gonna do the time...But, that you love and care about her. That you hope she will be safe, and when she comes home that she will try to never do anything criminal again. Don't send someone you love off to the terrible situations they'll face in a prison setting w/ no hope, love or caring from you. You may regret it deeply. Prison is very tough, you've seen the shows...My sister used to be a dietician at a prison. There are really scarey things that can happen...Don't send your daughter off w/ her defenses down even more because she thinks her mother has thrown her away. Even if you really feel that way...Don't do that you will regret it. Tell her you are there for here. Maybe you aren't the type, or don't have money to visit...but that you love her.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Maine
2,270 posts, read 5,740,862 times
Reputation: 2534
I agree that it is normal for you to not have much sympathy for her situation right now. Just make sure she knows that you are there for her, and be supportive of any positive change you see occurring.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Illinois
21 posts, read 81,679 times
Reputation: 22
Default Not about just you

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3445 View Post
my 22 year old daughter is going to prison for one year for fraud related charges. I told her I can't really feel any sympathy for her because she committed the crime and this is the punishment she was given. I never taught her to participate in illegal activities,And maybe it will be a good learning experience for her and toughen her up. Is this too harsh? Am I a bad person for saying this?


is there anything else I should tell her before she goes?
No your not a bad person, possibly a little naive. Going to prison over the age of 17 can ruin a person's life. I do not think it is productive to speak harsh or negative concerning the issue. Be there for her and encourage her to improve and take control of her life. It is not a matter of how you taught her at this stage, it's how she views herself and her life.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,945,414 times
Reputation: 5236
She has 3 hots and a cot, she will be fine and I agree with you.

IMO JanND is speaking from a codependent mindset.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Illinois
21 posts, read 81,679 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Well, sending a person off to jail feeling like their own mother has turned against them is pretty harsh. I think it would be better if you treated her realistically, like you did regarding she did the crime, now she is gonna do the time...But, that you love and care about her. That you hope she will be safe, and when she comes home that she will try to never do anything criminal again. Don't send someone you love off to the terrible situations they'll face in a prison setting w/ no hope, love or caring from you. You may regret it deeply. Prison is very tough, you've seen the shows...My sister used to be a dietician at a prison. There are really scarey things that can happen...Don't send your daughter off w/ her defenses down even more because she thinks her mother has thrown her away. Even if you really feel that way...Don't do that you will regret it. Tell her you are there for here. Maybe you aren't the type, or don't have money to visit...but that you love her.


Great response!
 
Old 10-24-2012, 07:40 PM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,675,331 times
Reputation: 26200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
She has 3 hots and a cot, she will be fine and I agree with you.

IMO JanND is speaking from a codependent mindset.
Only a co-dependent would think that. And, the OP is asking for your opinion. I am not.
You can dislike what a person has done, but that doesn't mean you can't show them that you love and care and intend to support them and their positive changes.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, Pa
1,434 posts, read 1,547,380 times
Reputation: 1604
You can't force yourself to have feelings. Maybe you've foreseen this along way before and knew something like this was going to happen.

She's only in there for a year. It should straighten her out.
 
Old 10-24-2012, 09:30 PM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,926,451 times
Reputation: 10919
Your lack of sympathy shows you have standards. Don't give them up now. Perhaps that'll teach your daughter something if jail doesn't.
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