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I recall a Jr. High teacher of mine, back in the early 60s, saying that profanity was an indication of a poor vocabulary. Now I will admit that I use profanity, but I still think he had a point.
I was taught the same thing, and I got to pass on that little pearl of wisdom tonight. A lot of our neighborhood kids play outside together. They are all older than DD(7), but she is right there along with them playing. Two of the girls directly across the street are closest to DD in age. They both started Middle School, which is 6th grade here, this year. One of the twins dropped the F-bomb a couple of times tonight and I heard a few s*** come out too. I think it was mostly to keep up with the older boys in the neighborhood and because she started Middle School. I pulled her aside and told her that I really don't appreciate her speaking that way around DD. It isn't that I never expect DD to hear those words, but I don't want her to hear them from an older friend that she looks up to. I then asked her if she wants to be a bad influence on DD. She said of course not. That was when I told her that using those kinds of words was an indication of a poor vocabulary. If she wants to be seen in that light, that was fine, but please don't do it around DD.
I then asked her why she was talking like that. She said that "everyone else in school talks like that". Then, knowing that she had told her mom several times that she looked up to me as another strong woman to aspire to be like, I asked her if she had EVER heard me use those words. When she said no, I asked her if she would think less of my strength as a woman if I did use those words. She thought for a minute and said "I think I would because a lot of your strength comes from your intelligence, and I would think you were less smart if you used those words." I let that sink in for a minute. Then I told her that she has a choice. She can either be just like all of the other kids in her school, or she can rise above and be seen as someone that they all want to be like. It is the same thing with boys and drugs and grades. You can either be just like everyone else (which is not very special), or you can choose to be the good influence that people admire for her strength in NOT being like everyone else. I know from experience because I was not like everyone else in school and years later had several people tell me that they really admired me for not giving in.
I am not saying that I never swear. If I am really stressed over life in general, am running late for work, and get cut off in traffic, you will hear a couple of bleep worthy words from me. However, those are always when I am alone. 99% of the time though the strongest words you will hear from me are "JIMINY CRICKET!" (Yes I do say that and it makes the kids giggle every time).
I can't help it. When I hear someone swearing a lot, it really does have an impact on how I view them. In my mind their IQ drops every time they drop an F-bomb. I know a lot of people who feel the same way and will try my hardest to keep my daughter from picking up the habit.
I then asked her why she was talking like that. She said that "everyone else in school talks like that". Then, knowing that she had told her mom several times that she looked up to me as another strong woman to aspire to be like, I asked her if she had EVER heard me use those words. When she said no, I asked her if she would think less of my strength as a woman if I did use those words. She thought for a minute and said "I think I would because a lot of your strength comes from your intelligence, and I would think you were less smart if you used those words." I let that sink in for a minute. Then I told her that she has a choice. She can either be just like all of the other kids in her school, or she can rise above and be seen as someone that they all want to be like. It is the same thing with boys and drugs and grades. You can either be just like everyone else (which is not very special), or you can choose to be the good influence that people admire for her strength in NOT being like everyone else. I know from experience because I was not like everyone else in school and years later had several people tell me that they really admired me for not giving in.
This is such a good way of explaining it. I'm definitely going to use this tactic the next time it comes up. I love that you let her realize how she could be a better person - it's really inspiring!
Yes it is normal. We do not allow it and our kids get a bit angry about all the cursing going on. However as they get older, some of them ended up doing it some too. Just not when they think we can hear them. Not all. Some just ignroe it when their friends do it, one stays away form others who curse like that or tell them to knock it off.
It may be normal; it may be common - but it certainly isn't pleasant or desirable behavior for anyone, certainly not for kids of this age. So - give them a dictionary and a thesaurus, and have them look up and list of synonyms for insulting words. Have them do the same for complimentary words. Ask them to use these words in sentences, and make sure they know how to pronounce them correctly. Then tell them you expect them to be polite and courteous and to behave like a young lady or young gentleman - but if they feel they have no alternative other than to engage in verbal sparring after more polite efforts fail, then to make use of their new and improved vocabulary rather than using blue language.
I think I'd rather hear a 6th grader call someone a "prodigiously incompetent nincompoop" (I'll let that last syllable slide) than have them call the same individual a @#$%^&*! If the object of their scorn mocks them for their vocabulary, tell them to just shrug their shoulders and tell the other person that they're sorry they don't understand long words, and offer to share the dictionary with them.
I don't approve of name-calling of any kind, but at least this tactic avoids the foul language and builds acceptable vocabulary!
My daughter just started middle school and has become friends with a bunch of boys in her class. She told me last night about how funny they were. She said they curse at each other so much, "but in a funny way". I said, "As long as they don't curse at you. You want to make sure they have boundaries." She said sometimes they jokingly call the girls *******. Is this the new generation? Is this typical? My daughter never ever curses and I don't think she will start, but I can't wrap my head around a boy ever jokingly cursing AT her. She said they mainly curse at each other. Thoughts? By the way, these are nice, bright, nerdy boys, not tough kids.
I don't know how "normal" it is or isn't, but it is not good at all. I would guess that the parents of these boys don't have a clue that their sons do thins and would not condone it. Your daughter may not cuss now, but I would be concerned as she grows older that she will. After hearing cussing all the time it desensitizes them and they do not think it is bad to say. If you hear someone call you a bi*** day after day, it won't take long before that word won't mean much to you, and you might more freely say the word yourself in passing. I have a daughter in the 5th grade and she has not seen this with her peers, but if she did, I would have a problem with that.
I don't see why people are so down on swearing/cursing, its not a bad thing, it has its place. But anyway, it is normal for 6th graders to swear as it states in this article '+windowtitle+' that swearing becomes adult-like by ages 11-12.
Personally I would encourage children that age to not swear too much as that lessens the pain relief effect of swearing.
According to the OP this is not swearing now and then, these boys swear a lot. I don't think that is really normal, or at least it shouldn't be. I wouldn't want my 10 yr. old hanging around kids that did that.
I think I'd rather hear a 6th grader call someone a "prodigiously incompetent nincompoop" (I'll let that last syllable slide) than have them call the same individual a @#$%^&*! If the object of their scorn mocks them for their vocabulary, tell them to just shrug their shoulders and tell the other person that they're sorry they don't understand long words, and offer to share the dictionary with them.
That was the kind of sixth grader my younger son was. I'm surprised he didn't get beat up over it, but he would retort with a verbal attack that just highlighted the other person's ignorance and then he'd follow up with "Oh, did I use too many big words? Do you need me to write down some definitions for you?" Thankfully he was never physically attacked; they usually just stomped off angrily.
Now, he is 15 and I am sure he cusses but not around his parents. He has a friend that will come over and they'll be playing video games when the friend will sometimes let something slip, and he'll give him the stink eye and say something like "Dude please, my mom is in the kitchen!!" He's never been threatened with punishment over it or anything.. but cussing in front of mom is just something you don't do, in his mind, ditto for in front of teacher's or friends parents, etc. I have no delusions about him always being squeaky clean with his language when he is with his friends.
My older son will, at 21, slip up and quickly try and correct it, it's the Mom thing again, because he is an adult and can say what he wants, but he still manages to control himself for the most part. It's kind of funny to watch him try and backtrack after he lets out an "Oh s&it!" and tries to turn it into "Oh dangit!"
I don't get too worked up about it because I can have a bit of a potty mouth myself, and they've heard it from me, so that would be hypocritical, but I can say with certainty that neither of my boys are the type to use gender-specific cuss words when referring to women or addressing them. Just not something that they'd do.
When I was 9 I moved from one town to another, several hours away, and had to start over with friends. The first day of school they assigned a girl in my neighborhood to be my "buddy" and help me get on the bus home and find my classroom and so forth and the first thing she did was quiz me about what cuss words I knew, and then she decided I didn't know enough and that she needed to teach me more! So I was "educated" by her -- she had five older brothers, vs. my one, and my big brother was the one to be livid about my new vocabulary!
It may sound silly, but I do restrict my foul language to home or the car. I cringe when I am out and hear someone slinging f-bombs, I was raise to believe that was one of the worst kinds of trashy behavior and you'll never catch me having a Jerry Springer moment in public. Maybe that is hypocritical but it's just how I feel about it.
I think some swearing is ok. But when it veers towards slurs of an ethnic or homophobic nature, absolutely not. Google Jim heck or Taylor flake son - sons of politicians who said some awful stuff on twitter, embarrassing themselves and their families. And prob putting a dent on futures, given what they said. Not normal or acceptable in my book
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