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My daughter just started middle school and has become friends with a bunch of boys in her class. She told me last night about how funny they were. She said they curse at each other so much, "but in a funny way". I said, "As long as they don't curse at you. You want to make sure they have boundaries." She said sometimes they jokingly call the girls *******. Is this the new generation? Is this typical? My daughter never ever curses and I don't think she will start, but I can't wrap my head around a boy ever jokingly cursing AT her. She said they mainly curse at each other. Thoughts? By the way, these are nice, bright, nerdy boys, not tough kids.
Entering the way back machine to when I was in sixth grade , a lot of kids used to swear a lot to each other, both boys and girls (and this was a Catholic school). I don't recall a lot of swearing AT each other, as much as throwing in swear words all over the place just to push the taboo a bit. I can't speak to sixth grade now, although my young teen clients seemed to be quite prolific in their vocabularies.
IMO, it is important at that stage to teach what language is appropriate or inappropriate under different circumstances (how you speak with your friends is different than how you speak to an adult, for example) and what you described - not allowing swearing/name-calling AT someone, as well as having a chat about your personal/family values about swearing. I'm going to struggle with this one as my kids get older, because to a certain extent, they are just words (and I certainly have had my mouth like a truck driver moments) but I also don't find kids swearing to be particularly charming.
Thanks, East... Funny you mentioned family values about cursing. My husband and daughter don't, but I do I don't curse at anyone, but I do curse on occasion. My big issue is that I want her to learn now that she should never tolerate boys being disrespectful towards her. It hasn't happened yet, but I worry. I want her to be one of those "I don't put up with crap" kind of girls. Funny about the rampant cursing in Catholic School!
Thanks, East... Funny you mentioned family values about cursing. My husband and daughter don't, but I do I don't curse at anyone, but I do curse on occasion. My big issue is that I want her to learn now that she should never tolerate boys being disrespectful towards her. It hasn't happened yet, but I worry. I want her to be one of those "I don't put up with crap" kind of girls. Funny about the rampant cursing in Catholic School!
Haha! Re: the school, I think it probably had a lot to do with the taboo - sixth grade is the right age to start testing those things. Re : swearing, it's funny, the second we found out we were pregnant, I made a conscious effort to change all of my curse words into child-friendly speech. Pretty much took the whole pregnancy. Now I sound like little Susie Sunshine whenever the kids are awake.
I totally get what you are saying about wanting her to not tolerate disrespect. Does she have a good sense of how to do that with things outside of swearing?
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 10-26-2012 at 02:07 PM..
In our family, I am the one who swears like a drunken sailor.
Me too- she said rather sheepishly. But the definition of cursing is so different now. "Holy crap" was a tag line on a sit com for years but I would have been slapped across the mouth if I said that growing up.
"pissed off" I used to consider cursing but even that is on TV all the time and I think people decide if it is allowed on TV is must not be too bad.
My 31 y.o. son drops the f bomb all the time. He isn't even aware of how much he uses it and probably doesn't even consider it cursing. Even Tom Hanks let that slip on GMA the other day. I'm not that bad but I do make a scatological reference quit frequently, mostly to myself when I drop something, cut myself, etc and I call the barking dogs a holes on occasion. Lately I mutter that into the phone with the dozens of robocalls i get during this election season.
My mouth will clean up considerably after the election!
I've heard plenty of 4th graders cursing from time to time on the playground (I used to volunteer at an elementary school). By 6th grade I would say the vast majority of children are swearing on the playground, regardless of their upbringing/background, especially if that is the year they hit middle school.
It depends partly on their personalities and partly on what they are taught at home and how rigorously that is enforced. I would opine that what OP is describing is rather common, but it is not inevitable if parents choose to enforce something different.
Personally I teach that there aren't really good and bad words, that every single word is good at some times and not at others, but that some really ought to be avoided most of the time.
My daughter just started middle school and has become friends with a bunch of boys in her class. She told me last night about how funny they were. She said they curse at each other so much, "but in a funny way". I said, "As long as they don't curse at you. You want to make sure they have boundaries." She said sometimes they jokingly call the girls *******. Is this the new generation? Is this typical? My daughter never ever curses and I don't think she will start, but I can't wrap my head around a boy ever jokingly cursing AT her. She said they mainly curse at each other. Thoughts? By the way, these are nice, bright, nerdy boys, not tough kids.
I'm surprised you consider this "new generation" stuff. Back in the early 60s, my brother and his friends talked like that in jr. high. Calling girls names like sl*t and the like was extremely common as well.
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, a lot of kids used to swear a lot to each other, both boys and girls (and this was a Catholic school). I don't recall a lot of swearing AT each other, as much as throwing in swear words all over the place just to push the taboo a bit. I can't speak to sixth grade now, although my young teen clients seemed to be quite prolific in their vocabularies.
I don't curse at anyone, but I do curse on occasion. My big issue is that I want her to learn now that she should never tolerate boys being disrespectful towards her. It hasn't happened yet, but I worry. I want her to be one of those "I don't put up with crap" kind of girls. Funny about the rampant cursing in Catholic School!
