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In our house, family rules are for the whole family. Absolutely no exceptions for the grownups. No hitting. That includes the adults. Spanking, to a child, is hitting. At least it always was to me. Young children do not see in shades of grey.
Because there aren't any? If I started calling turnips roast beef, they would not start tasting any better to me.
So, as punishment for hitting, the child was... hit? I have never, ever understood this logic, especially when it was employed by my parents. I was spanked (as were my siblings) when we hit each other. But I was very resentful that my parents were allowed to do to me what they were punishing me for doing to my sister or brother.
In our house, family rules are for the whole family. Absolutely no exceptions for the grownups. No hitting. That includes the adults. Spanking, to a child, is hitting. At least it always was to me. Young children do not see in shades of grey. When my daughter hits her younger sister, she has consequences. Those do not involve me hitting her back. By the way, she often laughs, too. She's a three year old! When she does, we have a conversation about it. I'd rather instill in her a sense of care and concern for others than simply spanking the attitude out of being obviously displayed. Don't forget, just because that little boy doesn't still laugh doesn't mean the spanking has changed his thoughts or heart. I'd rather help change the heart by developing an attitude of love for a sibling and learning different and better ways to display anger with each other.
And again, just to be clear, I was spanked when I was little. My parents were wonderful parents, and they still believe spanking is right. I do not. But I don't think my parents were lazy, abusive, or cruel. They absolutely loved us. They simply chose some discipline methods that I don't think worked at all, and I think are wrong to do to a child. Parents aren't perfect. Mine weren't, and I certainly don't think that I am. But I don't think it is necessary to insult and demean people who spank, even when I do think it's wrong.
You didn't read what I wrote. What this mother said was she had to spank him because he was laughing at the time-out, and running off. He got a time out for hitting his brother, but he is a more defiant child than some so all he was doing is giggling and getting up and running away.
The mother made it clear to him that he was spanked for running off when he was supposed to be in time-out. I was spanked as a child and have zero resentment of my parents. Again though - if you cannot tell the difference between a swat on a padded rear end and an out-and-out beating, you should not spank. Spanking should be done only by parents who are in control of themselves.
Because there aren't any? If I started calling turnips roast beef, they would not start tasting any better to me.
I have no idea what you are referring to with that. Many parents say spanking isn't hitting. However, it is simply a different word for taking a hand to someone. Some children, such as myself, saw spanking as hitting.
I don't get what a turnip and roast beef have to do with spanking...
I have no idea what you are referring to with that. Many parents say spanking isn't hitting. However, it is simply a different word for taking a hand to someone. Some children, such as myself, saw spanking as hitting.
I don't get what a turnip and roast beef have to do with spanking...
Yes, I am agreeing with you. The REASON children cannot see the gray are you mention is that there ISN'T one. Kids are not stupid. Roast beef has nothing to do with spanking. But as you say, changing the word for something does not change the nature of what it is.
You didn't read what I wrote. What this mother said was she had to spank him because he was laughing at the time-out, and running off. He got a time out for hitting his brother, but he is a more defiant child than some so all he was doing is giggling and getting up and running away.
The mother made it clear to him that he was spanked for running off when he was supposed to be in time-out. I was spanked as a child and have zero resentment of my parents. Again though - if you cannot tell the difference between a swat on a padded rear end and an out-and-out beating, you should not spank. Spanking should be done only by parents who are in control of themselves.
I did read what you wrote. And again, so for hitting his brother, he was hit. I do not see the logic in this at all. Repeated explanations from others won't make me see the logic. If he had gently hit his brother, would it have been ok? No. So a light swat on the bottom is still not ok to me.
I thought I made it clear that I do not in any way believe my parents abused me. Period. They did not beat me. I never, ever said that. My parents were "in control" as much as any other parent is who resorts to physical discipline.
You cannot know if a child will have resentment for the parents- my parents obviously didn't intend or want me to resent them, but I did. You not having resentment does not negate the distinct possibility that other children might and do, and no spanking technique can predict or change that. To me, that is one of the great risks of spanking. The parent cannot in any way determine or tell the child how they will feel about it. The child has their own feelings.
Yes, I am agreeing with you. The REASON children cannot see the gray are you mention is that there ISN'T one. Kids are not stupid. Roast beef has nothing to do with spanking. But as you say, changing the word for something does not change the nature of what it is.
I am so sorry. I feel silly now. I thought you were one of the posters in favor of spanking, so I couldn't make the connection between what you said and spanking being ok.
I did read what you wrote. And again, so for hitting his brother, he was hit. I do not see the logic in this at all. Repeated explanations from others won't make me see the logic. If he had gently hit his brother, would it have been ok? No. So a light swat on the bottom is still not ok to me.
I thought I made it clear that I do not in any way believe my parents abused me. Period. They did not beat me. I never, ever said that. My parents were "in control" as much as any other parent is who resorts to physical discipline.
You cannot know if a child will have resentment for the parents- my parents obviously didn't intend or want me to resent them, but I did. You not having resentment does not negate the distinct possibility that other children might and do, and no spanking technique can predict or change that. To me, that is one of the great risks of spanking. The parent cannot in any way determine or tell the child how they will feel about it. The child has their own feelings.
Wrong. She gave him a time-out for hitting his little brother.
He thought the time-out was a big joke and giggled and kept getting up and running away. The child knew why he was spanked -- he was spanked and told to sit down for his time-out. No roast beef or whatever about it.
And that was just her strategy -- some parents may have just started and ended with the swat on the rear end for smacking the baby.
And some kids are very docile - they won't hit the baby in the first place. And some might do that but are very submissive and sit still for a time-out.
Wrong. She gave him a time-out for hitting his little brother.
He thought the time-out was a big joke and giggled and kept getting up and running away. The child knew why he was spanked -- he was spanked and told to sit down for his time-out. No roast beef or whatever about it.
So he was hit for laughing. Ok.
The reason he was laughing is either he didn't understand the punishment, didn't understand what he did hurt his brother, couldn't empathize with his brother's pain, didn't want to listen to his mom.... for any of these reasons, a physical punishment still doesn't change the attitude or his behavior. He didn't learn anything other than he will sometimes be spanked when he upsets mom. What did that teach him that will help him develop better control over his actions and impulses, to have compassion for his sibling and for others, and to listen when people are talking to him?
I ask this because I struggle with these things myself when my daughter hits her baby sister and then laughs about it. I don't want the action alone to stop. I want her to see her baby sister as a person worthy of being treated with care and consideration. I want her to see that she can hurt people with her hands, and that is a powerful tool that we must learn to control. I want her to recognize that hurting someone is not how we should express feelings of anger or frustration.
Spanking accomplishes nothing but possibly stopping the behavior in the moment.
And that was just her strategy -- some parents may have just started and ended with the swat on the rear end for smacking the baby.
And some kids are very docile - they won't hit the baby in the first place. And some might do that but are very submissive and sit still for a time-out.
It all depends on what the child needs.
I wonder WHY the kid hit the baby? hmmmmm.
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I have never, ever understood this logic, especially when it was employed by my parents. I was spanked (as were my siblings) when we hit each other. But I was very resentful that my parents were allowed to do to me what they were punishing me for doing to my sister or brother.
