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Old 11-02-2012, 11:02 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,413,117 times
Reputation: 1975

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It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Instead of viewing everything as fatalistic try to think about it more optimistically. As long as your mom is not abusive towards your son you should let him stay with her while you get a stable job and apartment. That doesn't mean you can't stay there with them but that if you get upset and threaten to leave then you leave not your son. He needs some stability right now. The anger in him makes him say I hate you but what he hates is not you , it is being hauled around in an unstable environment. So I think let the boy stay with your mom where he knows what to expect (security/stability) and you can go if the arguing is too much to take. This is on you though. Your mom is trying to help and your perspective is probably inaccurate about her.
Send me a private message and I'll help you locate some resources for you and your son.
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Old 11-03-2012, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
3,644 posts, read 8,563,951 times
Reputation: 4505
Quote:
Originally Posted by operaphantom2003 View Post
Why can she not see that I have a family of my own now and its different then her and I being a family? When I say I have to take care of my family she thinks I am referring to her and not my son.

THIS!! You are correct that when you reference your family you are implying "you and your son". However, you state that you have a family to take care of but yet you live with your mother. If it's your mother's apartment it's your mother's rules. Period. Take care of your son but do it under the rules of your mother until you get your own place. It really sounds to me like you've forgotten that you have 2 ears and 1 mouth. I think you need to be listening to your mother twice as much as you talk to her.
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Old 11-04-2012, 04:03 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
I knew someone just like you who had very similar complaints and highly dramatic "solutions" to the daily challenges of mother/daughter relationships. She was incredibly easily offended while also needing approval desperately.

She was ultimately diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

We have not heard your mother's side of the story, but if life with her is so toxic, surely there is another friend or relative you can room with...Your son needs family and friends around him, not homeless people. Although moving to a shelter would certainly get EVERYONE'S attention, wouldn't it? Staying tough and trying to work out interpersonal problems with the person who is supporting you is just so...boring.
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Old 11-04-2012, 04:23 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
So what's "hell"? You fighting with your mother? Her being controlling? If that's hell half the country is kinda hot.

Wow. I'm stunned you would even consider taking your child to live in a homeless shelter unless it was absolutely necessary. (And absolutely necessary means you are on the streets, in danger, there's snow on the ground and your son has nothing to eat. Not hating living with Mom.)
I agree with this. Too bad there aren't some kind of group homes for single mothers where children could have a safe play area both indoors and out and constant supervision. And mothers who need therapy could have it, and also relief at times if they need it.

A homeless shelter with mixed gender often takes in transients who may have drug and alcohol problems and also a whole number of other problems. They aren't good places for families unless a family is desperate and has nothing else. At least the kids get a cot or bed and a meal. You certainly would never want to let them out of your sight in one of these places.

I think the homeless shelter here where I live tries to be run well and tries to keep it's residents safe. They serve dinner to women and families first and make sure that women and men sit apart unless they are a domestic unit. The street people come in after the residents have eaten - but even still there was a stabbing murder a few years ago. Mental illness is a factor -- even with those who might be trying to improve their circumstances.
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Old 11-04-2012, 04:33 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by breakingbad View Post
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Instead of viewing everything as fatalistic try to think about it more optimistically. As long as your mom is not abusive towards your son you should let him stay with her while you get a stable job and apartment. That doesn't mean you can't stay there with them but that if you get upset and threaten to leave then you leave not your son. He needs some stability right now. The anger in him makes him say I hate you but what he hates is not you , it is being hauled around in an unstable environment. So I think let the boy stay with your mom where he knows what to expect (security/stability) and you can go if the arguing is too much to take. This is on you though. Your mom is trying to help and your perspective is probably inaccurate about her.
Send me a private message and I'll help you locate some resources for you and your son.
I also agree with this. The little boy needs stability, he needs a place where he can have his toys and live as normally as possible. Moving him again and to a homeless shelter would be devastating for him.

It does seem like the mom is trying to help, she obviously cares about her grandson and doesn't want him living in a shelter. It can be hard to live with parents after adulthood but I think for the sake of the child, the OP needs to accept that while her mom might not be the perfect roommate, she's the best thing she's got for now. Sit down and talk with her, the OP is clearly depressed or something and she needs to get less stress in her life, not more. It seems with mom, there would be more freedom for the OP to look for jobs, and maybe mom realizes that sitting isolated in her room is not helping.
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Old 11-05-2012, 11:53 AM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 6,859,270 times
Reputation: 3193
With all of your degrees I would imagine that you could surely get a job as a nanny, babysitter, tutor, afterschool helper, preschool asst, cashier in a mall,a hostess in a restaurant, a receptionist at a small business etc. There has to be something that an educated, well-spoken women could do. Find anything so that you will feel better about yourself. You will also be spending less time at home with your mom. Stop looking for the perfect job and do anything. Do not go to a shelter.
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Old 11-05-2012, 11:56 AM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 6,859,270 times
Reputation: 3193
Here's a start: I went to Craig's List in SLC.

salt lake city all jobs classifieds - craigslist

There are always places like Target or Walmart that need help for the holidays. If you do well they will likely keep you on.
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Old 11-05-2012, 12:15 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,088,332 times
Reputation: 32578
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
The little boy needs stability, he needs a place where he can have his toys and live as normally as possible. Moving him again and to a homeless shelter would be devastating for him.
That's exactly right.
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Old 11-05-2012, 01:34 PM
 
4,267 posts, read 6,171,647 times
Reputation: 3579
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
With all of your degrees I would imagine that you could surely get a job as a nanny, babysitter, tutor, afterschool helper, preschool asst, cashier in a mall,a hostess in a restaurant, a receptionist at a small business etc. There has to be something that an educated, well-spoken women could do. Find anything so that you will feel better about yourself. You will also be spending less time at home with your mom. Stop looking for the perfect job and do anything. Do not go to a shelter.
I agree with this advice. Apply anywhere and everywhere. Starbucks, McDonald's, Macy's, Target, the local homeless shelter even. Dress nice, go in person. I feel like this advice might sound obvious but I have a friend in a similar situation and I was shocked when she asked if she should e-mail her resume or deliver it in person when applying to a coffee shop.
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Old 11-05-2012, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
1,248 posts, read 2,161,935 times
Reputation: 2534
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I knew someone just like you who had very similar complaints and highly dramatic "solutions" to the daily challenges of mother/daughter relationships. She was incredibly easily offended while also needing approval desperately.

She was ultimately diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

We have not heard your mother's side of the story, but if life with her is so toxic, surely there is another friend or relative you can room with...Your son needs family and friends around him, not homeless people. Although moving to a shelter would certainly get EVERYONE'S attention, wouldn't it? Staying tough and trying to work out interpersonal problems with the person who is supporting you is just so...boring.

I completely agree with this post. Being familiar with all of OP's past posts there seems to be a definite pattern.
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