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Maybe it would be better if you had a relationship with his 2nd wife and her children, but not worried about him? You would still get to have extra family without the pain and heartache of him?
If you do go.... take your husband or brother or something and have something else planned to do down there. Make the stop in with your father a secondary reason to be there. Show up with NO EXPECTATIONS, gauge his reaction and then let it be.
You are obviously a good person without him...... be careful of the possible poison.
schapman,
I am in a similar boat. It has been 15 years since I saw my father last.... I was 19. Before that, it was 5 or so years since we'd had contact. My father lives 100 miles from where I'm sitting. I have recently found my half sister on Myspace. I've known where he was this whole time..... the same small town I spent my first 10 years in. I haven't worked up the nerve to contact him. The last time I saw him.... He'd called me out of the blue.... from a strip club. I was all WOW!!! My daddy wants to see me!!! He does love me!!! All the dreams a girl has of her father wrapped into teenage excitement. I realized sitting there.... talking to him.... what a small man my father is. How nothing is his fault and that he may love me.... he can't be the father I dream(ed) of. About five years later he called me.... asked where I'd been.... I was in the same home, with the same phone number as I was the last time he'd shown up at my doorstep. I asked him at that time the hard questions.... why.... how could you..... what did I do.... all those insecurities. His response.... I needed to calm down.... that he just wanted to say hello since he was in town at the VA... then he hung up. Wracked with guilt, I drove to the VA..... he hadn't been there in months.... no record of him having an appointment that day, that week, that month.
As for your situation.... can you hire a private investigator before you buy that ticket?
Be prepared..... you state you have no expectations. I know that is how you feel now. Be prepared.... no matter how you feel today, when you stand face to face with this man you will walk away with more questions than answers. You will feel sad, angry and disappointed. Even if he gives you any answers to your questions, it will not erase your hurt. You know if you are ready to see him and you know why the need is there. I cannot tell you to just let it go..... I can't let it go either. No matter that he abandoned you, he is your father.... without him you wouldn't even exist. I know how you feel and people whose fathers care will never know the deep urge or the draw you have to have these questions answered.
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