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Everyone seems to think im overprotective of my soon to be 2 year old son. I disagree. Just because I won't leave my son with certain people or take him everywhere I go dosen't make me over protective does it? Most of the reason why is because I know everyone is not going to treat him the way I do. I still rock him to sleep, he sleeps with me, and I even wake up through the nite and check on him. But its only out of concern and love. My dad says im "spoiling" him and I have to let him grow up and be a little boy. I don't run to his rescue everytime he falls like I used too. I even let him cry now when he dosen't get something he wants. His dad says I have turned him into a mama's boy. I used to tag along with him and his dad on their guy time. I don't do that anymore. My mom passed when I was 14 and I just want to spend as much time with my son as possible because I know tomorrow is not promised. I know he won't remember any of this by the time he grows up but if something was to happen to me everyone will be able to tell him " I never let him out my sight for too long" and he will know how much I loved him. Is this selfish of me? Maybe so. Overnight stays are just not what im feeling right now. Maybe when he gets older and can tell me everyting that went on but until then no. What are your thoughts on the matter?
All sounds normal to me. I still haven't left my son with anyone except family, and he's almost 4. And he still sleeps in the bed, and I do wake up and check on him. Don't worry, you can't turn him into a mama's boy. If you could, I'd have done it by now, and mine isn't one. Lately he actually doesn't want me around and prefers to play with other boys. I'm glad I got in the time I did.
My condolences to you on your loss, but you seem to be overcompensating and somehow creating a scenario where you are super-close with him in anticipation of you dying and that is not healthy.
I think you need to do some more grieving on your own loss and realize your son is not you and you are not your parent who died.
To each their own on parenting strategies. We never shared a family bed but I did spend time with my kids until they fell asleep. It seems like you've made adjustments along the way and that is great. As your son gets older though, make sure that you make even more adjustments and you will be fine.
I understand your feeling of loss. I've had that in my life for a long time and can understand where you are coming from. As to overnight stays, my daughter didn't have her first sleep over until last year at the age of 11. Dont fret about it and do what you think is best. Sounds like you are a great mom!!
He is independent on somethings. He can go to sleep on his own its kust y choice to rock him some nights. He won't let me feed him and he knows how to use a spoon. He even came to me today and had me follow him to the bathroom and sit him on the potty. And I haven't began potty training at all. He's developing just fine. Thats why I really don't see what the issue is.
Some of what you are doing is selfish. Children can tell when their parents love them. You do not have to prove to the rest of the world how much you love your son.
^^^ This is exactly right. You are doing things that you think are good for YOU, but they are not necessarily good for your son.
You are very close to smothering him, emotionally. You've made some good steps to let him have daddy time etc. but you need to take some more. He certainly is WAY past the age when he should be feeding himself. And he is just the right age for potty training. Encourage his independence.
Step 1: He needs to sleep in his own bed.
Step 2: Don't live each moment as if you may die once you're out of your child's sight. Yes, you should appreciate the time with your son, but make his world a positive place, not a negative, fearful place.
Children make their parents grow up. It's a process for you as well as for him.
My son is five and still sleeps in bed with me. I have never hired a babysitter, or daycare provider. When he cries I go to him and take care of his needs. He is very kind to other children and adults. He had trouble adjusting when going to kindergarten but can now read all his sight words and write to 100...nurturing works....
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job taking care of him! Good for you!
When you hire domestic help in Vietnam, often you don't know it but you are hiring the entire family -- they make taking care of you the family business -- and tend to move in as many of the relatives as you will tolerate.
When I first came here I hired a guy to be my translator and driver and to deal with things like landlords and telephone service and of course the local policeman. Well, he has a good job now (doing this for me), so he gets married, and brings his new wife in to be my cook. (I didn't think I needed one, but it has worked out well and she is good).
Now they have a three-month old girl, and here is where the problems have begun. I have never seen so protective a couple. They will not even let me babysit for them when they want to do something together. They keep the baby in their bedroom with a mosquito net (there is no need -- no mosquitoes in my house), they take it to the doctor at least once a week, they never let it be alone (where one of them is not in the room) for even a moment (which can be a problem if one is watching it and I need him for something). I offered to buy an electronic alarm system, but they will not hear of depending on something like that.
It seems entirely excessive. Of course now no harm is being done, but I worry about the future. I have talked at length with other Vietnamese, and they agree with me.
I also suffered a loss when I was young and dealt with some of the same issues you are dealing with now. My kids are much older now so I can probably offer you some perspective.
Co-sleeping in and of itself is not going to damage your son in any way. Believe it or not, he will eventually sleep in his own bed. However, you need to be able to raise him by doing what is best for him, not what makes you less anxious. I think your lines are getting crossed a bit from the anxiety that something may happen to you. You really should see a therapist. My time in therapy gave me so much freedom from fear. And fear can get out of control if you don't deal with it. Mine started like yours, being over-protective of my kids, not letting them sleep over at Grandma's, not wanting to ever have them away from me. But throw in some added life stress and I became over come with frequent panic attacks which turned into agorophobia. Every bit of it stemmed from my fear of dying and leaving my kids orphans.
Now I'm am free. I choose every day not to be afraid, but to trust G-d with whatever happens to me and my children. I make decisions by determining what experiences would be good for them, not by how anxious it makes me feel.
J
ust because I won't leave my son with certain people or
take him everywhere
Most of the reason why is because I know everyone is not going to treat him the way I do.
I still rock him to sleep,
he sleeps with me, and I even wake up through the nite and check on him.
My mom passed when I was 14
I just want to spend as much time with my son as possible because I know tomorrow is not promised.
What you are describing is not about him. It is about you.
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