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Well you are now in the world of Pre teen S . you have some good ideal her,You and Mom are going to have to stay on top ,Keep up with things as where and how long they are gone or doing, Shy or not she need girl friens to hang with, Check in to who she with at school .Church would have been the best place if you
go ,if not now the time lot of church have great small to large youth groupfun things you do not have to be a member etc just ask around ( I been a youth leader 15 yr ) We had had many come just to hang out eat,play game really a good place to make friends, But you do need to know hwo she with and what kind of home they come from ,If this is neb hood kids you should know most of this now, watch the school time this is the time many think about sliping away (yes I worked in middle school for a while)Yes you trust her you raised here good and she know the fact BUT The other may not have the same values,issue,home life etc( we always had the group in our family room type home !) Raised 2 daughter !Keep UP with all the New stuff _I Phone-texting-social stuff KNOW ALL PASWAOD let her know you are watching and make a believer that you really are, Holding Hands is cute but if you have a gut feeling act on it , I Have worke with 15 yr MOMS that cam form good normal home and they told me they never though it would happen, They grew up watching teen moms etc, so Keep open eys/Open ears/spend time weekly with her and have mom do so, Dad it get harder as they grown < 12-18 are very hard years !! Been their done that !!
I'm sorry, but I think some of you have your heads buried in the sand. Holding hands can mean a lot or mean nothing but a crush. Just realize that these days a LOT of 12 year olds are having sex.
If you can't talk about birth control with your kids, and offer it when they want to use it, then have someone else talk to them that they won't be embarrassed to talk with. Go talk to the school nurse if need be so SHE can talk to them.
You can and SHOULD tell them that you don't agree to them having sex at all, but if and when it ever MIGHT happen, you want them prepared. Talking to them about birth control isn't encouraging them to have sex, it is just facing reality IMO.
I am middle aged (a baby boomer) and I remember even WAY back when I was 12, a few girls my age were already having sex. I am not saying that I did, I didn't. I was raised with good standards and a good dose of fear in never having to go home to tell my mother I was pregnant. My mother was old school and I just never wanted to disapoint her. My friend's parents were old school too, but that didn't stop them when it came to them having sex when they were young teenagers. I hung with them, and they tried to tell me how "great" it was, and blah blah blah, but I stuck to my standards and to this day I'm glad I did. One ended up getting pregnant at 16 and gave the baby away for adoption.
So I'm saying to all of you parents with teens or pre-teens, don't bury your head in the sand, and never say never.
One more thing... if you think you can watch a 12 year old 24/7, you're sadly mistaken unless you lock them into the house and take them to and from school. They will figure out a place to have sex, even if you think they are at the mall with friends, at the library, or spending the night at a girlfriend's house. If they are good at being sneaky, you won't know what they are doing at ALL times. I know that by experience even way back then. I might not have had sex, but I wasn't an angel either lol.
As everyone else has said, communication is the key IF you can keep the lines open. Some teens get to a certain age and don't/won't talk or spend any time with their parents, no matter how much you try.
Keeping them busy with sports or some other activity is another way to help monitor them.
Last edited by gouligann; 01-08-2013 at 10:11 AM..
Update: I had a talk with her last night, apparently they go to the library together too and according to her they are "into" the same things. From the conversation we had I got a good feeling about her head being on straight and I am going to take the approach to trust her to make the right calls. I think my wife was right, this seems innocent enough. I will monitor the situation closely though.
That's what I was going to suggest. Nothing like a little communication. You also have to keep an eye on her without her feeling like you're watching her every move.
When my 14-year-old had her first boyfriend, I emailed one of her teachers who is a good friend and said, "DD is 'going out with' J; please let me know if you see anything I should be aware of." I also talked to her about the behavior we expected. They broke up a month later.
My wife thinks it is cute and innocent but wanted to see what other folks think. Daughter has neighborhood kid she hangs out with a lot, I saw them yesterday holding hands while walking down the street and dont know what to make of it. I think holding hands could lead to other things and that scares me and not sure how to address. On one hand, if I make a big deal of it I could alienate her but if I say nothing then what if something else happens. Ugh. So confused!
Talk to your daughter about the birds and the bees, now is the time to try to build trust where your daughter is comfortable coming and talking to you about anything. Talk to her about boys, talk to her about your experiences. These days little elementary school children are engaging in sexual activity so start talking now.
I'm sorry, but I think some of you have your heads buried in the sand. Holding hands can mean a lot or mean nothing but a crush. Just realize that these days a LOT of 12 year olds are having sex.
If you can't talk about birth control with your kids, and offer it when they want to use it, then have someone else talk to them that they won't be embarrassed to talk with. Go talk to the school nurse if need be so SHE can talk to them.
You can and SHOULD tell them that you don't agree to them having sex at all, but if and when it ever MIGHT happen, you want them prepared. Talking to them about birth control isn't encouraging them to have sex, it is just facing reality IMO.
I am middle aged (a baby boomer) and I remember even WAY back when I was 12, a few girls my age were already having sex. I am not saying that I did, I didn't. I was raised with good standards and a good dose of fear in never having to go home to tell my mother I was pregnant. My mother was old school and I just never wanted to disapoint her. My friend's parents were old school too, but that didn't stop them when it came to them having sex when they were young teenagers. I hung with them, and they tried to tell me how "great" it was, and blah blah blah, but I stuck to my standards and to this day I'm glad I did. One ended up getting pregnant at 16 and gave the baby away for adoption.
So I'm saying to all of you parents with teens or pre-teens, don't bury your head in the sand, and never say never.
One more thing... if you think you can watch a 12 year old 24/7, you're sadly mistaken unless you lock them into the house and take them to and from school. They will figure out a place to have sex, even if you think they are at the mall with friends, at the library, or spending the night at a girlfriend's house. If they are good at being sneaky, you won't know what they are doing at ALL times. I know that by experience even way back then. I might not have had sex, but I wasn't an angel either lol.
As everyone else has said, communication is the key IF you can keep the lines open. Some teens get to a certain age and don't/won't talk or spend any time with their parents, no matter how much you try.
Keeping them busy with sports or some other activity is another way to help monitor them.
I really don't think a lot of 12yos are having sex. Some, but not a lot.
Talk to your daughter about the birds and the bees, now is the time to try to build trust where your daughter is comfortable coming and talking to you about anything. Talk to her about boys, talk to her about your experiences. These days little elementary school children are engaging in sexual activity so start talking now.
Oh man, if this parent hasn't had many talks about the birds and bees, now is a lot too late. It should be re enforcement of talks which should have started at 5 or 6. Early talks should include bodily functions, hygiene, respect for your body, good manners, proper social interaction with the opposite sex, respect for boundaries and personal space. "birds and bees" talks should not just be about sex and should be ongoing from a very early age.
During a talk about signs of puberty with my 10 year old girls over Christmas break somehow we ended up talking about wet dreams. One girl had already heard that term at school. We tend to forget these young kids have older siblings and often are exposed to much more than we realize.
I'm sorry, but I think some of you have your heads buried in the sand. Holding hands can mean a lot or mean nothing but a crush. Just realize that these days a LOT of 12 year olds are having sex.
A lot of 12 year olds are not having sex. Only 13% of American teens have sex prior to age 15. Average age of first intercourse is 17.
You can and SHOULD tell them that you don't agree to them having sex at all, but if and when it ever MIGHT happen, you want them prepared. Talking to them about birth control isn't encouraging them to have sex, it is just facing reality IMO.
Sorry but no. Everyone eventually has sex. Do you really think that telling kids they should never have sex makes any sense at all? Most parents don't want their kids having sex at a young age, but do you really NEVER want your kids to have sex? I want my kids to have normal, healthy sex lives and to enjoy sex. Not at 12 but eventually.
Teaching them about birth control is preparing them to have sex. Birth control absolutely prepares kids to have sex and still have control over when and if they are going to reproduce. This is information that kids need so that they are prepared to have sex.
If teenagers are going to have sex, then they are going to have sex. Filling oneself with paranoia about every display of trust and affection that they show each other is not going to help anyone and is likely to either put yourself in an early grave from all the stress - or is going to transfer some of your own complexes to them by teaching them there is something wrong with affection and intimacy.
Sorry but no. Everyone eventually has sex. Do you really think that telling kids they should never have sex makes any sense at all? Most parents don't want their kids having sex at a young age, but do you really NEVER want your kids to have sex? I want my kids to have normal, healthy sex lives and to enjoy sex. Not at 12 but eventually.
Teaching them about birth control is preparing them to have sex. Birth control absolutely prepares kids to have sex and still have control over when and if they are going to reproduce. This is information that kids need so that they are prepared to have sex.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to have a normal life and to not think that intimacy is a bad thing...just not at 12. If she was 15 or 16 I wouldn't have a problem with her having sex as long as she is being safe. I am realistic, kids are going to do it regardless but 12 is wayyyy too young IMO
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communication is the key
