Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There are ways to correct a child's behavior without shaming them.
Good grief, no one is being shamed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Also, calling the act of lying in bed to read "effeminate" not-so-inadvertently insults your female children, immediately lowering their status in the family and society.
Flexible, certainly, but not too comfortable. We're preparing them for a world that isn't too comfortable, after all.
IMO, if you want to really prepare them for the world you send them to a real school (unless you have extenuating circumstances). And this whole "it's effeminate to see a boy lying in bed" is just so wrong. If you don't want the kids in bed, then it should apply to all of them, not those who are of a certain age or a certain gender.
Well said. I can tell that you must run a well organized home school and household. We're probably not quite in that league, to be honest. Here's a fun little meme my kids discovered:
LOL! You would think so, wouldn't you. The truth is I love the teachings of Charlotte Mason. When I read her writings, she says everything I have always thought about education. I wish I was just like her.
But really, my children are different personalities as well. Two of them are very much like me and like order. The other two are just like their Dad and are more free spirits and hard to pin down to ritual and habit. I have no idea how my husband made it through the military. He never does anything in the same way twice. Too boring for him. It drives me bananas! But it also helps me to be easier on my kids that are his personality type. However, this type of person doesn't "train" very well. But they are the future authors of the world so we have to be patient with them. We all know how artsy people can be. I do try to teach them to have good habits, but it doesn't really stick with them.
And for the record, I agree with the other posters about the femininity issues. If my husband were to lay in bed and work (which he doesn't because then I would come in and start chattering and he couldn't get anything done) I would find it rather sexy. Definitely not effeminate. Although I wouldn't like it if he were under the covers. Not because it's effeminate, but because it looks undisciplined and I find self-discipline attractive and lack of discipline equally unattractive for men as for women.
"IMO, if you want to really prepare them for the world you send them to a real school (unless you have extenuating circumstances)."
I'm sorry, but your opinion is obviously not an educated one. Homeschooling is actually an individualized education and it is vastly superior to traditional schooling. We home schooled until last year when all of my kids went to a private school. We moved when my husband took another job at the beginning of this year and they are again enrolled in a different (very expensive) private school.
My children are much better learners than their peers. They actively pursue learning because they are fascinated by and interested in the world. This is not the same as the other children in their classes who are driven by grades and passing the test. And this grades centered approach just beats the creativity out of kids. They eventually get sick of the dangled carrot and jumping through hoops. They're human beings, not puppies.
My children study at home just because there are so many things they want to learn. Schools just can't give this type of drive to a child. As a matter of fact, I hate them being in school (and the kids really dislike it), but due to family circumstances right now, it's a necessity. I share my experience because I have seen it both ways.
Before you give your opinion on what type of education is best for kids, you should educate yourself on the subject. Here is a start:
I apologize if this post is offensive to anyone. I recognize that not everyone has the ability to home school. We certainly don't right now. And we have to be supportive of the decisions we make. My kids would not do well if I didn't help them realize some of the benefits of their school situation or if they heard me constantly bashing their school. I know it can be better for them, but I'm okay with the limits in my life right now.
Calling something your male children do "effeminate" is insulting to your female children because it implies that you perceive women negatively. I know you view women as a substandard class, based on your posts, so I won't even go there with you. And I understand that you want your male children to be masculine and female children to be feminine. Understandable.
But by lying in bed to read, your male child was seeking comfort, not trying to be "girly." Indicating in the pejorative that his choice is counter to his very gender identity is absolutely, undeniably shaming him.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-20-2013 at 06:22 AM..
Reason: Typo
My husband, who is a very artistic man, sometimes has mannerisms that appear effeminate to me. He is a former US Marine with a large, muscular build, so generally speaking, not feminine. But as I said, he is very artistic and sometimes he does this thing with his hands that looks feminine to me. Is it shaming him to tell him this? I have told him and he has tried not to do it anymore. He's also not personally offended by my comments.
I'm not saying I agree with WP. I don't think lying on a bed is feminine. But, I also think there may be some cases when it is okay to tell a male child that what they are doing might be perceived as effeminate. And I know that my sons (I have three) would appreciate being told. I wouldn't do it in a public email that his siblings also read. I think this may be what is understood as shaming him. Generally speaking, censure should be done privately because it DOES cause embarrassment to the child. I think there are times that embarrassment is a good parenting tool but usually only when you have tried other avenues to correct the behavior and nothing else works.
Calling something your male children do "effeminate" is insulting to your female children because it implies that you perceive women negatively.
No, it doesn't. It implies only that female traits are incongruous with masculinity, and masculine traits incongruous with femininity. I'm not a hardliner on this - we all have a mix of each - but people function best when they have a preponderance of traits congruent with their individual sex. Are some of these traits culturally conditioned? Of course. I believe in cultural conditioning.
On what basis is sitting on a bed while studying a feminine trait? How did you come up with this determination? I'd be interested in an example of a similarly "masculine" trait that bothered you enough to both forbid and publcly call out a daughter from doing.
But as I said, he is very artistic and sometimes he does this thing with his hands that looks feminine to me. Is it shaming him to tell him this? I have told him and he has tried not to do it anymore.
Yikes! Sounds controlling to be honest.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
