My 8 year old daughter is being picked on at school (stepfather, support)

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Ozark Nana

My suggestion is to follow the Principals desire to go into mediation the first round....I would ask that the school counselor be present as well as they often are more "in the trenches" than the Principals are. Tell your daughter that sometimes talking about something with someone that's bothering you is a good thing, it helps them see how your feelings have been hurt and how they might feel if someone did this to them. As a parent of the "bully in question" I would like to be brought into this and learn about my child through mediation rather than when things really got out of control.

No one likes their child to be bullied, it is very, very traumatic......but your daughter needs also to know that there are "solutions and ways" to deal with this other than just fear. It will make her stronger and help her have a sense of control over the situation. Many times being bullied is having NO control and that is not a good place to be.

Give her a hug from Ozark Nana! I've been there with this same issue with my youngest son....

O.Nana

I would also ask that the parents be present for this...and the issue be discussed in an adult manner. I would also ask to have a police officer present, not of pressure, but so that the conversation, does not get overheated, b/c I don't believe the counselor or the principle, represent authority figures anymore in the world...but a police officer might...and I would simply talk to the police to have it on record. Just make certain, that you don't want to press charges, you just want the police present so that the entire event will be in a controled mature manner....otherwise, to me, the meditation feels like it is a punishment for your daughter and she did not do anything wrong....and if the parents are not present, will make the situnation, worse. Parents need to know that they're kids are not little darlings...and when they bully, they need to be punished and threatened that if they do it again, there will be consequenses to pay.

this situation makes me want to cry...I have always been so shocked when kids bully other kids...and I believe every school should have a bully program where they teach kids this is so wrong...and I also believe that every school should have survellance cameras....so that when something like this happens to your daughter, the school can show the film to the parents of the children who are doing the bullying...what a shock for them to actually see it on tape. This whole thing makes me really angry at the parents....parents will not acknowledge that their kids have problems...kids are angry today, b/c parents are not home for them...it's more important to have the big house and the big car and all those inground pools and such.

My thoughts will be with you....

Hugs
Creme

[Ozark Nana]

Problem with trying to get the Police involved is that this happened on school grounds. Most Police departments will NOT become involved if this is the case, they refer you to your Principle or the local School Board. These parents can request that the children NOT be present at the first mediation meeting, just the parents getting together and talking this out. Many times that is all it takes to stop this action. I do not agree with bringing the kids together the first time. It just causes undo stress on the victim. The daughter needs to know that Mom and Dad are going to talk to x's Mom and Dad and then told the results of that meeting. If x's Mom and Dad don't get a handle on the situation and it continues then by all means get the kids face to face and have them talk about not only how your daughter feels when she is tormented, but have the other kid talk about WHY they are doing this. Maybe the bully is being bullied by someone and THIS is why they are picking on someone else, it empowers them.

There are 100 reasons why kids bully, and believe it or not, most of them have to do with them being victims or being in situations where THEY are not in control......you know what "rolls downhill"......

Again, I wish you the best with your daughter, you have gotten some really good advice from many parents here that sound like they have been down this road before....let us know what happens.

Ozark Nana

[irishmom]

Sorry to hear your daughter is having such a problem. I think the mediation is a good idea. As uncomfortable as it may be for your daughter to face her bullies it's something she needs to do and I'd rather see it happen under controlled circumstances rather than another incident during school. Tell your daughter that the bullies will also be uncomfortable because they will need to face what they did, which was wrong and be held accountable for it. The principal is doing the right thing addressing it quickly...the incident you described was quite violent, not just name calling, and requires swift intervention to prevent something worse from occurring. Givr your daughter a big hug from me!

[I love the Bears]

You said that this happened in the after school care and that woman told you she would be more of a target? that strikes me wrong - i am assuming that you are paying and they need to WATCH the children - otherwise why not send her home by herself!
The children need to be dealt with and I think that the mediation is a great idea - but what about holding the adults in charge responsible....

[I love the Bears]

How's it going?
How is your daughter doing?

[Hoosier]

Things have calmed down. I have waited a week to talk to the principal to see if he has talked to the parents yet. My wife is going to school tomorrow so I'll ask her to ask him. I will let you know!!

[autimom4ever]

You all are better people then me...

I was picked on here and there as a child.

I swore my child would NEVER endure this type of torture.

One time... Just once... my oldest was picked on.... I confronted her parents...face to face.... I showed my butt... Needless to say, it never happened again...

[I love the Bears]

You showed them your butt as in you flashed them your butt????

[Hoosier]

Originally Posted by autimom4ever

You all are better people then me...

I was picked on here and there as a child.

I swore my child would NEVER endure this type of torture.

One time... Just once... my oldest was picked on.... I confronted her parents...face to face.... I showed my butt... Needless to say, it never happened again...

Oh, I'm no better. I'm ready to tell the parents off. If the principal hasn't talked to them I told him I will. He got the idea that it would be better for him to talk to them. I was picked on mercilessly growing up. I would not stand up for myself because I was too scared. I will not allow my kids to go through what I did. I want them to stand up for themselves. Now of course I stand up for myself...wish I could go back and change that!! But guess it's made me who I am today, a strong person. Now don't mess with me or I'm gonna smack yah!!

[I love the Bears]

amen brother man!!!