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I know exactly what personality type my daughter is attracted to. We are using this time (early teens) to help her learn how to find a good spouse.
You know exactly her type? And you are helping her learn about picking spouses when she's an early teen? I am aghast at this. Practically speechless. I'm sorry if I've misunderstood your point, but what you wrote above is very disturbing to me, especially given her age. But I would feel the same if she was 30.
I was going to say that I don't think this would work in the US because we don't have a strong culture and values system. Unfortunately, Hedgehog Mom's parenting experience is typical. Parents don't really know their children and don't understand what their needs are.
I know exactly what personality type my daughter is attracted to. We are using this time (early teens) to help her learn how to find a good spouse. We are fortunate that most of our extended family provides lots of examples of who not to marry. Both my parents have been married 3x. My husbands parents, while still married, have never gotten along. It has been good for her to see the results of choosing the wrong spouse on both sides.
LOL! Your parents have each been married multiple times and you blame their choice of partner. The LCD there is your parents! Maybe THEY are the one you ought to hold up as someone not to marry.
I certainly don't think my parents' "wisdom and maturity" would have done me very well. Why assume that all parents have such? How well did they choose or do in marriage?
Remember, when more marriages were arranged, as many have pointed out, women had few if any rights and options. Men had few sexual options except for paying for it (which they do in spades in such societies).
I think arranged marriages might work better anywhere where marriage is considered to be part of a community (not a cult) but a community, a village, a religious group, etc.
Frankly, if people would just not have kids until they were mature, the question of marrying well would ease up a lot.
The OP is pretty ignorant. His view is reminiscent of the neocon evangelical Bible Belt view of other faiths which is inaccurate and demeaning. Contrary to the OP's view, other "pagan" cultures don't force marriages on their children. The individuals do have a choice and they meet several individuals prior to agreeing to marrying one another. It's really no different than families from the same churches getting their children together through church and their community. The only difference is in the Eastern cultures, they are more honest about it and call it arranged whereas in this country, they are in denial and act like their kids just spontaneously met.
Arranged marriages have been so successful that western nations are copying the process through websites and dating services. That's all they are. It's just a glorified arranged marriage machine. People are arranging their own relationships and marriages through websites like Match and eHarmony. They are copying the East's philosophy by trying to match characteristics to ensure a more practical and honest relationship. The current system is broke and immature. Choosing to marry someone because you were physically attracted to them at one point and just asked them out is pretty weak if you think about it and it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high. Now people are trying to find a good "match" by prearranging educational backgrounds, religion, political views, family background etc prior to dating. It's more honest and practical and leads to more successful relationships.
Last edited by azriverfan.; 01-26-2013 at 12:05 PM..
He was explaining that in the Christian tradition, both spouses had to give their consent to the marriage, which is obviously not the case in the Muslim and some other traditions where the arrangement is imposed.
Where did you get your information because it's wrong. In other cultures their children have to consent as well. The parents may choose potential spouses but the children have to consent otherwise they keep looking. It's obvious you are applying a neocon view to demonize other cultures. And in this country, many Christian marriages were imposed as well so let's not pretend this is limited to the east. This was particularly true in the Southern United States.
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I think arranged marriages work out -- in many countries but they will never get off the ground in the USA. It's not our culture.
Wrong again, our culture is already doing that with websites and professional matchmaking services. People are tired of trying to meet random people who they have nothing in common with. Now, they are using Match, eHarmony and professional matchmakers who "arrange" relationships based on a lot of factors. Like with everything else, it's showing Western countries are continuing to embrace more ideas from the East.
Where did you get your information because it's wrong. In other cultures their children have to consent as well. The parents may choose potential spouses but the children have to consent otherwise they keep looking. It's obvious you are applying a neocon view to demonize other cultures. And in this country, many Christian marriages were imposed as well so let's not pretend this is limited to the east. This was particularly true in the Southern United States.
But surely you are aware of the horror of "child brides". There is a fine line between arranged marriages and forced marriages.
Most parents do not have their head in the sand concerning these things. They were, at one time, dating, hormonal teenagers themselves.
But millions of people get married without the "carnage" referred to by the OP. To use that particular justification for arranged marriages seems more than a little extreme to me. And odd.
There's a BIG difference between helping your child make good decisions and wanting to control them so much they enter into a marriage you arranged because you think the world is full of this carnage. There is also the point where parents actually trust their child when they are out on dates. Perhaps people like the OP don't trust the children they raised?
Never mind the fact that the perspective bride and groom can get in a quickie or two or ten before the marriage. Unless the parent is planning on making sure everyone remains a virgin until the wedding night. Which puts a new spin on the word controlling. And is, IMHO, more than a little creepy.
Yes, plenty of people get married without teen pregnancy and VD, but the divorce rate in the US is approaching 70%! We all like to think that divorce is better for the children because the parents aren't arguing anymore, but all the research shows the contrary. it is horrible for the children.
I don't think it's about trust. I trust my kids to make really good decisions. I know they will because, generally speaking, they have good heads on their shoulders and they want to do what is right. However, when talking about sex, I think it is unfair to ask a young couple to spend hours alone together and NOT have sex!
Why is waiting until marriage to have sex creepy? Really? Something so intimate SHOULD be shared with multiple partners? I really don't understand. DewDrop, are you married?
Yes, plenty of people get married without teen pregnancy and VD, but the divorce rate in the US is approaching 70%! We all like to think that divorce is better for the children because the parents aren't arguing anymore, but all the research shows the contrary. it is horrible for the children.
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