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I've been working full-time the entire time I've been a parent (and before then), oftentimes with obvious and subtle inconveniences and collisions at the nexus where work meets life. Years ago, I thought the stressors and conflicts would diminish as my children grew older; however, even now that they are in school, the conflicts seem increasingly irreconcilable. I have invested a considerable amount of time, energy and effort into my professional life. I enjoy the actual work that I do and the actual place where I do it. If I have the fortune of maintaining my professional path in a more flexible and 21st-century attuned company, I would likely not be at the point where I am now.
I am seriously thinking about leaving it behind because the conflicts seem to be increasing, even as my children get older. With illnesses, surgeries, generalized immediate and extended family issues and parents who are getting older and want to enjoy their retirement as much as possible, it seems more and more unsustainable to work full-time in this manner.
I have proposed reasonable flex work options to my employer, including telecommuting mixed with in-office face time, but I have been told on multiple occassions that our company "is not ready for it," though similar and much more progressive practices are already in place at very similarly positioned companies. I am up against traditionalism and an old guard whose wives have never worked and have a limited idea and limited empathy for what I am up against.
Our company has seen many women (mothers) leave for reasons just like this. Indeed, because our company has no official policy on flexible options, some managers allow certain members of their teams to work from home or assume alternative schedules "under the radar," so there is no universal, equitable approach in this direction at all.
Our company has agreed to consider a "study" of work-life options that could take up to 18 months to complete, with no guarantees of implementation or approval at its conclusion. I just don't think I can wait on that anymore.
Our family has needed my income; without it, we will likely be able to just make our bills and save only a couple hundred a month on my husband's income alone. I do feel that I would be able to take on some freelance/consulting work; plus, I plan to pursue becoming a certified personal trainer (a long-time passion of mine through which I could more flexibly tap into alternative streams of income generation).
After many discussions over the years, my husband is now on board. He sees how this is not working for our family and just makes for a a more stressful, less enjoyable life for us all. But going ahead with it would largely be an immense leap of faith.
How many of you have faced this issue? What did you ultimately decide to do? Any regrets, either way?
I work for a company that allows me to work from home (I have the day off today ). I'm not sure what percentage of our staff are home-based, but I know it's substantial. We have staff all over the place, so we have a lot of online management and meetings. I worked for the same boss for three or four years before he was laid off, and I met him in person twice. My new boss is in other state; we talk on the phone maybe twice a week. Some companies are just more "virtual" and probably more flexible because of it. However, I did work from the office for two years or so while my youngest was still in daycare and preschool, and I transitioned to a home-based position over a few years. It helped save a lot in daycare cost, and their flexibility with my time is worth the pay hit.
I don't know how common it is to start a job where you work from home off the bat.
I haven't worked since I was pregnant with my youngest child. I had a high risk pregnancy and had to stop working during it. While I was home, my husband noticed how much better we ate and how much more sleep he got, and suggested I stay home after our baby was born.
We don't have a lot of money...we cover the bills and mortgage, and we're lucky if we have a couple of hundred dollars a month to save toward our next crisis. You have to ask yourself what you'll actually be giving up...can you manage without new cars, vacations, or other non-essentials?
In some ways, not working does save money...you don't use as much gasoline, don't have to buy work clothes, don't have to buy lunch every day, don't have to chip in for the monthly birthdays, etc.
Hautemomma, my heart goes out to you. I know how tough things can be and what you describe happened to me.
After I retired from the Army, I went to work for a defense contractor. I wasn't crazy about taking the job but a job offer fell on my lap and I accepted. We were also in the midst of an international adoption. My first year in the job (minus kids), things went really well and I could do no wrong. I could travel, work longer hours, and have flexibility to be wherever I needed to be at a moment's notice.
When our adoption came through, I took 3 months off and returned to work. Boy, was I in for a shock. Kids got sick all the time, I got sick after going many years illness free--my poor immune system wasn't accustomed to these kids and it was really bad. Cold, ear infections, flu---you name it. I got it. Of course kids were sick all the time requiring me to work from home. I swear, the moment I got on a conference call at home, one of the kids would act up. I would hear my male counterparts make some sympathetic comment but gradually, I found them starting to write me off. It was subtle at first but as time went on, it gradually got worse. The company wasn't flexible at all about working at home. Yes, you could do it but it was more of an exception than the norm.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I was dreadfully sick with something and HAD to go into work because of some top executives who were visiting the office. I attended a meeting and was almost swaying in my seat and falling asleep because I was so ill. I was dressed in a conservative business suit but must of looked BAD. I explained that I was very ill. A few days later, I got a call from my boss in California who told me that the executives were uncomfortable with my business attire and appearance. I was without words. When asking for clarification, the executive who made the comment "couldn't remember exactly." I was so upset by the whole incident, the growing feeling that I was juggling so many balls and dropping them that my husband and I have our first serious discussion about me quitting my job. I was miserable, he was miserable, the kids were stressed being dropped off at daycare early in the morning and picked up around 5:30 in the evening. I lasted a year and put in my resignation. Best thing that I did. Ironically, the office sat empty for a year and then some bozo came in who was able to work from home 3 days a week. He used this time to become a lawyer and ultimately left the company. I feel nothing but comtempt for this company.
I think that pursuing opportunities that are more flexible is the way to go and sounds like you are on the right track. Life is too short to be miserable. Some days I really miss work. I've worked most of my life and I may look into a job down the road---nothing to do with the military or defense contractors though. Deciding to quit that job was the best thing I could have done.
...because our company has no official policy on flexible options, some managers allow certain members of their teams to work from home or assume alternative schedules "under the radar,"...
They once conducted an experiment at a company. They told every employee in the company to follow company rules "by the book", NO exceptions - and this was just for one day for the experiment...
All work came to a screeching halt! Nothing could get done. Upon further investigation, many employees were bending or ignoring inflexible rules so they could get their work done. It turned out bending the rules was necessary for the company to function!
Too bad modern management has not learned lessons like these from the past.
Note: I have designed computer systems in my past. The first thing I learned is to NOT talk to management (much) about designing the system. Rather spend MANY hours with the people who will use that system 8 hours a day. These are the people who know how to do their jobs and what will work best! (NOT management!)
Anyway your company does not need an 18 month "study". You, the other women, and your managers already know the answers - if someone would just ask them!
18 month study? Why not let you try it your way and see how it goes. There is not way to "study" this without actually putting it into action and seeing the results. Honestly, if you are at the point where leaving you job is a real option you have nothing to loose by just going ahead with your plan despite what management says. It's like the old saying, "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission"..haha. Just slowley start doing what you want. Usually when the results are good management doesn't really care how it's being acheived. They may even feel releif that they don't have to study (ie: think about and put effort into) the whole thing. What's the worst thing that can happen? You've already got one foot out the door! It beats the alternative of giving them an ultimatium because they will probably react by trying to save face, even if it means loosing a valuable employee.
I quit my job when my youngest was born, I agree that life is much easier that way. I currently do what I want on the job becasue I work alone on the weekends making sure our customers are satisfied. Sure, I know the official stand about what is and isn't allowed but since it's just me there I figure I'm in charge and will do whatever the heck I want to make everyone happy. No complaints but plenty of praise, management really doesn't care about the rules if the result makes them look good. It's all a game.
hhhhmmmm... Well, I haven't exactly been in your shoes, but I have been a full time working mom, a 1/2 time working mom, and a SAHM. I have found that there are different types of flexibility. I assume you accumulate PTO or vacation? Are you allowed to take it whenever? I have also found that it is much harder to start a new job as a mom, than to keep working the same job as a mom. I feel like I could go on and on, but I don't want to without more info. What, exactly is the issue? Do they frown on you taking time off with a sick kid? IME, if you have been at the same place for a long time, and accrue a decent amount of vacation time, the occasional illness shouldn't be a big deal. It is the every day conflicts like getting your kids to practice, that might require some real flexibility.
My wife worked full time with our first, then want back after the second pregnancy, then moved to working nights, then moved to part time, then quit. All of these options are hard and have drawbacks, but our life did get better when she left work. I left all the decisions up to her on whether she worked or not. She now has a small home based business that she started, which makes VERY little money, but she seems to enjoy it.
As an assistant VP for a medium-sized firm, AND A MOTHER OF TWO, I can tell you that it is NOT the responsibility of your employer to make your life easier. It is, however, your responsibility to do your job to the best of your abilities, as best any other employee with your job title would do. That means: get your butt into the office every day just like everyone else.
I can't tell you how many non-parents I have had come into my office and complain about all the perks and concessions and flex-time parents get, simply because they decided to procreate, while they (the non-parents) get none because they decided not to have children. And they are right.
I did not work when my children were young. The minute I went back to work I hired people to shuttle them around, and I am paying for that now (my kids feel like they were abandoned, un-loved, etc.).
The truth of the matter is that feminism is a lie, and you CAN'T have a successful career and children all at the same time. You have to put aside work, or put aside the kids, but you can't give equal 100% to both at the same time.
There are the mothers who run companies and have a staff "helping with the kids" (i.e., parenting them), and then there are the mothers who stay home and parent. Very very rarely do you see a high-powered professional mother stay home with a sick kid every other week, or leave work early every day to shuttle a kid to karate. If they do that long enough, they won't get promoted (please see comments above from Linmora).
You can try and find a more "flexible" job, but with "flexibility" comes less respect, less power, less money. And remember that for every perk or concession you get, your employer has to most likely offer it to everyone else or suffer legal consequences etc. Many employers are shying away from flextime because it can put them at risk of litigation (flextime is VERY OFTEN discriminatory).
Like I said, the "you can have it all" feminism is a lie.
And might I remind everyone that in this economy:
THOSE OF US WITH JOBS ARE VERY VERY LUCKY TO HAVE THEM.
Last edited by planedition; 02-10-2013 at 06:11 PM..
As an assistant VP for a medium-sized firm, AND A MOTHER OF TWO, I can tell you that it is NOT the responsibility of your employer to make your life easier. It is, however, your responsibility to do your job to the best of your abilities, as best any other employee with your job title would do. That means: get your butt into the office every day just like everyone else.
I can't tell you how many non-parents I have had come into my office and complain about all the perks and concessions and flex-time parents get, simply because they decided to procreate, while they (the non-parents) get none because they decided not to have children. And they are right.
I did not work when my children were young. The minute I went back to work I hired people to shuttle them around, and I am paying for that now (my kids feel like they were abandoned, un-loved, etc.).
The truth of the matter is that feminism is a lie, and you CAN'T have a successful career and children all at the same time. You have to put aside work, or put aside the kids, but you can't give equal 100% to both at the same time.
There are the mothers who run companies and have a staff "helping with the kids" (i.e., parenting them), and then there are the mothers who stay home and parent. Very very rarely do you see a high-powered professional mother stay home with a sick kid every other week, or leave work early every day to shuttle a kid to karate. If they do that long enough, they won't get promoted (please see comments above from Linmora).
You can try and find a more "flexible" job, but with "flexibility" comes less respect, less power, less money. And remember that for every perk or concession you get, your employer has to most likely offer it to everyone else or suffer legal consequences etc. Many employers are shying away from flextime because it can put them at risk of litigation (flextime is VERY OFTEN discriminatory).
Like I said, the "you can have it all" feminism is a lie.
And might I remind everyone that in this economy:
THOSE OF US WITH JOBS ARE VERY VERY LUCKY TO HAVE THEM.
With all due respect, you have the wrong attitude. In this new age of dual income earners needed just to scrape by, lots of younger people with families have no choice but to both work. As long as the job gets done, who cares about what hours someone works. You get much more from employees when you DONT rule with an iron fist. Flexibility will retain talent and foster new ideas. Dictatorship will result in miserable employees just working for a paycheck. If you want your company to stagnate, especially with Generation Y entering the workplace, you have to get rid of the 1950s thinking. The future of your company will depend on it.
As far as the comment that you should be lucky to have a job, give me a break. Another wrong attitude to have. You can make drones miserable and they will still say "Well, at least I have a job". My attitude is, if you are unhappy with your employer then quit. I left a very good company after 12 years because they took away flex-time (and other benefits). Sorry, quality of life is more important than a job. I rather be poor and happy than well paid and miserable. I feel sorry for anyone who works a job they hate just for the sake of being employed.
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). I'm not sure what percentage of our staff are home-based, but I know it's substantial. We have staff all over the place, so we have a lot of online management and meetings. I worked for the same boss for three or four years before he was laid off, and I met him in person twice. My new boss is in other state; we talk on the phone maybe twice a week. Some companies are just more "virtual" and probably more flexible because of it. However, I did work from the office for two years or so while my youngest was still in daycare and preschool, and I transitioned to a home-based position over a few years. It helped save a lot in daycare cost, and their flexibility with my time is worth the pay hit.
