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Let me give a bit of a background on my 2 year old's sleep issues.
Since he was a baby we would rock him/ walk with him in our arms to put him to sleep (I realize this was a rookie mistake). This continued off and on until today.
At 6 months, we tried the Pantley No Cry Sleep Solution, which didn't seem to work and then did the Ferber Method, which worked well, but we actually put him to sleep as usual (again, another mistake) and the Ferber Method ended up keeping him asleep.
From this time to about 14 months old, he would take 30-60 minutes to fall asleep (sometimes in arms sometimes lying next to mom or dad) and usually wake up between 3-5, at which time, I would go to his room and bring him to our bed to fall back asleep. We realized this was a bad idea and so on to the next idea!
After that, he has slept on a full sized mattress on the floor. We thought he kept bumping into his crib and then waking up (he moves a lot in his sleep). This meant that when he woke up at night (between 3 & 5), I would go to his room and sleep with him. Not ideal, but not a big deal at all.
Now, he takes 45-90 minutes to actually fall asleep, cries when we don't rock/ walk around with him and when he wakes at at 5, he again cries unless we pick him up/ rock him.
My question is how can I get him to go to sleep on his own? What can I do? I don't mind putting him to sleep (provided it's a 30-45 minute exercise) although I know that I'm just delaying teaching him the skill of going to sleep. Are there any books/ experts/ advice that you suggest?
Current schedule: He wakes up at 5-5:30, I walk with him/ rock him until 6:30. He naps from 11:30-1 to 1:30 and starts bedtime at 7:45 (actually falls asleep at 8:45-9:15).
My advice would be to start bedtime later. Even if you keep doing what you are doing now, he will learn to fall asleep on his own eventually. As for getting him down, you could start by laying with him rather then rocking/walking him while he falls asleep. After he gets used to you laying with him, you can try and get up and tell him, I'll be right back and then come back, increase the time between intervals as he gets used to you coming and going. I think that his sleep sounds pretty normal for his age and you haven't done anything wrong by getting him down this way.
I also think maybe the bedtime is too early? My dauhter gets up around 5am also (so she can see Dad before he leaves for work). She's about 50-50 on taking a nap. I make sure she gets a good 45 mins of "exercise" a day (park time, classes, dancing, etc). We start moving towards bedtime around 7 with "snack" (usu yougurt), bath & pj's and then snuggle/books. Lights out by 7:45.
Does he have a "lovie" of some sort? My daughter picks out a animal/toy to sleep with - it seems like it really helped her fall asleep if had something other than me to snuggle!
I'm also guilty of holding/laying next to her til she sleeps - she's our "only" and I'm all to aware that "babies don't keep"
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
I agree with the other posters: bedtime should be later. Our daughter is two and her bedtime is 9. She won't sleep before that. And she sleeps until 8 am!
Her evening routine is dinner (with us), playing with us until about 8:30, brush teeth, go read books with us in her room, put on clean diaper and jammies and off to bed.
I don't think moving a lot during his sleep is an explanation, because my daughter moves a lot but is still in her crib and has no issues.
Does you son have loveys, toys that soothe him at bedtime?
I don't know what could work for your son, but you must stop rocking him! It will be tough at first I suppose, but he'll understand at some point. Tell him he's a big boy now!
Let me give a bit of a background on my 2 year old's sleep issues.
Since he was a baby we would rock him/ walk with him in our arms to put him to sleep (I realize this was a rookie mistake). This continued off and on until today.
At 6 months, we tried the Pantley No Cry Sleep Solution, which didn't seem to work and then did the Ferber Method, which worked well, but we actually put him to sleep as usual (again, another mistake) and the Ferber Method ended up keeping him asleep.
From this time to about 14 months old, he would take 30-60 minutes to fall asleep (sometimes in arms sometimes lying next to mom or dad) and usually wake up between 3-5, at which time, I would go to his room and bring him to our bed to fall back asleep. We realized this was a bad idea and so on to the next idea!
After that, he has slept on a full sized mattress on the floor. We thought he kept bumping into his crib and then waking up (he moves a lot in his sleep). This meant that when he woke up at night (between 3 & 5), I would go to his room and sleep with him. Not ideal, but not a big deal at all.
Now, he takes 45-90 minutes to actually fall asleep, cries when we don't rock/ walk around with him and when he wakes at at 5, he again cries unless we pick him up/ rock him.
My question is how can I get him to go to sleep on his own? What can I do? I don't mind putting him to sleep (provided it's a 30-45 minute exercise) although I know that I'm just delaying teaching him the skill of going to sleep. Are there any books/ experts/ advice that you suggest?
Current schedule: He wakes up at 5-5:30, I walk with him/ rock him until 6:30. He naps from 11:30-1 to 1:30 and starts bedtime at 7:45 (actually falls asleep at 8:45-9:15).
Thanks!!!
I think you've been reading too many books. Going to sleep is not a skill. You can do nothing at all to "teach" him to sleep and I guarantee you that he will, eventually, sleep.
Can you force yourself to fall asleep when you are not tired? I'm guessing no. I sure can't. Sometimes I can't even sleep when I'm tired. Stop trying to force your kid into unnatural routines. It's a losing battle. He will eventually sleep by himself and stop bugging you at night, and at that time you will, like all gullible parents, think you have finally found the method that worked.
I have a 4 year old and we still have to get in bed and lie next to him to get him to sleep. And he usually still wakes up in the middle of the night at least once, and if no one is there then we have to get him and put him in our bed.
Here is how to get your kid to sleep:
1. Put him to sleep when he's tired. NOT when you think he should go to bed. We have tried getting ours to sleep when he's not tired, and it simply isn't possible. As long as we don't try to put him to bed until he's really tired, he sleeps in about 5-10 minutes, and always has. But we've wasted a lot of nights trying to get him to sleep when he just wasn't ready - either because he took a long nap too late in the day, or because we stupidly gave him something sugary or chocolaty too close to bed, or maybe he just got up late that day and isn't ready.
2. Manage the naps - I know now that if I let him sleep past 3pm, he won't sleep til 1am that night. So I keep him awake if he seems tired, and just put him to bed earlier. When he used to really need a nap, I figured out that I had to schedule the day so that he napped and woke up before 3pm. I can't say it will always work 100%, but you have to do your best to manage it some days.
3. There is nothing wrong with lying next to him or even letting him sleep in your bed. Plenty of folks do it. I do, and I know lots of others who do, and we're all very normal, educated, successful people. 2 is very young, and I really wouldn't want him far away from me at that age.
4. Accept that some nights you will lose sleep and he will be up no matter what. That's called being a parent and it's what you signed up for, even if a bunch of people making money by selling books want to convince you otherwise.
Well, some of you are going to be shocked at this answer will think it is cruel and totally disagree, but it worked for my girlfriend. She was given this advice by a public health NURSE, by the way when she was at her whit's end with her son. She was told that this is a last resort if she'd tried all other avenues with no success.
BTW, I am just relaying this on so don't jump all over me. I didn't suggest it and I don't condone it. All I know is that it worked for her.
Her son was 2-1/2 when she gave birth to a daughter. When her daughter was born, her son had NEVER slept one night throught the night, so she was not only up with him crying in the night, she was up once or twice with the new baby. The baby would drink her bottle and go nicely back to sleep, but her son was another matter. He had anger issues if she tried to just let him cry it out, and he actually jumped so hard in his crib that he broke the bottom right out of it and ended up on the floor (he was fine, landed on top of the mattress). Yes, they had to go and buy a new crib lol.
She was beside herself with being tired and having her cranky son whining and crying in the night over nothing at all. (after giving him water and a diaper change) To top it all off, she had to go back to work 9 hour day shifts because she had to, financially.
The nurse asked her if her son had any special stuffed toy or blanket. (he had a special teddy bear,) Ok, so for the whole day, tell your son that Teddy Bear is tired from you keeping him up all night and that tonight if you cry and wake Teddy up, Teddy gets to stay in the nice warm bed and YOU (her son) would have to go outside so you don't keep Teddy awake. She told this to him every hour all day, kept reminding him what would happen if he cried in the night. She asked him if he understood this and asked him to repeat it. (which he did and totally understood)
Night time came, and of course he woke up crying. Keeping good to her word, mother took son outside, (porch light on) told him again that Teddy was still sleeping in a nice warm bed, and closed the door (of course she watched him through the bathroom window). 30 heartwrenching seconds later, she opened the door to this (now screaming) child and asked him if he'd like to be quiet and go sleep again in the nice warm bed with Teddy? Of course he said yes and quietly went to bed. She warned him that if he cried again, he would have to go back outside so Teddy can sleep, and asked him "do you understand?" Nods head yes... Not a peep out of him until morning.
I think he tested her one more time that week and that was IT. She didn't hear another PEEP out of her son again in the night, unless he was sick of course.
Is your son barely two or almost three? There is a huge developmental leap during a child's third year (i.e., the year that begins with the child's second birthday). So your response will depend on your child's age and developmental level.
Start by changing his bedtime routine somewhat - bath, jammies, brushed teeth, a little talk about his day, rock in a chair, with a bedtime storybook (make sure it's not an overly exciting story - patterned stories are best; you want something soothing and a bit monotonous. This is also the time for lullabies and the calmer nursery rhymes). Does he have a blanket, Teddy, or other cuddly toy? If not, let him pick out one from a selection you make. A night-light might be helpful, too.
Once the bedtime story is over, you may want to say his prayers with him, then let him have a small glass of water, tuck him in, kiss him goodnight, tell him (and Teddy) goodnight (there's another thread somewhere about good night routines), tell him you'll see him in the morning - and leave the room. Set the stage for calm, peaceful quiet and eventual sleep. Keep to the routine, and make it a special time he'll anticipate.
If he balks, gets out of bed repeatedly, screams or cries or otherwise refuses to go along with the program, tell him Teddy needs his sleep - not sure I'd go as far as putting him outside, but perhaps having him sit somewhere boring with absolutely nothing to do might work. Give it a few minutes - then tell him Teddy's asleep and he can come back if he's very, very quiet and doesn't disturb Teddy.
Only thing - most Teddies have permanently open eyes - not sure if he'd pick up on this or not!
Well, some of you are going to be shocked at this answer will think it is cruel and totally disagree, but it worked for my girlfriend. She was given this advice by a public health NURSE, by the way when she was at her whit's end with her son. She was told that this is a last resort if she'd tried all other avenues with no success.
BTW, I am just relaying this on so don't jump all over me. I didn't suggest it and I don't condone it. All I know is that it worked for her.
Her son was 2-1/2 when she gave birth to a daughter. When her daughter was born, her son had NEVER slept one night throught the night, so she was not only up with him crying in the night, she was up once or twice with the new baby. The baby would drink her bottle and go nicely back to sleep, but her son was another matter. He had anger issues if she tried to just let him cry it out, and he actually jumped so hard in his crib that he broke the bottom right out of it and ended up on the floor (he was fine, landed on top of the mattress). Yes, they had to go and buy a new crib lol.
She was beside herself with being tired and having her cranky son whining and crying in the night over nothing at all. (after giving him water and a diaper change) To top it all off, she had to go back to work 9 hour day shifts because she had to, financially.
The nurse asked her if her son had any special stuffed toy or blanket. (he had a special teddy bear,) Ok, so for the whole day, tell your son that Teddy Bear is tired from you keeping him up all night and that tonight if you cry and wake Teddy up, Teddy gets to stay in the nice warm bed and YOU (her son) would have to go outside so you don't keep Teddy awake. She told this to him every hour all day, kept reminding him what would happen if he cried in the night. She asked him if he understood this and asked him to repeat it. (which he did and totally understood)
Night time came, and of course he woke up crying. Keeping good to her word, mother took son outside, (porch light on) told him again that Teddy was still sleeping in a nice warm bed, and closed the door (of course she watched him through the bathroom window). 30 heartwrenching seconds later, she opened the door to this (now screaming) child and asked him if he'd like to be quiet and go sleep again in the nice warm bed with Teddy? Of course he said yes and quietly went to bed. She warned him that if he cried again, he would have to go back outside so Teddy can sleep, and asked him "do you understand?" Nods head yes... Not a peep out of him until morning.
I think he tested her one more time that week and that was IT. She didn't hear another PEEP out of her son again in the night, unless he was sick of course.
Make sure that you don't do roughhouse type play before bed at all.
Play w/ your son while the other spouse is making dinner..Dinner should be non sugary foods. Just good warm food. No sweetened drinks or sugary foods. Even apples are sugary...
After dinner, Quiet time play.. play, blocks etc, coloring w/ one of you, ...not wrestling or roughhousing.
Quiet time should be the last hour before bath. Help him learn to pick up his toys, get his room organized...let him pick out which book you'll read to him after his bath time while he snuggles under his covers like a big boy. He should have his favorite soft toy to hold, or a special blanket or quilt...Read to him til he falls asleep.
Kids thrive and are more secure when you get a routine down. It's the unorganized routine that disrupts kids the most.
He's a small boy (almost 25lbs @ 2 years old), so we give him 2 formula bottles a day for calories (that's another discussion!). The 2nd starts at 7:30 and he's mostly done by 7:45. Then, I read to him until 8:10 or so and then begin the bedtime process.
Reading your replies, I think I know of another problem He only eats or drinks milk while watching videos (I know, this is a mistake, but at one point, he was below the 2nd percentile in weight, and was born at 9lbs! His GI doctor wanted us to get as many calories in him as possible). Maybe he's overly excited after the videos and we should spend an additional 20 minutes reading/ quietly playing in his room before actually putting him to bed?
He seems tired to my wife and I, but again because of the videos maybe, he's "newly awakened". When the lights go out, he talks and sings and generally seems awake.
I think I can get him to go to sleep if I'm laying beside him. He used to do that (and still does sometimes). That may cause 1-3 days of crying for him, but I'm not super worried about that.
My major concern assumes that he can sleep laying next to me. Once that happens, how do I get him to sleep by himself? If I get up, or do the Sleep Lady Shuffle trick, he'll just get up and walk over to me (a crib would have been perfect now) and/ or throw a tantrum.
To answer your questions:
1) He just turned 2
2) He does have a lovey (2 actually), but he just likes them near him when he sleeps, he doesn't actually cuddle with them (maybe that's because he cuddles with me )
3) I think his bedtime is OK. Assuming he even sleeps from 9-7, that's 10 hours, plus a 1 to 2 hour nap, which is what I thought 24 month old kids need on average.
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