calling names at school? (bullying, teaching, parent, wife)
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So.....my daughter tells me there are 3 boys in her class at school who are keep calling her names like: "dumb", "stupid", and apparently today they were "chanting" that they "hate her"!
This is 2nd grade.
Thoughts? I am don't think this is "OK"...at any level and already emailed her teacher...however my hubby tells her that "boys are stupid at this age and are doing it because they like her"!!! I disagree 10000%
I don't think these are words that you say to anyone, let alone someone "you like".
Thoughts? not sure where to go from here. But this is been going on for a few months now, actually I first heard about this before the holidays last year.
Realistically, there is some , but not a lot you can do. If you intervene, it will often get worse. If it escalates, you will ahve to get the teacher and pricnipal involved.
We found a solution to one kid who was like that. My wife invited him (and his mom) over for a play day. Turned out thekid just needed a friend. He stopped being a bully shortly after and was over to play often. they are still sort of friends althgouht they veered apart. THe kid parties and skips school. My son does not, but they still talk.
So.....my daughter tells me there are 3 boys in her class at school who are keep calling her names like: "dumb", "stupid", and apparently today they were "chanting" that they "hate her"!
This is 2nd grade.
Thoughts? I am don't think this is "OK"...at any level and already emailed her teacher...however my hubby tells her that "boys are stupid at this age and are doing it because they like her"!!! I disagree 10000%
I don't think these are words that you say to anyone, let alone someone "you like".
Thoughts? not sure where to go from here. But this is been going on for a few months now, actually I first heard about this before the holidays last year.
yes boys are stupid at that age...but that doesnt excuse the bullying behavior- I would let the teachers know this, and even the principal,,,Id lay it on thick,,that she doesnt even want to go to school
if it were one kid,,,id suggest that you cant shelter kids from everything,,,but when three gang up,,its not an even playing ground
dads are quick not to get involved, because if a dad has to call another dad,,,it escalates in 2 minutes,,
much easier for mothers to call the other mothers
id tell the teacher -if this happens again- i will instruct my daughter to call me immediately, and I will come pick her up from school,,,but also meet with the principal or superintendent..
i have 0 tolerance for bullies- I use to stick up for the kids being bullied... and worse-bully the bullies,,,kids are cruel...doesnt mean other kids have to be subjected to another kids ignorance..
That is the way kids are. This will happen all through school. In adult life people can be mean, lie, cheat, and steal.
Best your daughter learn how to deal with these things now, then she will be better equipped for later life.
Negative "You" statements can be VERY harmful. ("You are dumb.") These statements can "program" the mind in a way similar to hypnosis. The thing to do is in her mind, think about things which make those statements incorrect.
And you can help her in that regard. When you see her doing something smart. Point out that she is smart and explain why she is smart. Then later when a kid calls here "dumb", she can think back to those things. Then say the statement is incorrect. "I am NOT dumb, I am smart!"
For myself in the adult world, I do not listen to people who say such negative things to me. I walk away from them in mid-sentence. They stand there with their mouth hanging open looking like a fool!
So walk away from these people and do not listen to them. Give them no attention whatsoever. If they have something good to say, then stay and listen!
Attention is an award to be given to those who are deserving. Many women seem to have this feature "built-in". They are quite good at giving errant husbands the dreaded "silent treatment"!
however my hubby tells her that "boys are stupid at this age and are doing it because they like her"!!! I disagree 10000%
I totally agree with you on this point. The takeaway from that from the child's perspective is, "You should tolerate antisocial behavior/behavior you find distressing and unpleasant from someone if they're doing it because they like you."
So.....my daughter tells me there are 3 boys in her class at school who are keep calling her names like: "dumb", "stupid", and apparently today they were "chanting" that they "hate her"!
This is 2nd grade.
Thoughts? I am don't think this is "OK"...at any level and already emailed her teacher...however my hubby tells her that "boys are stupid at this age and are doing it because they like her"!!! I disagree 10000%
I don't think these are words that you say to anyone, let alone someone "you like".
Thoughts? not sure where to go from here. But this is been going on for a few months now, actually I first heard about this before the holidays last year.
If it were 5th grade, it might be a boy/girl thing. Not 2nd grade. It's bullying. The teacher should have addressed this by now and it should not have been allowed to continue this long. You must not let it drop. Also, you should ensure that she will not be in the same class with any of those boys next year. And don't email - go in and have a meeting with the teacher, and if that doesn't solve ASAP then go in - do not email - the principal and insist on a meeting with both of them. Call it what it is - bullying - and don't let them intimidate you into dropping it.
That is the way kids are. This will happen all through school. In adult life people can be mean, lie, cheat, and steal.
Best your daughter learn how to deal with these things now, then she will be better equipped for later life.
Negative "You" statements can be VERY harmful. ("You are dumb.") These statements can "program" the mind in a way similar to hypnosis. The thing to do is in her mind, think about things which make those statements incorrect.
And you can help her in that regard. When you see her doing something smart. Point out that she is smart and explain why she is smart. Then later when a kid calls here "dumb", she can think back to those things. Then say the statement is incorrect. "I am NOT dumb, I am smart!"
For myself in the adult world, I do not listen to people who say such negative things to me. I walk away from them in mid-sentence. They stand there with their mouth hanging open looking like a fool!
So walk away from these people and do not listen to them. Give them no attention whatsoever. If they have something good to say, then stay and listen!
Attention is an award to be given to those who are deserving. Many women seem to have this feature "built-in". They are quite good at giving errant husbands the dreaded "silent treatment"!
The child is 7 years old. It's not acceptable. It has long-term effects. It may be the way things used to be, but now we know better and it's not acceptable anymore. Thank God.
Talk to the teacher about it. Most schools will take it fairly seriously.
The other option is teaching her how to stand up for herself. You can practice with her, act out the things that they're saying and different ways she can stand up for herself. Some kids can handle it, others can't. My oldest is now going to online school because she couldn't stand up to the bullies. My youngest is thriving in public school, even though she's not even in the 3rd percentile for height and some kids pick on her for being so small. She told me her strategy for dealing with bullies: "Call them the meanest bad words that you know. Do it quietly on the playground or at lunch or at PE where the teacher can't hear. If the bully tells on you, deny everything."
The child is 7 years old. It's not acceptable. It has long-term effects. It may be the way things used to be, but now we know better and it's not acceptable anymore. Thank God.
Well said. Bullying does have long term effects and I speak from experience. Today I sit here, typing in a rage wanting to punch someone. Just sent a long email to the school this afternoon. It is easy to say, "learn to deal with it," "toughen up," etc. Kids do need to learn to deal with things however I have a different perspective of bullying. Bullying shouldn't be tolerated and the OP should go to the school immediately.
Here is my story. My daughter is very immature for her age, annoying and socially awkward. Kids are really good at preying on the weak and my daughter started being bullied in Kindergarten by one especially mean girl in our neighborhood who would turn the other kids against her. Our neighborhood bus can be brutal and the bullying was getting so far out of hand that the bus driver called me. I reported it to the school as well as many other incidents over the years. Now the bullying has gotten more subtle and cruel. Today I watched her get off the bus and the other kids RAN from her, settling into their own little gossiping cliques and ignoring her. She always walks alone.
Now my daughter is in 7th grade and has built up a hard shell around her. She says that she can just ignore it but I think it hurts her deep down. She is numb at this point and I think there has been a deep psychological impact. As a mother, I've tried advocating as best as I can for her. Unfortunately, we have some really horrible kids in our neighborhood. My husband and I are doing our best to move out of here and this area. I know that bullying can happen anywhere but my daughter's school experiences have been horrible and we need a fresh start elsewhere.
One edit. I was bullied in public schools in the 70's. I lived in Hawaii and my friend and I were the only two "haoles" (white kids) in school. OMG, it was horrible. We would be punched, harrassed, threatened with physical violence. To this day, I hate team sports because of my public school experiences. If you stuck out in softball, believe me, those big girls would be waiting for you behind the bleachers. Teachers would basically ignore it. Fortunately, I lasted one year before receiving a scholarship to a private school but I remember that one year very well. It made me into a very fast runner!!
Last edited by Siggy20; 02-14-2013 at 03:17 PM..
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