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Old 02-13-2013, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Hampton
174 posts, read 211,643 times
Reputation: 95

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I am a newly single mom since Friday night and I need some advice. I have three boys - 4 months, 1 year, and 3 years old. There dad is not going to be in the picture anymore - his choice - and I am finding that it is hard to get anything done dealing with them. I work a at home job so I no longer have the option of working when they are being cared for now that I am alone. I am also finding the entire experience stressful and it is triggering depression. I love the boys but they are such a handful. Please tell me that being a single parent gets easier and less stressful.
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:47 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,872 posts, read 18,976,800 times
Reputation: 25152
It sounds like you need to go to court for child support, and use the child support money to pay for a sitter while you're working.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:00 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 8,790,396 times
Reputation: 12592
The first thing you are going to do is to see a lawyer. Use a Legal Aid lawyer if you have to. If you were married, you need to arrange for a divorce and child support.

If you were not married, you still need to make sure you get child support, for each child until each is 18. This is not negotiable. There is no such thing as dad doesn't want to be in the picture. He may want to walk out, but he still needs to financially take care of his children. Drag him into court as often as you need to, to make sure he pays.

If you work from home, figure out how you can arrange for child care for several hours of the day. Is there a family member who can watch the kids, an older neighborhood kid who can baby sit ? You'll be home, so you can keep an eye on things, you just need someone to take care of the very basics while you work.

No, it's not going to be easy, you have two infants and a toddler. That's a major handful. It will get somewhat easier when they the kids are in school all day. Then you'll have several uninterrupted hours to work from home.

Of course, it causes depression and fear. You've had a major shift in your life and you're worried about finances, yourself, the kids, etc. It's overwhelming. Take it step by step. Work on the legal end of it.
Look into getting at home help with the kids while you work. Vent and cry on the shoulders of family and friends for a little while, while the pain is still new and raw.

Look up Parents without Partners groups on Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup. That can be very emotionally supportive for you and you may get good tips on how to cope. It's going to be a struggle, no doubt about it. But single mothers can do it and raise wonderful children. Good luck




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Old 02-13-2013, 01:48 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,867,161 times
Reputation: 3142
Only a superwoman could work from home with 3 kids under 3. How did you do it before? Did the dad watch them? If money is tight, you might be eligible for a HeadStart daycare program for your 3yo. That would leave you with 2 babies at home. If you make very little, you might be able to get benefits to help with low cost childcare. You need to go to a social service agency in your city and see a social worker. There is help for you.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:06 PM
 
Location: here
24,479 posts, read 28,808,759 times
Reputation: 31062
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
It sounds like you need to go to court for child support, and use the child support money to pay for a sitter while you're working.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
Only a superwoman could work from home with 3 kids under 3. How did you do it before? Did the dad watch them? If money is tight, you might be eligible for a HeadStart daycare program for your 3yo. That would leave you with 2 babies at home. If you make very little, you might be able to get benefits to help with low cost childcare. You need to go to a social service agency in your city and see a social worker. There is help for you.
I second these suggestions. No one could possibly get any work done with 3 preschoolers in the house!
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:43 PM
 
Location: A little corner of paradise
689 posts, read 1,183,139 times
Reputation: 1226
I set out on my own with a 2 year old, 4 year old, and 6 months pregnant. While it was rough, it was never as rough as dealing with my husband's addictions. I was able to qualify for a child care grant, which allowed me to finish my degree. I also worked part time from home, doing medical transcription. Bedtime was a strict 7:30 for the kids. I would type and do homework until about midnight, then up and at 'em again at 5:30 the next morning. (Fortunately, I was young!)

I was lucky that I moved into a neighborhood with lots of teenagers. When my son was born, the girls came over to play with the baby and my girls, the boys came over the hang out with the teenage girls. This allowed me to get a lot more done. I was home to supervise while the teens played with the kids. Most of the teens' parents worked during the day, so it made me feel better that they were hanging out at my house, than at home unsupervised. They were all good kids.

There were days it was extremely rough! My oldest was most affected by losing her father, and she would sometimes go into rages. That, after a night of every-3-hour baby feedings, on top of finding time for work at school...I lost a ton of weight because of the stress, and it was STILL better than being married.

My kids saved me! They were my focus, and we were a team. When we first left, my dad said to me, "It's rough right now, but just wait 6 months. The dust will settle, things will smooth out, and you'll be in a good place." He was 100% right! Give it time. It will be rough, but you'll be fine. Your new life will become normal. Good luck!
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:06 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,810,130 times
Reputation: 22174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Msmommy22 View Post
I am a newly single mom since Friday night and I need some advice. I have three boys - 4 months, 1 year, and 3 years old. There dad is not going to be in the picture anymore - his choice - and I am finding that it is hard to get anything done dealing with them. I work a at home job so I no longer have the option of working when they are being cared for now that I am alone. I am also finding the entire experience stressful and it is triggering depression. I love the boys but they are such a handful. Please tell me that being a single parent gets easier and less stressful.
If your husband watched the kids before when you worked, you might try to see if he will still watch them so you can work. Or what about yoiur parents, siblings, your in-laws? Your in-laws might jump at the chance to have their grandchildren (nieces & nephews) even if your ex doesn't want to be involved.

Otherwise, pay a babysitter and consider time at work is a break from the kids. 24-7 isn't a good idea and like others said, working at home will be very difficult in this situation. I assume you have a good paying job that lets you remote into work instead of be there physically but maybe you can do a portion in the office, and a portion from home.
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