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Old 03-05-2013, 06:58 AM
 
606 posts, read 942,089 times
Reputation: 824

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
My kids knew what they could and couldn't do. They knew they were to play and entertain themselves, or I would give them something to do.
Yes, mine learned very quickly that "I'm bored" means I'll give her some sort of chore. Not something draconian or crazy, but if she can't come up with something to do herself then gosh darn it she'll find herself putting stuff away or emptying a wastebasket or pulling some weeds.

Strangely enough, I haven't heard that sentence in a few years.
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Old 03-05-2013, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,703,411 times
Reputation: 19540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stijl Council View Post
Yes, mine learned very quickly that "I'm bored" means I'll give her some sort of chore. Not something draconian or crazy, but if she can't come up with something to do herself then gosh darn it she'll find herself putting stuff away or emptying a wastebasket or pulling some weeds.

Strangely enough, I haven't heard that sentence in a few years.
Isn't it interesting, just how quickly they learn independent play, when given a bit of incentive? LOL
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Old 03-05-2013, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 4,200,014 times
Reputation: 1126
I will admit, I kinda chuckled a bit over the OP. I am a SAHM as well - my son will be three in two weeks, my daughter turned one in October, and #3 will be here at the end of April. I think most parents of more than one child will join me in thinking about how easy life was with just one child! Also, I have never, ever had help. All family lives 800 miles away, and the first "babysitting" the grandparents will do will be for the three days I am in the hospital for my third child.

That being said, my husband helps. We both have downtime when he gets home in the afternoon, since the children are napping (Does OPs kid nap?? I can't read through 51 pages at this point). They wake, we all play, one or both of us cook dinner, and we both help in the bath/bedtime routine, which means kids are never, ever in bed later than 7:30pm. WHY is this poor child awake at 10pm?

OP seems to have become way too reliant on outside help - as well as her DH, who needs to step up his game. Stop dragging your child all over creation for "classes" and you will likely find yourself with more time on your hands.

My routine (for two children) is: Wake up at 7am, get myself ready (clothes, hair, makeup if I know I'm leaving the house), make the bed. Kids are up around 7:30, but if I am not ready, they will play quietly in their room till I go to them. Dressed, potty for my son, downstairs for breakfast. While they eat, I empty the dishwasher, and put one load of laundry in the washer, then eat. Everyone is done... and the kids have independent playtime. For an hour or two, they will go off and entertain themselves - pretend play, racing around the house, do coloring pages, etc. If they want to read, I'll stop what I am doing to read. In the meantime, I do some chores that I have on a weekly schedule. I don't use dangerous chemicals in cleaning, so I'm not worried about the kids being exposed to them. Next is snack time (always some sort of fruit), then I let both kids watch a half hour of a PBS show (Daniel Tiger, which is fantastic) - I'm not a huge fan of TV, so it's a weekday, one episode thing. This is a bit of "me" time - I usually surf the internet or just lie on the couch for that half hour - everyone is recharged by the end of it. Back to playing until lunchtime, unless we have outside plans, and then if the weather is nice, a park or our backyard - I try and be a bit more involved here, teaching them about gardening, or sharing, or even sports skills - depends on the mood. Naptime for both is at 2pm (they're just waking up now at 5pm). My husband goes to work very early, and is usually home by 3:30, so we get some couples time - or these days, we both take a nap. Kids get up, they play with us (usually with dad, but I stick around for fun), we cook or have leftovers (I always cook for 2-3 nights' worth of dinner), my son cleans up his toys, then, as Daniel Tiger says, "Bathtime, brush teeth, PJs, story and song, then off to bed!" It's adult time from 7:30pm till our bedtime - and if we're tired, its our own fault for staying up too late. Oh, we both spend five minutes cleaning up after dinner - vacuum the kitchen/dining room, wipe down table and counters, load the dishwasher. I shower at night, and style my hair in the morning - yes, mother of soon to be three makes the time to use a curling wand on my hair 3x a week. It's "me" time!

Things will likely get hectic when #3 is here shortly, and we likely will spend more time in our own house and backyard since I highly value sleep in infants, and don't like dragging them everywhere if it interferes with naps... but you don't need "classes" to enrich your kids' lives. We have Little Gym for my son (daughter will be starting soon, now that she dropped her morning nap) and that is a Saturday morning thing, one on one with dad or mom.

I will say just one more thing... having one more child will NOT help what are obviously marital problems. Being that dependent on your parents seem to have only given you odd expectations of the responsibilities of parents - both of which are full time jobs for both mom and dad.
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:42 PM
 
71 posts, read 170,997 times
Reputation: 104
I did not read all of the responses here, OP, but I must say that I've never seen more ungenerous, less understanding, knee-jerk reactions.

Your job is incredibly difficult --- as difficult as your DH's. I would bet that most of the people who are critical of you have never spent a 7-day stretch of morning, noon, night with the same task of taking care of a little one. I babysit my grandchildren during the day, and I'd like to tell anyone who has never done to shut their pie hole until they've tried it. Some days, my tires squeal out as I get to go home to my peace and quiet. And I love them dearly and deeply!!

But, that said, this is a difficult phase for every couple. You and your husband are having very normal responses to incredibly stressful time in life.

This too shall pass, if you both try to support each other. Trying to "win" in this situation will just make everything worse. In order to win, you have to try not to. Let me explain.

Do a jujitsu approach: become as vested in having your DH feel supported no matter what and however.....then sit back and watch as he takes the same approach toward your needs within a couple of weeks. just try it. (but not feeling resentful doing it...you have to access that saint inside of you and watch it transfer to him also)
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:19 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedSurprise View Post
I will admit, I kinda chuckled a bit over the OP. I am a SAHM as well - my son will be three in two weeks, my daughter turned one in October, and #3 will be here at the end of April. I think most parents of more than one child will join me in thinking about how easy life was with just one child! Also, I have never, ever had help. All family lives 800 miles away, and the first "babysitting" the grandparents will do will be for the three days I am in the hospital for my third child.

That being said, my husband helps. We both have downtime when he gets home in the afternoon, since the children are napping (Does OPs kid nap?? I can't read through 51 pages at this point). They wake, we all play, one or both of us cook dinner, and we both help in the bath/bedtime routine, which means kids are never, ever in bed later than 7:30pm. WHY is this poor child awake at 10pm?

OP seems to have become way too reliant on outside help - as well as her DH, who needs to step up his game. Stop dragging your child all over creation for "classes" and you will likely find yourself with more time on your hands.

My routine (for two children) is: Wake up at 7am, get myself ready (oclothes, hair, makeup if I know I'm leaving the house), make the bed. Kids are up around 7:30, but if I am not ready, they will play quietly in their room till I go to them. Dressed, potty for my son, downstairs for breakfast. While they eat, I empty the dishwasher, and put one load of laundry in the washer, then eat. Everyone is done... and the kids have independent playtime. For an hour or two, they will go off and entertain themselves - pretend play, racing around the house, do coloring pages, etc. If they want to read, I'll stop what I am doing to read. In the meantime, I do some chores that I have on a weekly schedule. I don't use dangerous chemicals in cleaning, so I'm not worried about the kids being exposed to them. Next is snack time (always some sort of fruit), then I let both kids watch a half hour of a PBS show (Daniel Tiger, which is fantastic) - I'm not a huge fan of TV, so it's a weekday, one episode thing. This is a bit of "me" time - I usually surf the internet or just lie on the couch for that half hour - everyone is recharged by the end of it. Back to playing until lunchtime, unless we have outside plans, and then if the weather is nice, a park or our backyard - I try and be a bit more involved here, teaching them about gardening, or sharing, or even sports skills - depends on the mood. Naptime for both is at 2pm (they're just waking up now at 5pm). My husband goes to work very early, and is usually home by 3:30, so we get some couples time - or these days, we both take a nap. Kids get up, they play with us (usually with dad, but I stick around for fun), we cook or have leftovers (I always cook for 2-3 nights' worth of dinner), my son cleans up his toys, then, as Daniel Tiger says, "Bathtime, brush teeth, PJs, story and song, then off to bed!" It's adult time from 7:30pm till our bedtime - and if we're tired, its our own fault for staying up too late. Oh, we both spend five minutes cleaning up after dinner - vacuum the kitchen/dining room, wipe down table and counters, load the dishwasher. I shower at night, and style my hair in the morning - yes, mother of soon to be three makes the time to use a curling wand on my hair 3x a week. It's "me" time!

Things will likely get hectic when #3 is here shortly, and we likely will spend more time in our own house and backyard since I highly value sleep in infants, and don't like dragging them everywhere if it interferes with naps... but you don't need "classes" to enrich your kids' lives. We have Little Gym for my son (daughter will be starting soon, now that she dropped her morning nap) and that is a Saturday morning thing, one on one with dad or mom.

I will say just one more thing... having one more child will NOT help what are obviously marital problems. Being that dependent on your parents seem to have only given you odd expectations of the responsibilities of parents - both of which are full time jobs for both mom and dad.
FanTASTIC post.
6
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,399,744 times
Reputation: 41122
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
FanTASTIC post.
6
Agreed. And congrats to Starry on #3. Gosh I remember when she was expecting #1! Has it been that long? Time flies.....
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,216,996 times
Reputation: 73924
Wonderful, Starry, how things work when BOTH parents get involved?
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 4,200,014 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Wonderful, Starry, how things work when BOTH parents get involved?
I have a few friends who are military moms (fortunately for them, just one kid, hah) and I do not envy them their schedules. My husband is an awesome, awesome father... guy is out the door at 5:30am every day, JUST so he can get home early enough to spend quality time with the kids while maintaining a good bedtime for them. And... he gets up whenever a kid is up in the middle of the night. My daughter still wakes up at times, 16 months old, and he is more than willing to share the burden.

I really can't imagine dealing with my kids, at this age, till 10pm at night. I think both myself and my husband would want to shoot ourselves in the face, and our kids are really very well behaved. That might be the first step the OP considers... weaning her child to a normal sleep schedule will put everyone in a better mood overall. I know that I certainly don't feel deprived of couples, or "me" time, and the last time we hired a babysitter was for our anniversary in November, lol.
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 4,200,014 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Agreed. And congrats to Starry on #3. Gosh I remember when she was expecting #1! Has it been that long? Time flies.....
Hah, thank you! It really hasn't been that long - he's only just turning three, haha! Notice I haven't been here very much as a result... my son is so easy, but my daughter is quite the handful. Love her to pieces, but she was the child to give me my first gray hair
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,730 posts, read 6,104,807 times
Reputation: 4110
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedSurprise View Post

Naptime for both is at 2pm (they're just waking up now at 5pm). My husband goes to work very early, and is usually home by 3:30, so we get some couples time - or these days, we both take a nap.
I have to chuckle as I read this. Who would need help when your children sleep 3 hours a day and both parents home all afternoon and evening?
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