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So he came up to me, got in my face, and shoved me. I have been used to this, but that night I took a wooden chair and broke it on his back. Then I proceeded to kick him in the face.
The next day I moved out of my home. I am 21 now and haven't talked to my dad ever since.
I am not an example of an ungrateful kid. The day I broke that chair on his back, and gave him a little of the hell I have had to deal from him was the happiest of my life. The self gratification I got from watching him lay in torment as I have was emmense.
To this day if he ever came near my apartment door I wouldn't hesitate to grab the bat laying next to my door and pound his face into oblivion.
And I'm a 'good kid.'
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques
Yes, you're quite a little ray of sunshine, aren't you?
Beatings with the belt worked when I was a little kid. They stopped working when I was a teenager, and made me resent/hate my dad. To this day if he ever came near my apartment door I wouldn't hesitate to grab the bat laying next to my door and pound his face into oblivion. .
One day you will come to see that it is easier to just close the door.
To the poster who mentioned 'defiant disorder', aka ODD, I have often wondered if my son had this....but he doesn't fit the majority of the 'signs' of ODD. I still think this disorder might pertain to some of his 'argumentative' behavior....He is extremely intelligent, almost gifted. IQ ~122. Honors classes, just finished playing his last freshman FB game and yesterday began on the wrestling team. Very motivated, no problems there.
I also realize that my son may be trying to separate from me, as boys do w/their mothers at this age. He and I also were very close and I have read that this can make it more difficult for the boy to actually separate....causing them more angst and more I guess, acting out, so to speak.
He is acting like a normal teenager but I believe a bit more intense than the normal teenager....especially w/some of the things he says to me....indicates he has a large amt of repressed anger. Is it all truly directed toward me? Who knows.......maybe counseling could help get that out of him.
I feel for jak, it sounds like you had it rough with your alcoholic father. I think that you have much unresolved anger and maybe you should do yourself a service and talk to someone about unresolved issues that you obviously have. No sense in carrying around that baggage, it'll hurt you more than anyone else in the longrun.
I had made an appt with a psychologist for next Monday.....am trying to persuade my son that he needs to go....but so far he's protesting. Saying 'what are you gonna do, drag me there, I am curious to see how this is going to work out....' The little brat! He acknowledges that he has an anger mgmt problem, but doesn't see how 'talking' to some stranger can help him (as many ppl think, unfortunately).
As another poster said, I also agree that I am a safe scapegoat for him to take out his frustrations in being a teen. He knows that I have been there for him his whole life, unconditionally-whereas the dad's presence/involvement in his life has been fleeting.
I am trying to get the 'jist' of tough love. I told son just last night, after he was getting a bit belligerent-that I love him but will no longer do the niceties for him when he's verbally abusive, like giving him rides (for recreation), $, other things not necessary for his basic survival. I told him he'll get meals, clothes washed, things like that, but nothing special when he treats me disrespectfully.
I also need to be more consistent in walking away/blocking him out when he tries to instigate a fight with me....no matter how intense (and he can be very intense) he becomes.
The one big 'glitch' I think that I am having a harder time overcoming is this.....my son has an anger problem, so by me using tough love-which would probably further anger him, I feel like I am contributing to his anger problem, thereby making him MORE angry.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twowolves
What great and varied replies.
The one big 'glitch' I think that I am having a harder time overcoming is this.....my son has an anger problem, so by me using tough love-which would probably further anger him, I feel like I am contributing to his anger problem, thereby making him MORE angry.
Does that make sense to anyone out there?
You guys are so great! Thanks!
Maybe................BUT
He needs to learn to control his anger now, before he goes out into the real world. He cannot be SNAPPING at people in the workplace/school ect.
He needs to control his emotion for any future relationship he may have also. Wouldn't want him treating his wife/SO/children with disrespect and anger.
P.S. I am also dealing with somewhat of the same situation. It's not easy.
I am trying to get the 'jist' of tough love. I told son just last night, after he was getting a bit belligerent-that I love him but will no longer do the niceties for him when he's verbally abusive, like giving him rides (for recreation), $, other things not necessary for his basic survival. I told him he'll get meals, clothes washed, things like that, but nothing special when he treats me disrespectfully.
Basic survival does not include you doing his wash. I think this is part of the problem. Your son should be doing his own wash. Is mom going to do it when he leaves home? It's time for him to take care of some of his own stuff. He could be earning an allowance by doing things around the house. I would cook, but there is nothing wrong with him helping out with it or cleaning up afterwards. He will need to do it when he leaves home. He seems to be getting a free pass on having responsibilities. He thinks he is smarter than you and is doing a good job of manipulation. That part is pretty normal for a 15 year old.
My own son was gifted. He debated me like a lawyer at this age. You say your son is smart? That's good. It means he will understand new rules quickly. Do not feel guilty for being a parent. Your job is to ready him for the real world. Tough love.
Hi,
Wow, my son often is told by me that he should be an attorney, that is his 'calling' in my opinion! He can definitely hold his own and then some in a 'debate'. I also recently told him as he just entered HS, that he should be on the debate team! He'd win every one!
He does mow the lawn for a small amt of $.
Other than that, his plate is FULL. He is in Honors classes with tons of homework, was on freshman FB team from school day 2 until this past Tuesday and yesterday began on the wrestling team.....it goes until February with 2+ hr practices every day of the week and on Saturdays.....with all of this, he has no spare time basically. I will keep doing his laundry, as his grades are more important right now in 9th grade than teaching life skills (laundry, he does know how to wash clothes already, btw). We still have a few more yrs before that will be imminent.
As for being neat, he is fairly neat. His room is neat, he puts his clothes in a dirty hamper, he is definitely not a slob. I really can't complain about that.
I am surprised he is keeping up and doing so well with all of the above on his plate. He is handling it all very well. Right now he has all B's basically, I'd like to see some A's (his usual) in there next 9wks........
As a mother, it's your job to discipline him, not make him sandwiches. You could have stopped that years ago. As long as he's under your roof, you have the authority to call the shots, not him. Do you have support from your husband on this stuff? Sounds like you are fighting this fight on your own if he's only good around your husband. It also sounds like there's something going on there more than just respect. Cut the crap and stop being a pushover if that's the case. There's no reason a mother has to take that kind of attitude or any adult for that matter. Parents have allowed their kids to run things and now children and young adults have no sense of respect for anyone or anything. Morals have been lost and household family structure has been altered.
I may have jumped a few subjects here, but that's my tip for the day.
Hi,
Wow, my son often is told by me that he should be an attorney, that is his 'calling' in my opinion! He can definitely hold his own and then some in a 'debate'. I also recently told him as he just entered HS, that he should be on the debate team! He'd win every one!
He does mow the lawn for a small amt of $.
Other than that, his plate is FULL. He is in Honors classes with tons of homework, was on freshman FB team from school day 2 until this past Tuesday and yesterday began on the wrestling team.....it goes until February with 2+ hr practices every day of the week and on Saturdays.....with all of this, he has no spare time basically. I will keep doing his laundry, as his grades are more important right now in 9th grade than teaching life skills (laundry, he does know how to wash clothes already, btw). We still have a few more yrs before that will be imminent.
As for being neat, he is fairly neat. His room is neat, he puts his clothes in a dirty hamper, he is definitely not a slob. I really can't complain about that.
I am surprised he is keeping up and doing so well with all of the above on his plate. He is handling it all very well. Right now he has all B's basically, I'd like to see some A's (his usual) in there next 9wks........
You all are great. Keep the advice coming!!!
I'm very glad to hear your son is doing so well in school. That is a great sign. OK, he has some chores and cleans up after himself. That's good too. However, you stated he has no respect for you in your home. This is a problem. If everything is so great, why the disrespect? You came here for answers and now I feel as tho you are back peddling. If you do nothing else, at the moment he disrespects you, you need to address this immediately. There is no excuse big enough in my opinion for you to put up with this from a 15 year old boy. I don't care what is on his plate. It will get worse if it is not stopped. That's just my opinion. I do wish you well in finding what works for you.
P.S. BTW, I believe you said your son disrespects you after speaking to his father (your ex) on the phone in his room. If that happens, rip the phone out of the wall (oops, I mean remove the phone). That's my lesson.
Well, I don't want to sound like I am backpeddling. Because I sure am not meaning to. Just making a point that him or I doing his 'laundry' is not the problem. I wish that were all I had to complain about.
It's far greater than that. I told him just last night after he got a bit rude with me about (Again) something so miniscule, that I will begin using tough love-a new term for him perhaps. And went on to explain to him that I, as his mother, would be doing a disservice to him if I kept on treating him well after he treats me like crap. And that in the real world as an adult, you can't treat people like crap and expect to have successful relationships, jobs etc. I told him that I would do bare minimum for him, the basics. Including his laundry, for now atleast.
I told him that as long as and every time he is rude/disrespectful to me, the nice things will stop-as I mentioned in a prior post here. I know he was listening because he asked me 'what do you mean?'.....I was happy to hear that question.
As for the phone, it's a cell phone that his father gave him and pays for. And he calls the dad and bashes me to the dad AFTER we begin a 'fight'....and he is quite angered. He does not speak to the dad first then fight with me. If that clarifies it? Thanks!!
Well, I don't want to sound like I am backpeddling. Because I sure am not meaning to. Just making a point that him or I doing his 'laundry' is not the problem. I wish that were all I had to complain about.
It's far greater than that. I told him just last night after he got a bit rude with me about (Again) something so miniscule, that I will begin using tough love-a new term for him perhaps. And went on to explain to him that I, as his mother, would be doing a disservice to him if I kept on treating him well after he treats me like crap. And that in the real world as an adult, you can't treat people like crap and expect to have successful relationships, jobs etc. I told him that I would do bare minimum for him, the basics. Including his laundry, for now atleast.
I told him that as long as and every time he is rude/disrespectful to me, the nice things will stop-as I mentioned in a prior post here. I know he was listening because he asked me 'what do you mean?'.....I was happy to hear that question.
As for the phone, it's a cell phone that his father gave him and pays for. And he calls the dad and bashes me to the dad AFTER we begin a 'fight'....and he is quite angered. He does not speak to the dad first then fight with me. If that clarifies it? Thanks!!
twowolves, please know I am on your side. I just get fired up. What you have told me is good. I think your son is beginning to see you mean business. Your attitude is of upmost importance. You will not be disrespected. Hold your ground sweetie. You are so important in his life.
Also, just so you know, in my world if your momma ain't happy - no one is happy! (smiles)
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wow.....
Hold your ground sweetie. You are so important in his life. 
