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Okay, so my daughter had been in a summer camp with another girl for a few years. They were friends and my daughter spent time at the girls' home a few times after camp. The girl and her family were very nice and I had no problem with my daughter hanging out over there.
Well, last summer (2012), the girl tried to "fix up" my daughter with some guy the girl met on Blackberry messenger. They were on a break at camp and she gave the guy my daughter's number and gave my daughter the guy's number. My daughter and the guy texted on and off the rest of the day.
When my daughter got home, I noticed she was texting a lot more than usual and took the phone from her. I see she's texting some guy and I don't recognize the name so I ask her about it. She tells me her friend set her up with him. I asked if he goes to her camp? She said no, that he's 16 (my daughter was 13 1/2, almost 14 at the time). I ask her where her friend knows him from. She has no idea. I ask if she's met him in person? No.
I do a little investigating on my own and come to find out this guy has got to be 25 if he's a day. I found him on Facebook and other internet sites and everything on his pages is "thug", sex, alcohol, drugs, clubs, etc etc etc. His photos show that he's absolutely not some 16 year old kid. Like I said, he appeared to be 25 at the very least.
Well, I grab her phone and text the guy and tell him he better stay away from my daughter, I know who he is and where he lives and if he even tries to contact her again, I will call the police and if he continues, I will get the FBI involved. I told him I know what he does and what he's up to and if he knows what's good for him, he'll stay away from my daughter or he'll have to deal with me and he doesn't want to do that. He apologizes and says he won't contact her again (and he hasn't. I check all her social media as well as phone/text records).
This guy contacts my daughter's friend and tells her what I said. The girl asks my daughter the next day at camp and my daughter tells her what happened and explains the guy is older, etc. This was toward the end of the camp session and the girl and my daughter haven't seen each other since.
Fast forward to this morning. I'm checking my daughter's Facebook page and I see she's still friends with the girl on Facebook even though they haven't posted to one another at all. I click on the girl's page and she's still friends with this guy! The girl is my daughter's age (14).
Here's the question: Would you call the girl's mother to let her know about this guy?? He is definitely bad news and I'm pretty sure he trolls around looking for young, naive girls. The girl could be putting herself in a dangerous situation and not even realize it.
If you are socially friendly with the parents and have met them, maybe. You can relay your suspicions and then let them deal with them as they will. Of course, you will have to let them know you've been on their daughter's FB page which, if she does not have it set to "private" they might want to deal with as well.
If you are not friendly with them, I would not.
You have done what you should for your daughter, and you should maintain that level of monitoring throughout her mid-teens. On the internet, though, many people are not who they say they are. I would not make too many accusations without actual proof.
Tricky one. I don't think so. The mother could resent your interference even though you have only the best interests of the girl. What this girl does and her friends should be none of your business. Still it would nag at me what the best thing to do is. I'm sure others will weigh in soon.
Wmsm4Life.... No, I'm not friendly or social with her mother. I would see her at the camp during pick up/drop off and spent a tiny bit of time at her home when I was picking up my daughter. I'll definitely continue monitoring my daughter's social media, etc. I agree thtat not everyone is who they say they are on the internet, but from what this guy texted to my daughter (stuff about "oh, I have something for you to do" in response to her saying she's not doing anything or "I'll make you un-bored" when she said she was bored at camp) and from the looks of his photos and his FB and other internet sites he's on, he's definitely TROUBLE.
No Kudzu. I agree. I'm not going to say anything to her. She should be monitoring her daughter's activities. It has been bothering me, though, since last summer and when I saw him on her FB friend list this morning, I wanted to do something. I don't think I will, though. I haven't seen or spoken to the mom since last summer (just hello/goodbye) so for me to call now out of the blue would be weird and intrusive.
I think you should tell the other mom about your daughter's contact with this man and how she came to be connected with him through the camp friend. I would want to know if that were my daughter. I don't see why the other mother would be annoyed that you told her. It is not like you are butting into their business. You are relaying something that concerns you about this man and young girls. You can skip the information about Facebook if you want and just concentrate on the rest of the story. If the other mother is involved in her daughter's life, the texting information alone should be enough to raise red flags.
Wmsm4Life.... No, I'm not friendly or social with her mother. I would see her at the camp during pick up/drop off and spent a tiny bit of time at her home when I was picking up my daughter. I'll definitely continue monitoring my daughter's social media, etc. I agree thtat not everyone is who they say they are on the internet, but from what this guy texted to my daughter (stuff about "oh, I have something for you to do" in response to her saying she's not doing anything or "I'll make you un-bored" when she said she was bored at camp) and from the looks of his photos and his FB and other internet sites he's on, he's definitely TROUBLE.
No Kudzu. I agree. I'm not going to say anything to her. She should be monitoring her daughter's activities. It has been bothering me, though, since last summer and when I saw him on her FB friend list this morning, I wanted to do something. I don't think I will, though. I haven't seen or spoken to the mom since last summer (just hello/goodbye) so for me to call now out of the blue would be weird and intrusive.
Thanks!
I saw your post after I posted my initial reply. I think you need to ask yourself how you would feel if this girl ended up being molested/raped by this man, and you may have been able to prevent it. I think sometimes you have to not worry about what other adults are going to think and try to protect young people. As I said in my other note, you can concentrate on talking about your daughter's contact with this man, along with the added note of how she came to be connected with him (via the camp friend). Sometimes things can slip beneath a parent's radar, and it is nice if we can help each other out. You are not accusing the other parent of anything--you are just passing along information that could be very important in the life of this other girl.
I think you should tell the other mom about your daughter's contact with this man and how she came to be connected with him through the camp friend. I would want to know if that were my daughter. I don't see why the other mother would be annoyed that you told her. It is not like you are butting into their business. You are relaying something that concerns you about this man and young girls. You can skip the information about Facebook if you want and just concentrate on the rest of the story. If the other mother is involved in her daughter's life, the texting information alone should be enough to raise red flags.
YES times 100.
Why would you keep this from any parent I have no idea. You need to stand up for this 14 year old and let her mom know that a 25 year old is zero'd in on her daughter! You could end up saving her life.
Of course you should tell the girl's parents. Who cares if you know her well or not, and you are not telling them how to react or deal with the situation - you are informing them of what happened concerning the girls and this man - the ball will be in their court, your conscience will be clear, and hopefully nothing will happen with your daughter's friend.
If it were MY daughter, I would definitely want you to tell me.
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