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I remember one of your posts far, far earlier in this thread where you said that you couldn't possible imagine that you spent $12,000 a year on your daughter's food, clothing and all of her expenses.
I disagreed and suggested that if you added up everything (toiletries, dentist bills, contact lenses, hair cuts, AP course exam fees, etc, etc) you would be shocked at the total amount.
And, now she is your "expensive child" with piano lessons alone costing more than $3,000 a year. Sheesh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I still think we're going to be hard pressed to come up with $12k/year we spend just on her. $3k is a start. There's still $9k to go.
I really don't want to argue with you but, one last time, I still say that you would be surprised at how quickly you can spend $12,000 on a teenager, esp. a girl.
Try keeping a notebook in your purse and mark down every expense for a few weeks. Unless your daughter is a real hermit, doesn't eat at school or outside of your house, doesn't go out with friends anywhere, doesn't have a smartphone or text, doesn't buy make-up, books, or magazines, Cliff notes, only wears hand-me-down clothes (including underwear) from her older sister or from you, etc, etc. I am sure that you would be surprised at how much you spend.
For example one year we sent our high school age daughter to a two week International Relations Seminar in Washington, DC. The "all inclusive" fee was about $2,500. Well, you needed to add in the $400 in transportation costs to get there, $300 in "suitable, respectful clothes" (no sleeveless tops for visiting embassies, longer, looser skirts, dress pants, a skirted suit, pantyhose, two pair of nice shoes, etc.) definitely not yourtypical high school wardrobe, $150 spent for a few meals not covered by the fee, snacks & soda, $100 for postcards, gifts, souvenirs, $250 for a camera because we didn't have one at the time, $75 in film and developing the photographs when she returned home, $200 in books, materials & supplies that were optional but strongly suggested (and ended up very useful) and I'm sure that I'm forgetting many things.
So, this $2,500 "all inclusive" Seminar for outstanding high school students from around the world ended up costing us closer to $4,000. Luckily, for us we had money in her college fund to use. Unluckily, for us that meant we needed to take out more student loans when she was in college because we used this money earlier.
And it isn't just the big expenses that add up. I remember many shopping trips, where we would be in the mall and she would need some make-up, $35 Ka-ching, a new bra and a few pair of panties or a shirt ot two, $40, Ka-ching, fingernail polish, polish remover, cotton balls and a fashion magazine at the drugstore, $25 Ka-ching, stop for lunch at Ruby Tuesdays, $12 (including tip) for her share Ka-ching or even fast food $6 Ka-ching. That is over $100 right there, if you do that every three or four weeks you have $1200 to $1800 already.
Perhaps, your daughter cuts her own hair so you save money there, my daughter doesn't so it is $35 (plus tip) every six to eight weeks so that alone is $320 to $540 a year.
If you go to baseball games, or hockey games, or museums, or movies those tickets for your daughter, can really add up fast. Even one activity a month, plus her food at those events can add up.
I can't remember if you said if your daughter was going to prom or not. Where I live, most girls spend $125 to $250 on a dress (some a lot more) and maybe $50 on shoes and $25 for jewelry, get their hair done, $50, get a mani-pedi, $60, buy a garter and boutonniere for their date $25, have a restaurant meal before prom, $25, so the total is already up to $360 to $485 for that one event not counting tickets, new make-up, perfume, after prom, etc. In my area, there is also homecoming and winter formal so it is usually three times a year for those expenses.
Of course, perhaps your daughter will borrow a dress or get one from Goodwill, do her own hair & use fingernail polish and lipstick that someone threw out. and give her date a dandy-lion as a boutinniere so maybe you are correct that you couldn't spend $12,000 a year on your daughter's expenses.
I really don't want to argue with you but, one last time, I still say that you would be surprised at how quickly you can spend $12,000 on a teenager, esp. a girl.
Try keeping a notebook in your purse and mark down every expense for a few weeks. Unless your daughter is a real hermit, doesn't eat at school or outside of your house, doesn't go out with friends anywhere, doesn't have a smartphone or text, doesn't buy make-up, books, or magazines, Cliff notes, only wears hand-me-down clothes (including underwear) from her older sister or from you, etc, etc. I am sure that you would be surprised at how much you spend.
For example one year we sent our high school age daughter to a two week International Relations Seminar in Washington, DC. The "all inclusive" fee was about $2,500. Well, you needed to add in the $400 in transportation costs to get there, $300 in "suitable, respectful clothes" (no sleeveless tops for visiting embassies, longer, looser skirts, dress pants, a skirted suit, pantyhose, two pair of nice shoes, etc.) definitely not yourtypical high school wardrobe, $150 spent for a few meals not covered by the fee, snacks & soda, $100 for postcards, gifts, souvenirs, $250 for a camera because we didn't have one at the time, $75 in film and developing the photographs when she returned home, $200 in books, materials & supplies that were optional but strongly suggested (and ended up very useful) and I'm sure that I'm forgetting many things.
So, this $2,500 "all inclusive" Seminar for outstanding high school students from around the world ended up costing us closer to $4,000. Luckily, for us we had money in her college fund to use. Unluckily, for us that meant we needed to take out more student loans when she was in college because we used this money earlier.
And it isn't just the big expenses that add up. I remember many shopping trips, where we would be in the mall and she would need some make-up, $35 Ka-ching, a new bra and a few pair of panties or a shirt ot two, $40, Ka-ching, fingernail polish, polish remover, cotton balls and a fashion magazine at the drugstore, $25 Ka-ching, stop for lunch at Ruby Tuesdays, $12 (including tip) for her share Ka-ching or even fast food $6 Ka-ching. That is over $100 right there, if you do that every three or four weeks you have $1200 to $1800 already.
Perhaps, your daughter cuts her own hair so you save money there, my daughter doesn't so it is $35 (plus tip) every six to eight weeks so that alone is $320 to $540 a year.
If you go to baseball games, or hockey games, or museums, or movies those tickets for your daughter, can really add up fast. Even one activity a month, plus her food at those events can add up.
I can't remember if you said if your daughter was going to prom or not. Where I live, most girls spend $125 to $250 on a dress (some a lot more) and maybe $50 on shoes and $25 for jewelry, get their hair done, $50, get a mani-pedi, $60, buy a garter and boutonniere for their date $25, have a restaurant meal before prom, $25, so the total is already up to $360 to $485 for that one event not counting tickets, new make-up, perfume, after prom, etc. In my area, there is also homecoming and winter formal so it is usually three times a year for those expenses.
Of course, perhaps your daughter will borrow a dress or get one from Goodwill, do her own hair & use fingernail polish and lipstick that someone threw out. and give her date a dandy-lion as a boutinniere so maybe you are correct that you couldn't spend $12,000 a year on your daughter's expenses.
I give up.
I know what I spend on her because of the way I budget. $2.5k for piano (I included camp in the $3k I stated earlier and she's not going anymore), $500 for school activities and $3k for food gets us halfway there. Her clothing allowance is $800/year (which she tells me is less than ANYONE at school (don'cha just love the drama that is a 15 year old girl?), she can earn $1300 in allowance (which she mostly spends on clothes and her cell phone (I refuse to pay for smart phones but she HAD to have one.). She sells her old clothes in resale shops and recycles the money back into her clothing budget and earns a little here and there baby sitting (too many teenaged girls to compete with for regular jobs). I'm a little short of $12K here...about $75/week short...though I'm sure she'd LOVE to spend more and get us there. The girl inherited the spending gene from my mother. It's funny how genes work. Dd#1 and I rarely spend money and then there's dd#2....of course her dad thinks money grows on trees too so she got a double whammy on that spending gene...which is why she has an allowance and a clothing budget. If she didn't, she'd spend me out of house and home.
She wants to be 16 and get a job so badly. She thinks she'll be rolling in dough....
Without attributing part of the house payment and utilities to her, we're going to be hard pressed to get to $12k unless we start spending more. Seriously, our biggest expenses are in the past and future for her. Day care was expensive and college will be expensive. I think if you average our costs for the first 22 years, it probably is $12K, it just isn't right now. College will, easily, be twice that.
I will, however, keep that notebook. That's a good idea.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-04-2013 at 07:17 PM..
UGH. Reading comprehension..... I've already stated that dd#1 benefits indirectly as she will get everything we put away for college from our incomes.
It's not an issue of justifying my actions but of keeping with the intent of the government. Dd#2 is a minor, this needs to be set aside for her needs because that is what the government intended. Dd#1 benefits in that we won't be spending money on dd#2 that we would have otherwise. That's now for her.
Good grief! If you are so concerned about the intent of the government, then refuse the money and let it go to someone who actually needs it.
It's intended for dd's benefit not mine. That decision would have to be hers.
No, you, the parents know if you need the money to feed and clothe her. You don't, so don't take the money. It isn't for her to decide. Unfortunately, her parent(s) don't seem to be capable.
No, you, the parents know if you need the money to feed and clothe her. You don't, so don't take the money. It isn't for her to decide. Unfortunately, her parent(s) don't seem to be capable.
Nope. This is for her either now or later. If we don't need it now, it should be saved for later. She can use it...for college. We just don't need it to pay her current bills. If you go to the SS website, saving the money for the child to use later is an acceptable option. You'd have to be stupid to turn it down. The money can be used to pay her support now or saved for her to use later. Those are the two options that benefit her and that is what this money is for. Her benefit not mine. I could take half of it and justify it because that covers her support but I'm not going to because that would be stealing from her.
Good grief! If you are so concerned about the intent of the government, then refuse the money and let it go to someone who actually needs it.
It's not my money to turn down. The options available are: Use it for her support now or save it for her later. The reason the government allows "save it for HER for later" as an option is they realize that not everyone needs it now. What dd needs is college money not support money and this money can be and will be used for that. That is a legitimate use of the money according to SS.
The correct option if you don't need the money now is to save it for later not to turn it down and deny the child the benefit of the money. Who knows what she will need in two years. However, there is no do over if her/our situation changes. (And you're dreaming if you think the government is going to hand it to someone who needs it more if I turn it down. )
I can't believe people would recommend we turn it down rather than use it for dd's benefit. Would you do that to your child?
Why did you even start this thread? You had your mind made up to save the money for DD2's college education and hide that fact from DD1. So why even pretend you wanted other options and opinions? Carry on with your favoritism as mandated by the government.
Seventeen pages, and the OP still doesn't get it. Maybe it's time for Mr Ivory to handle the finances.
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The girl inherited the spending gene from my mother. It's funny how genes work. Dd#1 and I rarely spend money and then there's dd#2....of course her dad thinks money grows on trees too so she got a double whammy on that spending gene...which is why she has an allowance and a clothing budget. If she didn't, she'd spend me out of house and home. 
