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I have a question on how to handle a situation that dd#1 is going to see as unfair. She will be turning 18 just before her father retires. Dd#2 will be 15. It turns out dd#2 gets her own social security check when her dad retires and it will be, at least, $1000/month. We're planning on putting it away for her for college. So, dd#2 will have about $30K more for college than her sister.
Dd#1 has always felt her sister gets more than her. Her sister is the smarter one and the more talented one (not that dd#1 is a slouch. She isn't. Her sister just got more.). Now she's the one getting a thousand dollars a month from the government. Dh and I cannot match this for dd#1. We didn't even know about it until dd#2 asked about it. She has a friend who gets SS because his father is retired (idiot parents here who just hand the money to a 16 year old...she thought we were going to do the same....).
I don't plan on telling dd#1 and have sworn dd#2 to secrecy but, eventually, dd#1 is going to find out her sister has a lot more money for college than she had. How would you handle this?
Edited to add: We do plan on helping dd#1 with college expenses and will do more for her than her sister because of this but it won't match the extra her sister is getting.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-17-2013 at 06:45 AM..
Split the money between the two of them, that is the only fair way.
If the older kid doesn't go to college, put her part into a savings that she can use for necessities in the future.
I'd split the money between them and pay the same for each for college no matter what. It makes no sense that one would get more than the other, and unless there is some legal reason why dd2 needs to have that money, I would not give it to her. dd2 doesn't need to know where the money is going.
I'd split the money between them and pay the same for each for college no matter what. It makes no sense that one would get more than the other, and unless there is some legal reason why dd2 needs to have that money, I would not give it to her. dd2 doesn't need to know where the money is going.
It's actually taxable as income for dd#2. We're not sure what choices we have yet but her friend gets a direct deposit to a debit card that is issued by the government in his name. As far as I know, the money has to be either put on a debit card in her name or deposited into an account in her name. As her parents, we have the right to use the money to support her, which is what the government's intent is here. However, we had no idea she would qualify for SS when her father retires so this is extra. Our plan never included a check for her.
I feel very funny taking what is clearly hers. The income will be reported on her W-2 and she will have to sign the tax return when we file it. It's her tax bill if there is one and this will impact the amount of taxes she pays when she gets her first job.
I'm really not sure what the right thing is here. If the government wanted dd#1 to get a check, she'd be getting one.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-17-2013 at 07:28 AM..
It's actually taxable as income for dd#2. The check comes to her not us.
It doesn't matter, she is a minor, and you, as the parents, are the ones to make the decisions...and she can't cash the checks or pay the taxes on it...you do that.
Really, I can't see why this is even in question....you have TWO daughters.
If my parents even considered leaving me out like that....I would end that relationship.
It doesn't matter, she is a minor, and you, as the parents, are the ones to make the decisions...and she can't cash the checks or pay the taxes on it...you do that.
Really, I can't see why this is even in question....you have TWO daughters.
If my parents even considered leaving me out like that....I would end that relationship.
Indeed. People have no idea what it is to be a family any more.
It doesn't matter, she is a minor, and you, as the parents, are the ones to make the decisions...and she can't cash the checks or pay the taxes on it...you do that.
Really, I can't see why this is even in question....you have TWO daughters.
If my parents even considered leaving me out like that....I would end that relationship.
As usual, you're wrong. The money goes to the child. Dd's friend has a debit card, in his name, that the government makes a monthly deposit to. He is one of 5 children and the only one getting a check, BTW (he's the only minor child of the retired father. His younger siblings are by his mom's second husband).
I'm not sure what other options we have but dh, who is looking into this, thinks it has to be deposited to an account in her name. We can be joint owners of the account but she is the primary.
The money is, very clearly, intended for her. The tax bill is hers. Otherwise it would just be added to dh's SS check. It's not family income. I am, however, not doing what her friend's parents did and just letting her spend the money. That is silly.
So, what is my justification to her for taking half of what the government gave her and giving it to her sister? There is no way to hide this from her. She has to sign the tax documents and has to be named on any account the money goes into. She knows the government does this for minor children of people who are retired. She'd like us to just hand it to her like her friend's parents do but that is not happening.
As usual, you're wrong. The money goes to the child. Dd's friend has a debit card, in his name, that the government makes a monthly deposit to. He is one of 5 children and the only one getting a check, BTW (he's the only minor child of the retired father. His younger siblings are by his mom's second husband).
I'm not sure what other options we have but dh, who is looking into this, thinks it has to be deposited to an account in her name. We can be joint owners of the account but she is the primary. As I posted elsewhere, this is considered her income and taxable as her income. She will sign the tax documents when we file them.
As usual I'm wrong?
My step sister and I both received SS checks due to one of our parents passing away...and we never even saw the money...it was used to support our needs.
Maybe you should actually go on the SS website and read up on your situation instead of relying on hearsay.
In my opinion, hiding from DD1 is a HUGE mistake. When she does finally find out, you have the lack of fairness AND dishonesty to deal with. Bad. Here is what I would do. I would get knowledgeable about the law and what options you have as it seems your DH is doing. With this information available, sit them down at a family meeting and ask THEM what is the right thing to do. This is a perfect problem solving opportunity for everyone.
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