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I don't think a child is normal if they don't attempt to skirt the rules a bit.
I would like to steal a comment you made in an other thread to highlight a slight difference I have with you here. In another thread, you said "As a parent we have the obligation to protect our children from themselves." And it struck me that it speaks to what I mean about rules here. I don't universally agree with this. I think that there is a balance to be struck between this and allowing them to fail, screw up and suffer the consequences. We need to protect them from themselves when the consequences are unrecoverable (kill themselves, kill someone else, suffer debilitating injury). If they hit college age, and they have no already been allowed to suffer the consequences of mismanaging their money, We Have Waited To Long to allow them to understand consequences.
A rule is an externally dictated mandate against which it is natural to rebel. If there is no external dictate, there is nothing to rebel against.
I read a few articles, so I'm not sure which it was, but one of the comments gave me a memorable wince. Someone lamented that the boys' life was ruined because of this girl, which is sickening but nothing new. He went on to say that a girl was in a similar situation back when he was in school, and she and her family did the right thing and left town.
I read a few articles, so I'm not sure which it was, but one of the comments gave me a memorable wince. Someone lamented that the boys' life was ruined because of this girl, which is sickening but nothing new. He went on to say that a girl was in a similar situation back when he was in school, and she and her family did the right thing and left town.
Maybe it is too much to ask that the perpetrators go to prison where every bubba with a 16year old daughter uses them as their little b******. But I can't even really mean that. Maybe their parent who raised them to be misogynist, macho douche bags should be the ones to suffer bubba.
I know none of this is sensible, just visceral reaction to the basest of non human treatment of humans.
Yeah, I just watched a few minutes of one of the boys laughing uproariously with his friends about how unresponsive she was while they were urinating on her and having anal sex with her.
I read a few articles, so I'm not sure which it was, but one of the comments gave me a memorable wince. Someone lamented that the boys' life was ruined because of this girl, which is sickening but nothing new. He went on to say that a girl was in a similar situation back when he was in school, and she and her family did the right thing and left town.
Sadly not surprising. And yet you still read "boys will be boys. Girls, apparently, are still expected to be, well what I'm not exactly sure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Yeah, I just watched a few minutes of one of the boys laughing uproariously with his friends about how unresponsive she was while they were urinating on her and having anal sex with her.
I was reading that if they'd been tried as adults they would have received a 10 year sentence, which as I read more and more, I think they deserve.
I really believe your child's friends are nearly as important to his or her development as you are. I've seen brilliant and talented people brought down by their friends. Likewise, I've seen average people rise to great success by keeping great friends. As a parent, it's your responsibility to ensure your child is surrounded by good people and learns to recognize good people to keep as friends. So many parents raise their children properly but then allow their child to be surrounded by bad people. You have to teach your kids how to pick friends. You can't allow them to hang out with whoever they like or is "cool"
How does this lead to rape and sexual assault? Because in my experience, fraternity/fraternal like behavior often leads to this. This is particularly common among jock cultures. Guys will get drunk together and will hang out with sexually promiscuous or flirtatious girls. They get their phone cameras and think it's funny to record themselves having sex or group sex. In college, it gets worse. And the lines become blurred between right and wrong: joking around vs sexual assault. A lot of good kids get lured into this trap.
So what is the solution? I really believe that parents need to pick a good school for their child. A good school isn't necessarily a private school or a wealthy school. In my opinion, a good school is one that stresses academics and carries very little in terms of athletics thus minimizing the jock culture. The schools that tend to excel in sports also tend to be the "popular" schools which has a fraternity/sorrority like culture. There are schools whose focus is academics. These types of schools don't offer a great party scene. Their environments are very academic and their students are used to working hard so that they are not preoccupied with trying to be popular etc. You want your child to be surrounded by people that are academically oriented.
I speak from experience as I was a jock and socialized with guys. I can tell you that my crowd today would be the type that would engage in these sexual shenanigans that could lead to sexual assault and rape. I recognized that and made certain my children attended good schools and I am meticulous about knowing who my children socialize with and who their friends are.
Last edited by azriverfan.; 03-20-2013 at 11:18 AM..
There's not much I won't speak to my children about. And there's not too many angles that I won't cover. I feel it's one of the highest "callings" of parenting; to inform/teach/educate.
(Concerning the "rules" thingy. What adult here was not once a child/teen? And what once child/teen is not familiar with lying, rebelling, sneaking, manipulating, hiding, rushing for independence? Even if we ourselves were stellar children (not I), we were knowledgable of other heathen children and their antics! That being said, I just don't get why most parenting conversations inevitably end up with the "kids will rebel against rules." My children have a choice, as do I, and I choose to set boundaries!
they can attempt to find ways past them, and there will be consequences--no different than the way of the world actually.)
Last edited by Tell-the-Truth; 03-20-2013 at 11:21 AM..
Sadly not surprising. And yet you still read "boys will be boys. Girls, apparently, are still expected to be, well what I'm not exactly sure.
I was reading that if they'd been tried as adults they would have received a 10 year sentence, which as I read more and more, I think they deserve.
The media on this story constantly talked about how terrible it was that these boys lives were being ruined, most didn't mention anything about the life of the victim being ruined, or that the boys deserved to be punished. All these female anchors talking about these "poor suffering boys," ignoring that it could have been them being raped, or their daughters. Would they be feeling so sorry for these boys if that were the case? Oh right, THEY would never drink that much, or take a drug, it was HER own fault, after all. How could the poor boys be expected to refrain from sodomizing, and urinating all over her with their hormones and all?
We still have a strong culture of blaming the victim, and trying to excuse rape as understandable male behavior in response to something the victim has done, it's usually more subtle than it used to be, but at times it's still glaring. It seems likely that this story will "get old" soon, and things will go back to "normal" until it happens again.
The media on this story constantly talked about how terrible it was that these boys lives were being ruined, most didn't mention anything about the life of the victim being ruined, or that the boys deserved to be punished. All these female anchors talking about these "poor suffering boys," ignoring that it could have been them being raped, or their daughters. Would they be feeling so sorry for these boys if that were the case?
We still have a strong culture of blaming the victim, and trying to excuse rape as understandable male behavior, it's usually more subtle than it used to be, but at times it's still glaring.
Sad but true, just take a gander at the threads on this topic in other forums!
Sad but true, just take a gander at the threads on this topic in other forums!
Ugh! I haven't seen them, but I can imagine. I don't know when, or if we will ever actually reach a zero tolerance toward rape.
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and their antics! That being said, I just don't get why most parenting conversations inevitably end up with the "kids will rebel against rules." My children have a choice, as do I, and I choose to set boundaries!
