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Old 03-20-2013, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,195 posts, read 5,706,859 times
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My kids aren't grown yet; they're 12 and 10.

I worked part time (30 hours per week) when my son was a baby, because I had to. Once he was 18 months old, I was able to stop. I got pregnant again right away and I've been home since... sort of. We homeschool, so I'm busy with that. I'm also busy because I started my own business (freelance writing) a few years ago. I work about 15 or sometimes 20 hours per week now and am secure in the knowledge that if I had to, I could increase my workload to 40 hours per week and support myself and my kids quite well. At this point, I don't have to, and I hope that I never will, but it's an option if I need it to be.

So I think I have the best of both worlds. I'd never give up those years with the little ones, where all I had to do was play and snuggle and read stories and go to Mommy and Me things! And I'm very thankful that I'm able to homeschool the kids. I'm also glad that I have been able to start my own business, attract clients, and establish myself in this industry, as it's something that I'll be able to continue once the kids are grown, from anywhere in the world with an Internet connection (one of our dreams is to travel!).

My own mother worked part time when we were little, then transitioned to full time as we got older; she has supported my decision to stay home and homeschool (and then to start working for myself when it suited me). DH's mother has always worked and thinks that kids don't need a SAHM; I know that she's glad that I'm working now. I really don't care what she had to say about it when they were little and I was home and not working, though.
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:50 PM
 
509 posts, read 586,346 times
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Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
i dont disagree, but what i mean is that everyone can find part time work in their field. it may not be EXACTLY what they used to do, it will not be exactly the same title or salary, but it can be in their field in some way. we may have to let ourselves be put on a lower rung, but that is a choice to be made.

take for instance an accountant. what if they used to work for a big corporation and had the title of Controller. now this person only wants to work part time. will they be Controller? NO. but they may decide to go and work for H&R Block on weekends or evenings or only during tax season.
maybe a financial analyst will decide to work in a bank part time--even as a teller if it suites the time restraints. these are the kinds of decisions we make as people who want to stay home with our kids but still want to work in our fields. they may never be head of anything again, or they may in time, but that is a chance some are willing to take.
My field of work, even kind of related, doesn't hire part time. I've worked at dozens of pharmaceutical companies, and I've never seen an ad or worked with someone who was part time. Contractor, yes, I've even done that myself. But that's still 40 hours a week. Some work from home, yes, again, I've done that when my kids were littler. But not part time. And even if it did, the child care would make working part time almost pointless.

Not every field lends itself to part time. And if I went to an entirely different field, it would negate the 10 years I've spent accumulating experience, which is a huge part of the reason I don't stay home.

Look, I think SAHMs are awesome. I think WOHMs are awesome. Everyone makes an individual choice for their specific circumstances and their family. I'm just really tired of the blanket statements that everyone can find a part time job, or everyone can stay home if they did such and such, or only women who work are ambitious (or is that the other thread?). There is no blanket statement. Everyone is in very individual circumstances and each mother is, I'm sure, just doing the best she can.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:38 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
My field of work, even kind of related, doesn't hire part time. I've worked at dozens of pharmaceutical companies, and I've never seen an ad or worked with someone who was part time. Contractor, yes, I've even done that myself. But that's still 40 hours a week. Some work from home, yes, again, I've done that when my kids were littler. But not part time. And even if it did, the child care would make working part time almost pointless.

Not every field lends itself to part time. And if I went to an entirely different field, it would negate the 10 years I've spent accumulating experience, which is a huge part of the reason I don't stay home.

Look, I think SAHMs are awesome. I think WOHMs are awesome. Everyone makes an individual choice for their specific circumstances and their family. I'm just really tired of the blanket statements that everyone can find a part time job, or everyone can stay home if they did such and such, or only women who work are ambitious (or is that the other thread?). There is no blanket statement. Everyone is in very individual circumstances and each mother is, I'm sure, just doing the best she can.
Amen!
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:40 PM
 
466 posts, read 814,352 times
Reputation: 477
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
My field of work, even kind of related, doesn't hire part time. I've worked at dozens of pharmaceutical companies, and I've never seen an ad or worked with someone who was part time. Contractor, yes, I've even done that myself. But that's still 40 hours a week. Some work from home, yes, again, I've done that when my kids were littler. But not part time. And even if it did, the child care would make working part time almost pointless.

Not every field lends itself to part time. And if I went to an entirely different field, it would negate the 10 years I've spent accumulating experience, which is a huge part of the reason I don't stay home.

Look, I think SAHMs are awesome. I think WOHMs are awesome. Everyone makes an individual choice for their specific circumstances and their family. I'm just really tired of the blanket statements that everyone can find a part time job, or everyone can stay home if they did such and such, or only women who work are ambitious (or is that the other thread?). There is no blanket statement. Everyone is in very individual circumstances and each mother is, I'm sure, just doing the best she can.
Can't rep you again, but amen!
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,223,092 times
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Do you think guys start thread questions like these and ask themselves if they didn't spend enough time with their kids vs their careers?
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:05 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,465,551 times
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Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Do you think guys start thread questions like these and ask themselves if they didn't spend enough time with their kids vs their careers?
i bet there are plenty of men who wish they could stay home with their kids and have their significant others go to work. i know there are may men who do just that.
but I do think that mostly it's the women who feel that maternal instinct to want to be with their baby. call me anti feminist if you like, but I am an absolute feminist. I think women should be able to do what they like
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,223,092 times
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Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
i bet there are plenty of men who wish they could stay home with their kids and have their significant others go to work. i know there are may men who do just that.
but I do think that mostly it's the women who feel that maternal instinct to want to be with their baby. call me anti feminist if you like, but I am an absolute feminist. I think women should be able to do what they like
Being a feminist is supposed to be about respecting whichever choice a woman makes, including the choice to be a mother to her children.

Any parent (man or woman) who stays home because he or she thinks it's important for the kids to have a parent there has my respect.
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:26 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,465,551 times
Reputation: 3884
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Being a feminist is supposed to be about respecting whichever choice a woman makes, including the choice to be a mother to her children.

Any parent (man or woman) who stays home because he or she thinks it's important for the kids to have a parent there has my respect.
that is exactly what i said.
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,223,092 times
Reputation: 73924
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
that is exactly what i said.
Yes, I know. And I couldn't rep you again. Sorry.
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Old 03-21-2013, 11:00 AM
 
509 posts, read 586,346 times
Reputation: 747
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
i bet there are plenty of men who wish they could stay home with their kids and have their significant others go to work. i know there are may men who do just that.
but I do think that mostly it's the women who feel that maternal instinct to want to be with their baby. call me anti feminist if you like, but I am an absolute feminist. I think women should be able to do what they like
I agree. My husband would absolutely love to stay home with our girls. He misses them during the day. At the same time, although he misses them when he travels for work, but I get anxiety about it and avoid it like anything, even if it means fewer training opportunities, etc. I think moms are different in how they feel and view being away from their kids, and society also tells us that we should feel guilty about it. Men are supposed to be the providers and women the caregivers. It's only in recent decades that that has been changing, so it's going to take time for the societal messages to change. I think men still take some flack if they are SAHDs. Although it's generally considered ok because we try to be PC, I think many people still have negative perceptions of a man who stays home.
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