Advice on how to ease moving to another state for teen/preteen? (party, legally)
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Hello, I'm looking for advice on making a move a little easier for my kids (particularly my oldest, who will be starting high school in the fall). Any posters out there that have some good tips on making the transition a little easier?
I have four kids: 7, 9, 12, 13
All have been on board with the possible move. For many reasons, this is a perfect time to move. My oldest will start high school and the 12-year-old will start at a new school next year anyway, so she isn't clinging on to her current situation. All kids are super excited (we just came back from a week-long vacation to Austin) - except for my 13-year-old son. All of a sudden, he is resisting. He's going through a "contrarian" phase, where he simply opposes lots of little things, with little rationale. I let a lot of it go, because I know it's part of the age (he turns 14 in a few weeks). Seeking a better environment for him (in an area where he can have more freedom and independence) is part of the reason we want to move. But that isn't going to be something he understands right now.
Anyway, given the new attitude, I am thinking it will be better to move a little earlier in the summer, so we can enroll the kids in summer programs and perhaps they'll know a few kids (and be more comfortable) before school starts.
Any good tips from other parents who've moved? Thanks!
Is your 13 yr old into sports? That eased the transition for my sons each time we moved (X 3). The coaches at his old school even sent letters of introduction on my oldest's behalf to the new coaches. I wouldn't necessarily try to move early in the summer, unless you can be assured of a spot in the programs, then yes, the first day of school is much easier if you have a couple of faces you recognize.
We toured the schools upon arrival in the new towns. One school set each boy up with a buddy to smooth the transition and make sure they weren't left sitting alone at lunch, but that was a mid-year move.
It has never been even close to the disaster my kids feared when they got the news we were moving. But, some unhappiness is to be expected, and you can't really do much about it.
Other posters will have wonderful suggestions about how to frame the move as a positive and exciting adventure. That's important. But I also want to encourage you to acknowledge how tough it is to make a move. Try to convey that you do understand how nervous he feels about facing the unknown and how sad he feels about leaving his home and friends.
At some point in the future, your kids will probably thank you for exposing them to different surroundings during their formative years. But you might have to hear some whining in the short term before that time comes.
Last edited by k9coach; 03-26-2013 at 02:35 PM..
Reason: nitpicking my wording
We moved 2000 miles one year ago with our then 13 year old 7th grader. We have spent a year exploring and are in the process of purchasing a home that will take us 50 miles from our current rental and into a whole new school system. DD is totally on board.
Note: DD is not an athlete so sports socialization was not going to be our key to success.
We moved with about 6 weeks to go in the school year and will be doing so again here in about a week. Some people feel that kids should finish out the school year but it was suggested to us that by moving mid year, your "new" kid gets to be the special kid not just one of the many in the mass of first day of school confusion. This proved to be true and when we started house hunting DD actually asked to move before the end of the year like we did last year.
We also wanted DD to have an opportunity to meet a few kids to do things with during the summer. She met a few and we were able to arrange some activities, sleep overs etc. that gave her some summer activities as well as friends to meet up on the first day of school at the end of the summer.
I contacted the perspective school a couple of weeks before our arrival. We were coming from out of state and wanted to make this a smooth transition. We had to get an immunization that was not required in our home state and the Texas school had to sort out her class assignments, grades and test scores to compare to theirs for proper placement. Our former school was very cooperative with the new school. DD's classes were picked out and assigned prior to our arrival as well as all her enrollment paper work had been done.
When we arrived to the first day of school, the counselor had assigned a couple of mentor kids with like interests for DD to hang out with, get the lay of the land etc. It was a very good experience for an overall stressful situation.
Other things we did:
we hosted a huge going away slumber party prior to our departure. We promised to send DD home for a visit this coming summer and last summer we were able to get her and her BFF together for a couple of weeks. We are busily working out this summer's schedule. She will be heading "home" to visit and two of her friends will be flying here to visit us.
We signed DD up for Girlscout camp which gave her an opportunity to meet some girls from her new home area too.
We had been to Austin to visit Schlitterbahn and other areas 5 years prior on vacation so the first thing we did was to purchase season passes to Schlitterbahn water park.
We spent many weekends exploring as well as many week days at the waterpark. Our trip to Big Top Candy Shop and Museum of the Weird were highlights for DD - check it out, perhaps your resistant son might be intrigued.
We spent a lot of time prior to leaving and after we left talking about how hard this was going to be and how hard it was. We were all scared but it was important to us that DD know we were not doing this to punish her or anything else, she knew this was a family necessity and she also knew we would do everything we could to help her transition. We encouraged her to invite her new friends places, we acknowledged that she was sad, heck I was sad, I miss my friends too. I miss my son, she misses her brother but we are coping. We are coping very well I think because we have allowed ourselves to be sad and then we suck it up and start to think of something positive or go find something to do and then we are better for awhile. The sad moments are further and further apart
Here we are a year later. We like it here, DD likes it here. DD has made friends and is really looking forward to the move to our new home.
Our oldest is a Sr in college, we had to leave him behind in school so transitioning DD was the main priority to us.
Good luck! I don't think any move is easy but we really treated this move as a new life adventure and that is how we continue to view our lives, one big adventure!
I made the huge mistake of starting school a week after I moved to Colorado.
My brother and I legally could wait to start school when school in our old state started, which was September, I started when co schools started, which was early August.
My mom and brother did nothing but go sight seeing while I was in school, since he decided on waiting. I really regret that.
Take them lots of places, see lots of things, do lots of stuff.
Keep them occupied till school starts.
Is your 13 yr old into sports? That eased the transition for my sons each time we moved (X 3). The coaches at his old school even sent letters of introduction on my oldest's behalf to the new coaches. I wouldn't necessarily try to move early in the summer, unless you can be assured of a spot in the programs, then yes, the first day of school is much easier if you have a couple of faces you recognize.
We toured the schools upon arrival in the new towns. One school set each boy up with a buddy to smooth the transition and make sure they weren't left sitting alone at lunch, but that was a mid-year move.
It has never been even close to the disaster my kids feared when they got the news we were moving. But, some unhappiness is to be expected, and you can't really do much about it.
Yes, he's into sports, scouts and a couple of other things. I was hoping that getting there early in the summer will allow him to get involved in these things without the stressful environment of high school grades, etc.
Sounds like you did a great job connecting your sons. Thanks for the tips.
Other posters will have wonderful suggestions about how to frame the move as a positive and exciting adventure. That's important. But I also want to encourage you to acknowledge how tough it is to make a move. Try to convey that you do understand how nervous he feels about facing the unknown and how sad he feels about leaving his home and friends.
At some point in the future, your kids will probably thank you for exposing them to different surroundings during their formative years. But you might have to hear some whining in the short term before that time comes.
Yes, I agree with you that it's important to acknowledge the fact that moving isn't easy. It's fine to miss old friends and to miss all that we are comfortable with. In our particular case, we moved two years ago about 40 minutes from one area to another, which to a kid, is a huge change. For various reasons (my kids going to a charter school that isn't super close to home and a few others) my kids haven't yet forged strong friendships in our new setting. This is why we are choosing to move now. So we aren't leaving a lifetime of friends, we aren't leaving family or a "hometown" where my kids were born. I think this is why it's been easy for my three other kids to be super excited about the move. I'm a little puzzled by my son's new resistance (aside from the fact that he seems to be having a fun time saying no to just about everything these days).
We moved 2000 miles one year ago with our then 13 year old 7th grader. We have spent a year exploring and are in the process of purchasing a home that will take us 50 miles from our current rental and into a whole new school system. DD is totally on board.
Note: DD is not an athlete so sports socialization was not going to be our key to success.
We moved with about 6 weeks to go in the school year and will be doing so again here in about a week. Some people feel that kids should finish out the school year but it was suggested to us that by moving mid year, your "new" kid gets to be the special kid not just one of the many in the mass of first day of school confusion. This proved to be true and when we started house hunting DD actually asked to move before the end of the year like we did last year.
We also wanted DD to have an opportunity to meet a few kids to do things with during the summer. She met a few and we were able to arrange some activities, sleep overs etc. that gave her some summer activities as well as friends to meet up on the first day of school at the end of the summer.
I contacted the perspective school a couple of weeks before our arrival. We were coming from out of state and wanted to make this a smooth transition. We had to get an immunization that was not required in our home state and the Texas school had to sort out her class assignments, grades and test scores to compare to theirs for proper placement. Our former school was very cooperative with the new school. DD's classes were picked out and assigned prior to our arrival as well as all her enrollment paper work had been done.
When we arrived to the first day of school, the counselor had assigned a couple of mentor kids with like interests for DD to hang out with, get the lay of the land etc. It was a very good experience for an overall stressful situation.
Other things we did:
we hosted a huge going away slumber party prior to our departure. We promised to send DD home for a visit this coming summer and last summer we were able to get her and her BFF together for a couple of weeks. We are busily working out this summer's schedule. She will be heading "home" to visit and two of her friends will be flying here to visit us.
We signed DD up for Girlscout camp which gave her an opportunity to meet some girls from her new home area too.
We had been to Austin to visit Schlitterbahn and other areas 5 years prior on vacation so the first thing we did was to purchase season passes to Schlitterbahn water park.
We spent many weekends exploring as well as many week days at the waterpark. Our trip to Big Top Candy Shop and Museum of the Weird were highlights for DD - check it out, perhaps your resistant son might be intrigued.
We spent a lot of time prior to leaving and after we left talking about how hard this was going to be and how hard it was. We were all scared but it was important to us that DD know we were not doing this to punish her or anything else, she knew this was a family necessity and she also knew we would do everything we could to help her transition. We encouraged her to invite her new friends places, we acknowledged that she was sad, heck I was sad, I miss my friends too. I miss my son, she misses her brother but we are coping. We are coping very well I think because we have allowed ourselves to be sad and then we suck it up and start to think of something positive or go find something to do and then we are better for awhile. The sad moments are further and further apart
Here we are a year later. We like it here, DD likes it here. DD has made friends and is really looking forward to the move to our new home.
Our oldest is a Sr in college, we had to leave him behind in school so transitioning DD was the main priority to us.
Good luck! I don't think any move is easy but we really treated this move as a new life adventure and that is how we continue to view our lives, one big adventure!
Thanks for the tips - yes, I plan to sign my daughter up for Girl Scout camp in our new area. She is super eager to make new friends, so she isn't the one I worry about.
Great suggestion on Schlitterbahn and Museum of the Weird - my son always begs to visit Ripley's Museum wherever there is one on our vacations, so he'll definitely be intrigued.
I am super impressed by your transition. That's a whole lot of change and it sounds like your family is doing great. I can only hope for a good transition :-)
I made the huge mistake of starting school a week after I moved to Colorado.
My brother and I legally could wait to start school when school in our old state started, which was September, I started when co schools started, which was early August.
My mom and brother did nothing but go sight seeing while I was in school, since he decided on waiting. I really regret that.
Take them lots of places, see lots of things, do lots of stuff.
Keep them occupied till school starts.
Great advice. I think that's what my clan likes best - discovering new places.
Nice blog, BTW!
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