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Old 04-07-2013, 10:30 PM
 
509 posts, read 584,281 times
Reputation: 747

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little-Acorn View Post
That's not spanking, it's child abuse.


That's not spanking, it's child abuse.


No, it is not abuse. That's spanking, and is the best method for disciplining a child. It must be started when the child iss very young, usually before 1 year old. I first spanked my son when he crawled over and started fingering an electrical socket out of curiosity. I grabbed his hand away from it, put on an angry face, pointed at the socket, shouted, "No, no!" at him, popped him on the diaper twice, pointed at the socket again, shouted "No, no!" again, and let him go.

He was astonished, of course, and went to tears immediately, as is inevitable. He was too young to understand the English words, but understood the fear and the pain... which was what I intended. I pointed again at the socket and said, "No, no!" again. My intention was to get across to him that if he did anything with anything that looked like that electrical socket, very bad things would immediately happen to him that he could not stop or avoid.

Maybe he never would have fiddled with a socket again, even without the spanking. But there's no reason to assume that, and lots of reason to assume he would. He was curious, just as any normal child is. And it was even possible that he might have found a stray paper clip or gum wrapper some day, and push it into the socket, again out of curiosity.

Spanking is unpleasant. But this instance may have saved his life. And that is why spanking is justified. I could not have explained to him WHY the socket was bad to play with. I could only make him very interested in avoiding any electrical sockets, from then on.

I also achieved something else: He had the conviction afterward, that when Daddy said No, he meant it, and if the boy did it anyway he knew he would wind up with a sore fanny. And so he became very interested in doing what Daddy said... and I never had to spank him again. (Well, once, when he toddled out into a street without looking. but that also was a once-only.)

Spanking when very young, when done right (i.e. no injury, with clear reasons pointed out, happens quickly and is over quickly), prevents dangerous behavior... and also prevents future spanking.

When done wrong, it is probably more destructive than halpful, and should not be done. If you let a child get away with bad behavior with no such instant punishment, and then a few years later spank him the next time he does it, he'll learn merely that occasionally the behavior gets him a punishment... but usually it doesn't.

If you merely try to explain to him why he should not do the bad behavior, many children will take that as an oportunity to talk you OUT of genuine punishment... and will learn quickly how to wrap you around his little finger. He certainly won't learn to do what you say, at least not until he reaches an age when his maturity is high enough to think of others more than he thinks of himself.


"Frustration" is absolutely the wrong reason for spanking. So is anger. A desire to get him to want to avoid the bad behavior without causing him any actual inury or long-term fear, is the reason for spanking.

This story hurts my heart and angers me, too.

You failed to child proof your home and ensure your child's safety, so you spanked your baby because he was naturally curious? That boggles my mind.

I would have slapped myself then gone out and purchased socket covers. Not hit a baby for finding a dangerous object I didn't protect him from.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:42 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,627,693 times
Reputation: 20851
The people rationalizing hitting their children in this thread are disgusting. Look at the mother who held her childs hand to a hot stove (but only a second or two) if you want to see where spanking leads. Oh, and her kid talks back? I wonder why. I hope to god he talks back to childrens services.

If you actually parent your children, you DON'T NEED TO HIT THEM.
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:13 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
10,582 posts, read 9,738,398 times
Reputation: 4172
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
This story hurts my heart and angers me, too.
Good. That means it got your attention.

Quote:
You failed to child proof your home
Where do you get that idea? Reconciling spanking with reason

Read. Reading is key.

Quote:
and ensure your child's safety,
Impossible, as any sensible person knows.

Quote:
so you spanked your baby because he was naturally curious?
No, because he was fiddling with an electrical socket. Anyone who does not do this INSTANTLY, is neglecting their child, and may find themselves responsible for their child's DEATH.

Quote:
That boggles my mind.
Those who are astonished easily, should be astonished regularly and often, until they learn to deal with the real world at last.

Quote:
I would have slapped myself then gone out and purchased socket covers.
If you hadn't already, then you would have deserved the slap... for starters.

Quote:
Not hit a baby for finding a dangerous object I didn't protect him from.
In addition to your other confusion, you also seem unable to distinguish between spanking and "hitting", which are two completely different things.

Suffice to say that you seem to have a lot to learn. I hope you catch up soon... for your child's sake.
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Old 04-08-2013, 02:28 AM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,908 posts, read 2,525,511 times
Reputation: 2493
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
So, you've spanked, smacked in the face, and hit the hand, as well as holding that hand against a hot oven. In other words, you've escalated the "lessons". Which is the problem with using corporal discipline in the first place.
I smacked his butt for running across the street. Can't remember ever spanking his butt again after that day.

I said I slapped his MOUTH. Have you ever slapped your hand over your open mouth? That is what I did to him and he was not a baby, but a school age child. I did this more than once. When the mouth offended me or someone else, it got popped.

He reached for the hot oven one time too many while being told not to. I held his hand on it and he felt the heat. No abuse.

By the time he was 7 or 8 he did not need any more smack-downs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by readyjack View Post
You are an abuser. You slap your child in the face, butt, hand. Hold his hand over a hot stove, and you knee'd him in the face, but you didn't mean to do it as hard as you did. You are an abuser.
Again, I popped him on his mouthy mouth. Never broke teeth, never cut his lips... never even left a mark.
Yup, he got his butt spanked when needed and his hands also. It was not a constant activity in our house.

I said I kneed him... in the place most guys don't want to be kneed. He did it to a smaller child and I was going to give him a small taste of the child's pain. (MY child sometimes needed to know what the pain felt like before he would stop doing something. Like biting. Did I mention I bit him? Ah, but that is already talked about in another thread.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
The people rationalizing hitting their children in this thread are disgusting. Look at the mother who held her childs hand to a hot stove (but only a second or two) if you want to see where spanking leads. Oh, and her kid talks back? I wonder why. I hope to god he talks back to childrens services.

If you actually parent your children, you DON'T NEED TO HIT THEM.
My 'kid' is 30 years old now. He never felt the need to call children's services (even tho - ooooh wait for this one... he knew/knows I smoke pot) because I am a loving and caring mother who did what I thought was best for my child.

Each of you is free to spank or not, yell or not, swear or not. I really don't care what your parenting methods are. The choice is yours.

My 'parenting' days are long gone.

You want to call it abuse? Fine.

My son and I see things differently.
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Old 04-08-2013, 03:05 AM
 
509 posts, read 584,281 times
Reputation: 747
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little-Acorn View Post
Good. That means it got your attention.


Where do you get that idea? Reconciling spanking with reason

Read. Reading is key.


Impossible, as any sensible person knows.


No, because he was fiddling with an electrical socket. Anyone who does not do this INSTANTLY, is neglecting their child, and may find themselves responsible for their child's DEATH.


Those who are astonished easily, should be astonished regularly and often, until they learn to deal with the real world at last.


If you hadn't already, then you would have deserved the slap... for starters.


In addition to your other confusion, you also seem unable to distinguish between spanking and "hitting", which are two completely different things.

Suffice to say that you seem to have a lot to learn. I hope you catch up soon... for your child's sake.
Oh, I have a lot to learn because I don't spank my children for my failures and promote spanking of babies? Or maybe I just don't agree with you. That doesn't mean I have something to learn.

My children are fine even though I don't spank. They are alive and not electrocuted. But then, I have covers for our electrical sockets. Amazing what looking out for your child's safety will do. No study proves that not spanking a child INSTANTLY causes DEATH. (To be equally as dramatic as you.) A parent who doesn't spank isn't sitting there watching their child do dangerous things going, oh, well, since I don't spank, nothing I can do.

Suffice it to say, I believe hitting and spanking are one and the same. Just different words. It's ok for me to believe this, and it doesn't mean I'm confused or that my children will die.

If you are so secure with what you did, then I don't see why my response got to you so very much that you had to be so condescending and insulting? Why does it matter what I think if you were right? What you said about me and my parenting (basically that I'm inept and will someday cause my children's death) doesn't bother me any.
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:47 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,946,607 times
Reputation: 27090
many parents are too busy on their ipods and cell phone to parent or disipline these days . everywhere I go I see parents letting their kids run like hellions up and down grocery store aisles and screaming and holleirng and where they could knock down an elderly person and then when that elderly person has to go to the hospital it will be some of you same parents who dont spank asking why are you suing us ? instead of reigning your kids in because you are too busy having a conversation or tweeting with sister suzy to disipline your kids . I would have never dared acted the way some little kids and those entitled teenagers of today act . Guess what I actually have manners and can carry on a conversation and respect my elders . So get off those ipods and cell phones people , parents and disipline your kids yes and sometimes kids do benefit from a swat on the behind . All of you who are non spankers and carrying on so I would love to see your kids in ten years telling all of you what to do . Dont tell me it wont happen i have seen it in my own family .
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 8,145,898 times
Reputation: 4839
Having been through 2 marriages with stepkids and my own son I must say I really don't think spanking helps behavior after the toddler age. Letting them know spanking is an option yes. Actual hitting they just get used to. Nice when they get teens and you can threaten "back on the school bus. Give me the car keys".
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Beavercreek, OH
2,194 posts, read 3,825,656 times
Reputation: 2353
Hi all--

I was spanked as a kid and I turned out just fine.

I have one friend who simply doesn't have the heart to spank her six year old. The kid is completely intractable and simply doesn't listen no matter how many times we try reasoning, interventions, and "the talk." The kid admits it's wrong, and then does it again fifteen minutes later anyway. We've tried time-out, we've tried withholding allowance money, we've tried losing toys, we cancelled I don't know how many activities because of the kid's misbehavior. And yet it continues.

I keep telling the friend she needs to bust the kid's butt. It hasn't happened, yet. At some point, no amount of talking will sink in and you have to resort to other means.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:29 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,110,362 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulani View Post
I smacked his butt for running across the street. Can't remember ever spanking his butt again after that day.

I said I slapped his MOUTH. Have you ever slapped your hand over your open mouth? That is what I did to him and he was not a baby, but a school age child. I did this more than once. When the mouth offended me or someone else, it got popped.

He reached for the hot oven one time too many while being told not to. I held his hand on it and he felt the heat. No abuse.

By the time he was 7 or 8 he did not need any more smack-downs.



Again, I popped him on his mouthy mouth. Never broke teeth, never cut his lips... never even left a mark.
Yup, he got his butt spanked when needed and his hands also. It was not a constant activity in our house.

I said I kneed him... in the place most guys don't want to be kneed. He did it to a smaller child and I was going to give him a small taste of the child's pain. (MY child sometimes needed to know what the pain felt like before he would stop doing something. Like biting. Did I mention I bit him? Ah, but that is already talked about in another thread.)



My 'kid' is 30 years old now. He never felt the need to call children's services (even tho - ooooh wait for this one... he knew/knows I smoke pot) because I am a loving and caring mother who did what I thought was best for my child.

Each of you is free to spank or not, yell or not, swear or not. I really don't care what your parenting methods are. The choice is yours.

My 'parenting' days are long gone.

You want to call it abuse? Fine.

My son and I see things differently.
Do you think it would be different because he had behavioral issues to start with (something I've seen you mention in the past)? I don't know if that kind of discipline would be better or worse for children with those kinds of challenges, but it's food for thought when it comes to technique. I grew up with a twin brother and he never bit other kids, or kneed other kids, etc. But, if you have an out of control child maybe getting on their level (within reason) can work if they are unable to handle reasoned communication and messages.
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Old 04-08-2013, 10:29 AM
 
1,026 posts, read 1,186,791 times
Reputation: 1794
We chose not to spank our child, although my husband and I were both spanked as children. My father sometimes let his anger get the best of him and crossed the line into abuse.

My daughter is a sweet, kind-hearted, well-behaved honors student. She has never darted in a street, played with matches, or stuck her finger in a socket. She is respectful of her elders and her peers.

I certainly can't state that she is that way because I did not spank her, but it is entirely possible to raise a great child without spanking, just as it is possible to raise a great child who has been spanked.

I do not judge those who decide to spank their children, but I am baffled when I see my brother spank his son and say "We do not hit!" when my nephew hits his brother. I can't imagine how his little brain processes that.
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