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Old 10-28-2007, 09:19 PM
 
Location: NEW YORK
30 posts, read 149,145 times
Reputation: 20

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HI ALL, THIS LAST MONTHS HAVE BEEN CRAZY IN OUR FAMILY, WE MOVED TO A NEW HOUSE THE FINISHING OF IT AND DECORATION HAVE BEEN SLOWER THAN WE'D HOPED FOR.
FIRST WE LIVED IN A ONE BEDROOM IN NYC, (WE DECIDED TO BUILD A HOUSE TO HAVE MORE ROOM BECAUSE OF OUR SON) THEN HAD TO MOVE FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS IN TO MY IN-LAWS (ALL IN ONE BEDROOM) AND NOW THAT WE HAVE FINALLY MOVED TO OUR NEW HOME MY SON IS ALREADY 13 MONTHS OLD AND HIS ROOM WILL FINALLY BE READY FOR HIM TO MOVE IN SOON. HE STILL SLEEPING IN OUR BEDROOM (HIS CRIB) BUT NOW HE KNOWS THAT AS SOON AS HE CRIES OR WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT HE GOES TO BED WITH US (SEVERAL REASONS, IS EASY, WE ARE TIRED AND WE LOVE TO HAVE HIM IS OUR ONLY SON) WE KNOW IS NOT ALL RIGHT BUT NOW HE IS VERY DEPENDENT ON THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START AND ALSO I'M SO USED TO HAVE HIM NEAR THAT IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TOO BUT DH AND I HAVE TALK ABOUT IT AND IS TIME FOR HIM TO MOVE TO HIS OWN ROOM...

I REALLY NEED ADVISE ON HOW TO MAKE THE TRANSITION, OUR BEDROOM IS IN THE FIRST FLOOR AND HIS, THE GUEST BEDROOM AND THE DEN (PLAY AREA) ARE IN THE SECOND FLOOR.

ANY ADVISE IN HOW TO MAKE HIM SLEEP IN HIS OWN ROOM, ANY TECHNIQUES OR SOMETHING... AS YOU CAN SEE I'M REALLY LOST HERE. PLEASE HELP!
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Old 10-28-2007, 10:45 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
9,362 posts, read 22,340,267 times
Reputation: 9263
Make a big deal about his room being ready, get him involved in putting all of his toys in there, including his favorite snuggly. Tell him that his snuggly sleeps in that room and wants him to come and sleep with her. Whenever you take him in the room give a big greeting to all of hs stuffed animals.

There may be some crying, but stay upbeat and tell him that snuggly and the rest of his toys all want him to come in and sleep with them...

Whatever you do, don't let him smell your insecurity over the whole thing....and stick to your guns.

If it doesn't work, you may just need to go through a couple of nights of crying it out.



That said, our first son slept with us for quite a while....it worked well for us, as we didn't mind. Our second liked having his own room and would never even fall alseep in my bed when I was nursing him.
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Old 10-29-2007, 04:26 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,526,733 times
Reputation: 19578
I agree with above poster HIF ^^^^^^^^^^ I was in a similar situation for a while, but even worse, I think. There was my husband and I in my room, and my son was sleeping with us. Crib in the room. I was pregnant. We set up the toddler bed. Made the big deal...oh hes a big kid, all his fav stuff.... the crib was being trans for a newborn.

My son ended up sleeping with my mother, and he loved that, he was just under 2yo. I had my dd and she slept in the crib from 10 days old. (she had to stay in the hosp)

But for my ds, it was hard. There was crying for several days, and unfortunately, thats what will probably happen and you just cant go get the child or it will go on forever.

Same with a paci... I learned. LOL
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Old 10-29-2007, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,168,876 times
Reputation: 1256
By this age you have provided a "habit" of sleeping with you (just like a pacifier is a habit)

You will probably have to do cry it out (after all the good suggestions on making it a big deal to have your own room) - Get "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Weissman

OR you will just have to have him with you til he's emotionally and mentally mature to do this on his own - which might not be til he's 3.
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Old 10-29-2007, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 5,954,304 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CONNOR'SMAMA View Post
(SEVERAL REASONS, IS EASY, WE ARE TIRED AND WE LOVE TO HAVE HIM IS OUR ONLY SON) WE KNOW IS NOT ALL RIGHT BUT NOW HE IS VERY DEPENDENT ON THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START AND ALSO I'M SO USED TO HAVE HIM NEAR THAT IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TOO BUT DH AND I HAVE TALK ABOUT IT AND IS TIME FOR HIM TO MOVE TO HIS OWN ROOM...
Well, it sounds to me like you and he both really enjoy sleeping together. If so, why are you so eager to move him? It is completely fine to continue co-sleeping if you are happy with the situation. Perhaps you have the feeling that he is "supposed" to sleep in his own room because that's what people do in the US. But there is no reason that you have to move him. Humans are social creatures and take comfort in the presence of others. I don't like to sleep alone either. I sleep with my daughter who is 17 months old, and I do not have intentions to stop until she is older.

If you decide that you really do want to move him, this book might be helpful. It is written for co-sleeping families, so the advice will be more targeted to your situation.
Amazon.com: Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!): Books: Maria Goodavage,Jay Gordon

Here is a recent article in the NY Times about co-sleeping, quoting a section of note:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/23/he...ml?ref=science

In a paper last month in Infant and Child Development, Dr. Dyer proposed that co-sleeping families fall into three distinct categories. There are intentional co-sleepers ó those who sleep with their children because they want to breast-feed for a long stretch and believe bed sharing is good for a childís well-being and emotional development. Another group is reactive co-sleepers, those parents who donít really want to sleep with their kids, but do so because they canít get their children to sleep any other way or because financial hardship requires them to share a room with a child.

And then there is a third group that she tentatively calls circumstantial co-sleepers ó parents who sleep with their children occasionally because of circumstances like sharing a bed on a family vacation, during a thunderstorm or because the child is sick.

Bed sharing is most likely of greatest concern among reactive co-sleepers, Dr. Dyer says, because the practice is essentially forced on parents. In those cases, the practice is likely to be stressful for both parent and child.


I am part of the first group - "intentional co-sleepers". Which group are you?
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Old 10-29-2007, 12:59 PM
 
Location: St Augustine
604 posts, read 4,247,649 times
Reputation: 350
My son was waking up each night around 18mos and I was taking him to our bed b/c I needed sleep, but we were getting ready for a trip and my mom was going to watch him and I couldn't do that to here so we did the ferber thing where you let them cry a little more each time. It will be a loonngg week w/ out much sleep, but I did the "ferberizing" method w/ my own 2 and it worked.
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Old 10-29-2007, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,978,630 times
Reputation: 720
I know it is hard, but let him cry it out. I did this with my daughter when she was 10 1/2 months old. It was hard and I felt bad. The first night she cried for about 2 hours. I'd go to the door about every 10 minutes and talk to her, but not pick her up. The second night she cried about 1 hour. Then it got shorter and shorter. The crying only lasted about 1 week, then she was great. She is still a wonderful sleeper and she's 8 years old.
If you can't listen to the crying, go outside or turn on the radio or something. It will be worth it in the end! You'll have a great sleeper!!
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Old 10-29-2007, 08:11 PM
 
Location: NEW YORK
30 posts, read 149,145 times
Reputation: 20
Default Thank You So Much For Your Reply

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
Well, it sounds to me like you and he both really enjoy sleeping together. If so, why are you so eager to move him? It is completely fine to continue co-sleeping if you are happy with the situation. Perhaps you have the feeling that he is "supposed" to sleep in his own room because that's what people do in the US. But there is no reason that you have to move him. Humans are social creatures and take comfort in the presence of others. I don't like to sleep alone either. I sleep with my daughter who is 17 months old, and I do not have intentions to stop until she is older.


In a paper last month in Infant and Child Development, Dr. Dyer proposed that co-sleeping families fall into three distinct categories. There are intentional co-sleepers ó those who sleep with their children because they want to breast-feed for a long stretch and believe bed sharing is good for a childís well-being and emotional development. Another group is reactive co-sleepers, those parents who donít really want to sleep with their kids, but do so because they canít get their children to sleep any other way or because financial hardship requires them to share a room with a child.

And then there is a third group that she tentatively calls circumstantial co-sleepers ó parents who sleep with their children occasionally because of circumstances like sharing a bed on a family vacation, during a thunderstorm or because the child is sick.

Bed sharing is most likely of greatest concern among reactive co-sleepers, Dr. Dyer says, because the practice is essentially forced on parents. In those cases, the practice is likely to be stressful for both parent and child.


I am part of the first group - "intentional co-sleepers". Which group are you?
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU I LOVE OUR CHILD SLEEPING WITH US IT JUST MAKES ME HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO OPEN MY EYES AND SEE HIS SWEET LITTLE PERSON SLEEPING RIGHT THERE NEXT TO US, IT IS A TRUE MIRACLE TO BE ABLE TO GIVE LIFE TO A HUMAN BEING BECOMING A PARENT IS BY FAR THE BEST EXPERIENCE AND THE MOST AWESOME LEARNING EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE AND TRUTHFULLY I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT.
THE REASON WE WANT HIM TO GO IN TO HIS OWN BEDROOM IS BECAUSE I LIVED THAT, I CO-SLEPT WITH MY PARENTS UNTIL I WAS OLD ENOUGH "TO UNDERSTAND" AND WHEN THEY WANTED TO MOVE ME IN TO MY OWN BEDROOM IT WAS VERY TRAUMATIC FOR ME I STILL REMEMBER VERY WELL AND IT WASN'T ONLY A WEEK OF CRYING OR NOT ONLY A COUPLE OF HOURS A NIGHT. AFTER THAT I WAS TERRIFIED AND MY LITTLE BABY BROTHER HAD TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM, THEN I NEEDED A LIGHT ON AND THE TV ETC GOES ON AND ON.......LONG STORY SHORT, I WOULD LIKE TO DO IT FOR HIM BEFORE HE HAS MORE NOTION OF THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAN I DO OR WHAT IS BETTER FOR HIM BUT I WOULDN'T LIKE HIM TO REMEMBER HOW HE CRIED AND BEG NEXT TO THE BEDROOM DOOR WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS BETTER FOR HIM, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EXPLAIN MY POINT YOU WILL BE THE PERSON THAT IS ABLE TO UNDERSTAND MORE BECAUSE YOU ARE LIVING THIS, HOW WOULD YOU DO IT WHEN IS TIME??
THANKS FOR THE READING MATERIAL
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Old 10-29-2007, 08:21 PM
 
Location: NEW YORK
30 posts, read 149,145 times
Reputation: 20
Thanks So Much To All For Your Replies And The Tips I Know Is Going To Be Hard I Just Finished Putting All His Clothes In His Bedroom And This Week We Are Going To Place All His Stuffed Animals And Other Toys In The Bedroom Lol I'm Making It Loooong But You Have Helped Me A Lot To Put My Mind At Ease When He Cries He Breaks My Heart And I Give In And Now You've Given Me The Strength That I Needed To Know That If A Let Him Cry For A Little While I Am Not A Bad Mommy Lol (how Dramatic) But Is True Is Pure Drama We Are Going To Get Ready For The Change And In The Next Weeks We'll Try It Out. Thanks
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Old 10-29-2007, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,285,647 times
Reputation: 1154
You don't have to cry it out - I personally could never do that with any of my kids. You could instead go in baby steps, first maybe try a mattress on the floor right next to you instead of doing the crib, then gradually move that mattress away from your bed, and then finally over to his own room. My now 5 year old did well with this approach. He still would awaken on occasion and come into our bed in the middle of the night, but my husband and I were fine with that. I believe in doing things on my child's natural timetable rather than on my own. I tried the "mainstream" approach with my oldest with many things in parenting and it was horrible - so much needless crying and conflict. There is much more peace in our home these days by following the natural cues and progression of things with the children. Hope this helps you.
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