Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-26-2013, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,195 posts, read 5,686,078 times
Reputation: 12337

Advertisements

We coslept, so we had this issue when my son was two and my daughter was on the way. what we ended up doing was putting his toddler bed in our bedroom. He was happy because he was in our room, and I was happy because the new baby was able to cosleep safely.

They all outgrow this eventually; when they're bigger, they don't want to sleep with mom and dad anymore.

The suggestion to get her a bigger bed and to lay with her for a little while at night is a good one, too! Maybe have your husband do the laying with her, though, because once the new babe is born, you might not be available to lay with your daughter at the time that she goes to bed, particularly if you're breastfeeding. If you're not, though, then you could keep up that special time with her and let your husband hold/feed the baby at that time.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-26-2013, 08:36 PM
 
6,293 posts, read 10,539,142 times
Reputation: 7505
You could talk to her pediatrician about giving her melatonin until she gets into a good sleep habit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 11:27 AM
 
30 posts, read 41,236 times
Reputation: 31
I was a teen mom with my first son and my grandmother was adamant that I not allow him to sleep in my bed. She said what I started I had to continue and my little one would end up coming between my husband and myself. Thank God for her wisdom on that and everything else. Of course with 7 children, she had to get them sleeping in their own beds, and following rules, quick, fast, and in a hurry.

I would just put her in her own bed, check on her every now and then, definitely not every few minutes, and then go back to my bed. She'll live through her tantrums, through her screaming, through her jumping on the bed. If she learns, and she probably has, that screaming will manipulate mom and dad, then she'll scream until the cows come home. As long as it works she'll do it. Once it stops working, she'll stop doing it.

I believe it's healthy for a child to be upset - including crying - if they don't get their way. I think it builds understanding and acceptance that the world will not always revolve around them and they no matter how upset they get, they'll be ok in the end. They also learn manipulation doesn't work. A resilient adult starts in childhood.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2013, 07:53 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,129,204 times
Reputation: 17797
So I thought better of complete honesty because this particular opinion is generally not well received on this board. But then thought I would throw this out there and wear my flame retardant suit. If you are happy with co-sleeping, rock on. If you are not, or if there are any lurkers who groan internally at the notion that their child WON'T sleep without it, then maybe my opinions will be of some value.

Sleep is a necessary part of ever human (animal) life. For whatever reason, that which we recognize as temper tantrum by day suddenly becomes fear or need for comfort or whatever when it happens in a crib after 7:00pm.

By temper tantrum, I do not mean that they are misbehaving. I mean that they are PISSED. They want you to come in here and make it better for them. Just like when they want that cookie before dinner they aren't really being bad. They just want that cookie So Damned Bad that it just makes them want to CRY. And cry they do. But just like, as the a parent, we know that they don't need the cookie before dinner, and that the cookie is not good for them before dinner, as the a parent, we know that they can sleep. They have the ability to learn to get over a schedule for cookie consumption that is not ideal to their desires. They have the ability to learn a sleep habit that is better for the entire family, and I would suggest for them as well.

You do the best you can with scheduling. If the land lord family is going out of town, GREAT. You can talk to them in advance and ask them if they are willing and able to tolerate your family's habit change for period x. If it takes more than a week, on the outside, I would be a monkey's uncle.

Re-read the section in the Ferber on sleep association and the precise method. Not that there is anything special about that method except that it gives a sense of structure and purpose to your approach. You have read the book before so it may resonate with you. Do it. Stick with it. Until DONE. Waffling simply reinforces that the louder and harder she screams, eventually you will cave, which gives her great incentive to ratchet up the volume. Dollars gets you donuts your daughter is not dumb!

When the child is able to achieve sleep on their own, then they are able to get their needed rest regardless of the availability of their grown ups to spend a bunch of time GETTING them into that state. That sounds like something that might be useful to you.

Congratulations on your lovely child and the upcoming baby!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 12:16 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 5,289,490 times
Reputation: 6149
What we did: from the get-go, they slept in their own bed, as in the first day home from the hospital.

It was never a problem, but I can say that even if it had been, I'd had no hesitation towards even shutting their door all the way to where they physically would have been unable to get out of the room. (To those who say "what about a fire," I would say a child rambling through the house at night when everyone is asleep prevents more of a hazard of that than with them in their room away from the matches & so forth in the kitchen etc.) Also, I sleep with a fan running, so I'd heard nothing and slept just fine (a baby monitor was present in case). Their rooms were child-proof, no sharp edges on furniture, no choking hazards, so the odds of them hurting themselves in there were practically zero had we needed to go that route. (Granted, we don't live in an apartment in the city like you do, so neighbors were not an issue.) If I noticed in a post that your landlord is going to be gone for a few days, if that means no one will be around to complain about the noise, I say go for it. Let them learn that no matter how loud they protest, it's of no use, it's their room and the discussion is closed. They'll learn. They'll be mad--so what? Parenting isn't about making your kids LIKE you anyway.

It can't be a thing of that you say "you need to sleep in here" but that they win by being insistent. They must encounter "brick wall city" in that you will NOT negotiate the point, there are to sleep in their own room and that's it. You have to absolutely play hardball on this, no negotiating, no reasoning, no giving any validity to their protests in the LEAST, but just simply "this is what we say, and that's it." I never did the door-shut thing with my kids, but let me tell you, our girl, there was a phase she went through around age 3 or so where she wouldn't want to go to bed and she'd protest "I don't want to go to bed" and she would be hard-ball stubborn about it. I'd get that loud booming voice going, physically PUT her in the bed even hold her DOWN in it for a bit and declare "I don't CARE what you want! I'm your father, what I say goes, period! It's bedtime, if I catch you out of that bed I'll tear your butt up! If you want to get the worst spanking EVER, I DARE you to get up and see what happens!!" And if she got up, I most certainly would, within SECONDS.

You can call it "might makes right," but it worked, to me that's all that matters. It long ago ceased to be an issue, and she's a very happy girl who willingly goes to bed in her own room when told, and laughs and giggles and hugs me and mommy while doing so. I haven't had to assume that type of demeanor with bedtime in probably 3 years.

There are times you've got to show them who's boss, and be the proverbial brick wall, and frankly make them scared to mess with you. This is one of those times.

LRH
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 12:24 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,990,220 times
Reputation: 62661
The ONLY time my kids ever slept in my bed with me is the day we came home from the hospital. I immediately went and slept in my own bed for a few hours and they slept with me. After that they went immediately into their own beds in the dark with no night lights, no music, no vibrating light up stuffed toys. They slept to the normal sounds of our household since we were still up doing chores, watching television, etc. None of my children have sleep issues and have never had sleep issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 12:26 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,455,213 times
Reputation: 22471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Let her sleep in your bed. You go sleep in her bed. Pretty soon she will want to sleep in her bed.
That actually works pretty well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 12:32 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,455,213 times
Reputation: 22471
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We coslept, so we had this issue when my son was two and my daughter was on the way. what we ended up doing was putting his toddler bed in our bedroom. He was happy because he was in our room, and I was happy because the new baby was able to cosleep safely.

They all outgrow this eventually; when they're bigger, they don't want to sleep with mom and dad anymore.

The suggestion to get her a bigger bed and to lay with her for a little while at night is a good one, too! Maybe have your husband do the laying with her, though, because once the new babe is born, you might not be available to lay with your daughter at the time that she goes to bed, particularly if you're breastfeeding. If you're not, though, then you could keep up that special time with her and let your husband hold/feed the baby at that time.

Good luck!
True -- they're babies for such a very short time, I never understand the rush to get them on their own.

Somewhere after age two, they outgrow the "family bed" and prefer having their own space but why not just savor the time you have with them? So the baby wants to cuddle with parents for a bit more time, soon they won't.

Sleep doesn't have to be made into a big issue, it doesn't have to involve discipline.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 12:57 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
1,248 posts, read 2,157,899 times
Reputation: 2534
I agree with the poster who suggested the Dr. Sears method. I have not personally had to use it, but I have friends who swear by it. Don't make not sleeping in their own bed into a punishment thing because then they will have a negative association with sleeping. That is the last thing you want. I also agree with the posters who said maybe the bed is an issue. Try a "big kid" bed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2013, 01:27 AM
 
823 posts, read 1,047,896 times
Reputation: 2027
When she falls asleep in your bed, are you in there with her the whole time or is she ok drifting off on her own if she's in that space? Are you able to transfer her easily once she falls asleep? Is it possible her room is on the cool side (you mention the ice cold floor) and she's waking up in the night after kicking the bedclothes off?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top