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Old 05-02-2013, 08:45 PM
 
15,758 posts, read 13,184,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Well I think it does matter. If its a bio child then they are purposefully bringing a child into a less than ideal situation whereas if its an adopted child then they are taking the child out of a worse situation (single parent home is better than no home)

I agree that economics does make the biggest difference.
Why is the assumption that the adoptee would have no home? That would only apply for older children really. Infants, toddlers etc likely would not be sitting in foster care they would just be adopted by someone else. Which them begs the question, if two parents are better why would a single parent permanent home beat a two parent foster home.
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Old 05-02-2013, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,229,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Why is the assumption that the adoptee would have no home? That would only apply for older children really. Infants, toddlers etc likely would not be sitting in foster care they would just be adopted by someone else. Which them begs the question, if two parents are better why would a single parent permanent home beat a two parent foster home.
Thats why I said older childen in my previous post, just forgot to put it in that post.

Surely it would be better to be in a permanent home rather than a foster home?
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
In the case of adoption the child is already for some reason being deprived of their biological family/parents anyway. So long as the individual adopting them is willing, able, & well-prepared to meet the needs of an adopted child (which may include helping them grieve the loss of bio family & information) I don't think it is selfish for a single-parent to adopt.

Now in the case of anonymous donor conception you are unnecessarily creating a life with the intention of keeping their father or mother & half their biological family a secret no matter how that may negatively impact them. In that case, yes, I do think there is a selfish element to that choice. We are just now beginning to hear stories of people who were conceived via anonymous donors & the challenges they have experienced because of it.
In regards to this, it now seems to be common to hire an anonymous surrogate to carry a baby created from eggs/sperm of anonymous donors.

In regards to donor sperm, I have heard that quite a high percentage of children are never told that they are the result of donor sperm. I don't think that is right. I think one should tell their children the truth. One's child isn't going to love one any less, so just be honest.
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:49 AM
 
1,024 posts, read 954,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
In regards to this, it now seems to be common to hire an anonymous surrogate to carry a baby created from eggs/sperm of anonymous donors.

In regards to donor sperm, I have heard that quite a high percentage of children are never told that they are the result of donor sperm. I don't think that is right. I think one should tell their children the truth. One's child isn't going to love one any less, so just be honest.
I agree. People who were conceived via donors should have access to factual information regarding their birth. Parents should not be enabled to lie about these things & IMO it is very selfish to do that, too.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-03-2013 at 08:06 AM..
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:15 AM
 
15,758 posts, read 13,184,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Thats why I said older childen in my previous post, just forgot to put it in that post.

Surely it would be better to be in a permanent home rather than a foster home?

So your order of criteria to be good parents is:

1. Possession of adoption paper to ensure permanence (despite the fact many children live in the same foster homes their entire lives).

2. Two parents.


Got it.

Still not sure why quality of potential home of adopted kids are not held to the same standard as every one else....
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:07 PM
 
Location: USA
1,895 posts, read 4,041,886 times
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Yes, I think it's selfish.
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Florida
862 posts, read 1,168,615 times
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Yes it's selfish, children need their mother and father in the same household. Of course there may be exceptions when one of the parents is mentally insane or messed up in some way (alcoholic, or abusive, etc.)
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,434,760 times
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As long as the single mother or father is fit to be a parent and can afford it. Its up to them. No one's business.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:00 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,229,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
So your order of criteria to be good parents is:

1. Possession of adoption paper to ensure permanence (despite the fact many children live in the same foster homes their entire lives).

2. Two parents.


Got it.

Still not sure why quality of potential home of adopted kids are not held to the same standard as every one else....
Do many children live in the same foster home their entire lives? I honestly don't know what the percentages are compared to those who move from home to home.

I'm pretty sure the quality of potential homes for adopted kids are held to a much higher standard than every one else, they have to be investigated thoroughly whereas any idiot can have a baby. It took my parents years to make the adoption of my brothers final.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:10 AM
 
Location: California
29,609 posts, read 31,931,623 times
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I laugh at this, as if it's NOT selfish to have kids under any circumstance. Everyone who wants a kid wants one for selfish reasons..ie: they WANT a kid. It's not a bad thing, it's what drives the human race. People who are making a distinction here between "my perfect family fantasy" and everyone else are really silly. Just like the word "convenience" when discussing abortion the word "selfish" only takes on a negative meaning when you apply it to others, never yourself.
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