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I am sorry to hear of this situation. I would let him know gently that it is not him or the girlfriend but the parents and as long as the girl is a minor then he cannot date her. This does not mean not to talk to her or be a friend to her and talk to her outside of school or while in school. Let him know that there are people out there in life that need to have control over everything and it appears that the parents of the girl are those people. They are worried about the girl and him getting to serious at such a young age and getting her heart broken by him or vice versa. Let him know that if he truly has love for her that they will find their way back to each other and with heart stopping love it starts always with a great friendship. Go out and date other girls so that if their love was meant to be that they can come back to each other and know that they were meant to be together.
I would then call the parents back and let them know that you told your son that they were not going to be girlfriend or boyfriend but that they are only friends. The kids will still talk and say hi to each other this cannot change, this is not stalking or anything of the such this is just being a great human being. If they do not want this for their daughter then they need to move and get out of your son's life. Their behavior can be construed as a stalking behavior towards your son since he just being a nice boy with no bad intentions.
Was she still studying? If so it was their absolute right to do it. Even though there's no need to get the other parents involved at that stage. It's the child's job to break up.
My parents had me under their thumb, to a point, until I finished college because they were paying for it. They would never have dreamed of telling me I couldn't date. Making rules like that only drives the adult children away. It doesn't earn the parents any respect. It doesn't teach the adult child anything. It is only destructive to the parent-child relationship. Even for people who think it is within the parent's "right" to control their adult child's life, I'm curious as to why they even think it would be a good idea.
My parents had me under their thumb, to a point, until I finished college because they were paying for it. They would never have dreamed of telling me I couldn't date. Making rules like that only drives the adult children away. It doesn't earn the parents any respect. It doesn't teach the adult child anything. It is only destructive to the parent-child relationship. Even for people who think it is within the parent's "right" to control their adult child's life, I'm curious as to why they even think it would be a good idea.
After university they will have all the time in the world to destroy their lives. Until then, their only job is to study.
No very rounded or capable of human connection. I would not choose to raise an automaton whose only capacity was for study. Interpersonal relationships are the bread and butter of life, far more so than work and academics. Being stilted there is far more damaging. Not to mention that most people can handle a personal life and school at the same time with little effort.
I remember in HS a girl whos parents would not allow her to "be out after dark"...thinking they were keeping her on the straight and narrow....little did they understand that she was the "neighborhood freebie" during day light hours to just about anyone who wanted some....guess the moral of that story is where there is a will, there is a way...........................
I've taught numerous students, of both sexes, over the years whose parents are like this. Boys aren't allowed to date, but, damn, they find a way to pretty much get laid when they want. Girls, too.
I remember one girl whose parents came in at the beginning of the year with their "Rules For The Daughter's Classes". The most egregious ones were that she was not to be seated near or have as a lab/group partner any male (I asked what if the boy was gay. The Principal chatted with me after that one), the VP in the cafeteria was to make sure she sat only with girls. Any boy who approached the table was to be intercepted by a staff member and redirected. She was excused from PE because the classes are co-ed and the parents didn't want her to be seen in the "skimpy and inappropriate" gym uniform. She was also excused from the Sex-Ed piece of Health class (we also had a boy who was excused from that, his mother didn't want him exposed to birth control ideas. This was his senior year after he'd fathered 3 (count'em 3) kids. Mom blamed the school.). She'd been uninvited to her religious based private school because of the parents.
She got pregnant her senior year on a living room date at her house. Parents had gone to bed. Apparently she and the boy went to couch....or floor. Whatever.
This doesn't make any sense. The daughter isn't going to break up... she's not the one who wants it. It's her parents that want it. THEY made that decision. And as long as she's a minor, it is their right to do this And there's nothing for the son and daughter "to work out." They're not having the problem. Did you miss that? And she's not breaking up with him, hence the third party. So, while you may not "wish to be a party to that," your seem fine with leaving your kid in the dark about what's going on? On yeah, good decision, not.
It's not a question of it being easier coming from his parents, it's a question of his parents now leaving him in the dark about it, now that THEY know. I'm sure the kid wouldn't appreciate something like that from his parents. You handle it with the cards you were given, and her parents put them in his parents' hands.
Thanks for the sarcasm, that certainly made your argument clearer. I understand that the GF's parents believe it's their right to decide who their daughter dates. And those parents should be instructing their daughter to break up with the OP's son. This is really the only point I (and a couple of other posters) have been trying to make. Fine, tell your young daughter she can't date someone any longer but this has to be (and it will be, sooner or later!) between the two kids. Perhaps, "to work out" was a poor phrase choice. Didn't mean to be confusing.
My son actually liked a girl when he was in eighth grade and they went to the movies with a group of other kids. They may have held hands. The parents told the girl that she was too young to date. She told my son and after feeling bad for a day or two, he moved on. I found out about it a week later.
There are always two sides to a story, and the truth in the middle. We may not know the full reason of the young woman's parents wanting distance from the OP son. Or if the girl herself wants out, and her parents are facilitating this for her.
It may benefit the OP to refer her son for Counseling, to have an objective party help her son through this if he has problems accepting this change in status with his GF.
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