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now she says she doesn't want to go. I was just watching TV and she came down all lovey dovey with touching and kissing, and compliments, which I enjoyed immensely. " Sweetie, I thought about it and I don't want to go to counseling, whatever we need to fix can be fixed at home. Think about( our son's name). How awful that would be for him to see us in counseling." I told her I was sticking to it, I'm going,she is welcome to join me, and that we can't fix that at home because she's an enabler and wouldn't follow through. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
Yuck, notice how her affection was tied to her getting what she wants? * bleh *
The pain has begun. Based on my experiences, that is a mild backlash. As the appointment gets closer, her resistance will probably become stronger and maybe more violent (yelling and slamming doors, etc.) She will attempt to punish you with the silent treatment, blah blah blah.
Just DO NOT REACT. Think about it like a vending machine. If you put your $$ in and nothing comes out, you can kick and hit it all you want, but if it never dispenses a Coke, you'll eventually walk away. If it DOES give you a Coke every once in a while, you would be more likely to continue the kicking and hitting.
So don't let up. You know what the right thing is. Stick to your plan and follow through.
now she says she doesn't want to go. I was just watching TV and she came down all lovey dovey with touching and kissing, and compliments, which I enjoyed immensely. " Sweetie, I thought about it and I don't want to go to counseling, whatever we need to fix can be fixed at home. Think about( our son's name). How awful that would be for him to see us in counseling." I told her I was sticking to it, I'm going,she is welcome to join me, and that we can't fix that at home because she's an enabler and wouldn't follow through. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
You also need to stop relaying this as the main problem. You are equally at fault for this situation. It's not all on her. Your need for conflict avoidance and taking the easy road out is just as much of an issue.
You also need to stop relaying this as the main problem. You are equally at fault for this situation. It's not all on her. Your need for conflict avoidance and taking the easy road out is just as much of an issue.
Exactly. Irishfan enables his wife as well.
OP, it is hard, but if you can follow through as you say you will, it will make all the difference.
Ok, I understand where you're coming from. So next time a conflict arises what do i do? just stand my ground or something else or a combo. I know its a dumb question but I've had 0 experience. If a situation helps, there's a 99% chance that she'll( for at least a few days) roll her eyes or tell me to go away if I try to sit down next to her and talk. Usually, I would comply and go be by myself but what do i do since thats not an option?
other than the obvious( counseling and learning to put my foot down) What else can I do to improve my relationship with her? I want to deal with that first then work on the kid. And yes, his girlfriend is trash and I hope he doesn't get her pregnant. Of course then again, Mom and I aren't the best example of how not to have a kid young, but we met when we were 14 and had him at 18 and married at 19 so we knew each other. He's known this girl maybe 5 months. Sorry for the rant
You have ask yourself what you are willing to stand. How much longer can you live with your wife and son ruling the house, while you work to keep a roof over their heads? You are asking them to change comfortable behaviors they have had for at least 18 years. What if there is no change, can you live this way without complaining?
I also think you may be surprised to hear your part. Has it always been so opposite of your wife's, with regards to your son? If you are this kids father, you may want to examine your role in his upbringing....Kids model after their same sex parent the most. What are you modeling? If it is just blaming your wife that isn't a good example for any kid. Do the things with him that will help him grow and become the man you want him to be. Sounds like you have some work to do.
It sometimes makes a protective parent more protective if their kid is constantly made to feel like they are worthless by the other parent. Wonder if your attitude is so openly antagonistic as your post seems?
Last edited by JanND; 05-05-2013 at 03:15 PM..
Reason: edit text
But also... like everyone else pointed out... You'll have to question if there's no change, whether you'd want to continue the marriage. And you'll have to pose this question to your wife eventually.
Last edited by Jaded; 05-05-2013 at 07:33 PM..
Reason: Please only quote 2-3 sentences from work protected by Copyright law even when you include the link.
Ok, I understand where you're coming from. So next time a conflict arises what do i do? just stand my ground or something else or a combo. I know its a dumb question but I've had 0 experience. If a situation helps, there's a 99% chance that she'll( for at least a few days) roll her eyes or tell me to go away if I try to sit down next to her and talk. Usually, I would comply and go be by myself but what do i do since thats not an option?
That is what the counseling is for. For you. You don't see that you are treating your wife the same way she treats your son. Pandering and caving. I don't know the best way to handle it at this point. Go to counseling and find out why you do this and what some effective tools are for you to make some positive changes in yourself which will hopefully have a positive (eventually) impact on both your marriage and your relationship with your son.
Ok, I understand where you're coming from. So next time a conflict arises what do i do? just stand my ground or something else or a combo. I know its a dumb question but I've had 0 experience. If a situation helps, there's a 99% chance that she'll( for at least a few days) roll her eyes or tell me to go away if I try to sit down next to her and talk. Usually, I would comply and go be by myself but what do i do since thats not an option?
Tell her, "this is my couch, too, and if you don't want to be next to me, then move." Another way to stand up to her. You can't force her to talk, and she can't force you to move. For once, have it your way.
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